#ncjbiflibc

Kitty: Where is everyone, anyway? I swear I haven't seen another Sim for weeks.

[distant explosion]

Kitty: What was that?!

Kitty: Hello?! Is anyone out there?!

Kitty: ANYONE?!

The End

Eleanor: Oh for fuck's sake. Ladies, side bar!

Eleanor: Are we seriously not going to address the elephant in the room?! And by elephant, I mean the obvious wig and clown makeup.

Mysterious Mime: Not a clown, dear, a mime. Zey are completely different!

Eleanor: You stay out of this!

Angela: What are you saying?

Eleanor: Really?! If your eyes somehow aren't telling you something is seriously off here, then use your head. A mysterious sixth contestant just happens to show up right after Rose reappears? Come on, I can't be the only one who sees right through that stupid disguise.

Mysterious Mime: You wound me, mademoiselle! Zis is no disguise! Zis is how I always look! Eet ees called 'fashion'. Look eet up!

Eleanor: I am not talking to you!

Angela: Hmm, she does sound a lot like Rose, now that you mention it. And her accent is rather...transient.

Eleanor: We're not really going to go through with this challenge like everything is normal, right?

Viridia: ACTUALLY, I THINK THAT'S EXACTLY WHAT WE SHOULD DO.

Eleanor: What?!

Viridia: SHE'S CLEARLY UP TO SOMETHING. WHAT BETTER WAY TO FIND OUT WHAT THAT IS BY GOING ALONG WITH IT?

Eleanor: I mean, sure, but...

Viridia: AND DON'T YOU THINK IT'S STRANGE THE WATCHER DIDN'T IMMEDIATELY KICK HER OUT?

Eleanor: Yeah, I do think that's strange. The Watcher has to know who's under that paper-thin disguise, so I don't think it's an accident that she's here.

Viridia: SO...?

Eleanor: *sigh* Fine. For the sake of morbid curiosity, let's do it.

Angela: What now? There's only one jetpack left.

Angela: Maybe we could take turns? I go up and then you go up?

Mysterious Mime: No no no, I do not share, especially with zee likes of you!

Mysterious Mime: Eet is no concern anyway, because unlike you, a loser, I have come prepared.

Angela: H-hey!

Mysterious Mime: See on you ze ground, loser.

Angela: You brought your own jetpack? How did you know the challenge would inclu--

Mysterious Mime: Bon voyage, fool!

Angela: Hey, wait for me!

Angela: Whoa, this thing is super hard to control!

Mysterious Mime: Only for you. I am having no trouble at all! It is because I am a true winner and not because my jetpack is being remote controlled by someone who knows what they're doing more than I!

Angela: ...what?

Mysterious Mime: Hey, check zees out!

Angela: Oh my God, you hit my jetpack!

Angela: HELP MEEEEE!

Angel: Gotcha!

Angel: Hold on to me. I won't let you fall.

Angel: Careful, now.

Angela: Oh my God, you saved me! You really are an angel!

Angela: Unlike some people.

Viridia: READY TO LOSE?

Eleanor: You wish. I was a climber as a kid. Trees, gutter pipes, you name it. This'll be a breeze.

Cut the chatter, ladies, we're on the clock here.

And it's Viridia in front, no surprise there. The fifteen pounds of filthy gutter rags must be weighing Eleanor down.

Viridia: MADE IT!

And Viridia wins the wall race by a country mile!

Viridia: HEAR THAT, AIDEN? WE'RE GOING ON A SECOND DATE!

Oh ho ho! Getting ahead of ourselves, are we? Don't forget, there's still the Platform of Precarious Peril and the Jetpack of Jeopardy to contend with!

Ten minutes on the clock. Whoever lands (or crashes) first loses!

And they're off! Isn't this exciting? Isn't this thrilling? Isn't this pulse-pounding action?

Viridia: IT'S PEACEFUL UP HERE. I NEVER THOUGHT I'D ENVY BIRDS, BUT IMAGINE EXPERIENCING TRUE FREEDOM LIKE THIS ON A REGULAR BASIS. NOTHING HOLDING YOU BACK, JUST YOU, THE SKY, AND THE INFINITE HORIZON.

Eleanor: HolyfuckI'mgonnadie

Virdia: I FEEL LIKE A CLOUD! A BEAUTIFUL, ETHEREAL CLOUD WAFTING ON THE BREEZE!

Eleanor: HowdoyoulandthisthingIwannagetdown

*crash*

Well. You're down now.

Eleanor: Sweet merciful ground! I am never doing that again!

