I just started school again in August after a 5 year break. I think I made a big mistake. I got a bad grade yesterday and I hated myself. I was crying uncontrollably all day I cannot keep up with the standards I hold up for myself and I think I will never really be good at anything. But, if I drop out again I'm scared people will treat me like they used to the first time I dropped out and my family will stop talking to me again
I’m sorry you're struggling so much, but it sounds like a lot of your struggling is caused by you having some very unrealistic expectations to yourself. You haven’t been to school in 5 years - of course returning requires some adjustment, and of course it isn’t easy, and of course you cannot immediately perform as well as you’d ideally like to. That’s not you being a failure or you being stupid! It’s a natural result of not having done something in a long time.
So please try not to be this hard on yourself just for getting a bad grade. A bad grade is still better than no grades, cause a bad grade means that you’re trying - and trying is, in itself, admirable, even when you don’t succeed. Remember that perfect is often the enemy of good and that good is often the enemy of done - and that even getting a bad grade is awesome progress if you haven’t been to school in 5 years!
Maybe the issue here isn’t that you decided to go back to school, but that you’re holding yourself to some very unrealistic and un-achievable standards - and that you are basing your entire self worth on how good your grades are instead of being proud of yourself for fighting and trying. So I’d try working through that and changing your attitude - preferably with the help of a counselor or therapist - before giving up completely. Best of luck!