Viridia: DON'T BE SO DRAMATIC. LANDING CAN'T BE THAT HARD!

Viridia: OH SHIT, I, VIRIDIA, WAS WRONG!

Uh...you good?

Viridia: YEAH, NOTHING INJURED BUT MY PRIDE. AND MY SPLEEN.

Eleanor: Whoa whoa whoa, what do you mean 'who is Aiden'?! He's the Bachelor! You know, the whole reason we're competing in the first place?!

Angela: Surely you can't be serious!

Rose: I am serious! 🤭 And don't call me--

Viridia: IF YOU FINISH THAT SENTENCE, I WILL END YOU MYSELF.

Eleanor: Gaaaaaaah, I hate you people.

Angela: Then I guess I need you to explain a lot more than the murder attempt because if you aren't competing for Aiden's heart -- the alleged premise of the show -- what are you competing for?

Rose: I. keep. TELLING YOU! I want to WIN! 😠

Angela: Yes, but win what?!

Rose: Uggggh, you're so dense, it physically hurts. 😩

Viridia: STOP TALKING IN CIRCLES AND JUST EXPLAIN SOMETHING FOR ONCE!

Rose: Haven't you ever heard the expression 'winning isn't everything, it's the only thing'? 🙄

Angela: Yeah, I've heard toxic Little League coaches say that to crying seven year olds. And?

Rose: Seriously?! It's the principle I've based my entire life on! It's my mantra! My raison d'être! 👿

Viridia: WATCH OUT, SHE'S GOING FRENCH AGAIN.

Angel: So the whole reason you snuck back into the house, disguised yourself as a mime, sloppily painted your blue stripes purple, tried to kill Angela, and potentially scarred Aiden for life was...because of an expression everyone uses ironically?

Rose: It's not ironic to me, dammit! It's my sole purpose in life! Everyone knows that, even the Watcher! And she...she used it against me. 😓 She promised me that if I made the competition interesting for her, she'd let me back into the house.

Eleanor: Wait. What?! Say that again.

Rose: When I broke into her control room, she made me an offer: I'd get to come back and compete again as long as I did something to shake up the status quo. She was getting bored of you idiots. 🥱

Angel: I-I can't believe this.

Bailey: I know what you mean...

Angel: One of us got to meet the Watcher in person and it wasn't me.

Rose: Look, Angel, if it makes you feel any better, she's not what you think. She's...crazy. 😦

Bailey: High praise coming from you.

Rose: And not only that, she seriously doesn't know how 'Earth reality shows' as she calls them work because holy shit, this whole thing has been one clusterfuck from the beginning. 🙄 She says it's a Bachelor-type dating show but she's run the whole thing like a survival show with the challenges and eliminations. I mean half of us haven't even met this Arwin-or-whatever, let alone been on a date with him. What sense does that make?! 😵

Aiden: It's Aiden. I'm Aiden!

Eleanor: You're right. I thought this whole thing was shoddily arranged but I've never seen any reality dating shows. For all I knew, this is how they're supposed to be.

Rose: Well I've seen hundreds of them, and believe me, this is not how they're supposed to be. Arlo is supposed to spend time with all of us one-on-one, not be shoved into a pod by himself ninety percent of the time. 😣 I don't know how they do shows like this back on her planet but it's not how we do it on Earth. 👽

Eleanor: On...her...planet? The Watcher is an alien?

Rose: Well duh. 😑 You couldn't tell? Why do you think she abducted us all at the casting call? She had to get us on more familiar turf.

Angel: That doesn't make any sense. The Watcher can't be an alien. She's an eternal extra-dimensional being of pure benevolence.

Viridia: WILL YOU SHUT UP ABOUT YOUR RELIGION, ALREADY?! CLEARLY SOMETHING ELSE IS GOING ON.

Eleanor: I knew it, we really are in the Lunar Lakes moon settlement. I could tell from the trees. But...why are we the only Sims here?

Rose: I don't know and I don't care. 🤨

Wow. You really exposed me to everyone, huh, Rose?

Rose: You exposed yourself! You should have just let me win from the jump and I wouldn't have had to tell everyone what I knew. 😖

I guess it really is a good thing I didn't tell you the whole plan, then, huh? Otherwise you'd have run your mouth to Aiden.

Rose: Yeah yeah, Argyle or whoever-the-fuck. Well, I held up my end of the bargain. You're going to call this whole thing off and just announce me the winner, riiiiight? 🤤

Why would I do that?

Rose: Because...I made things interesting for you, like we agreed on. 😕

Then why am I still bored?

Rose: I-- 😶

You haven't won anything, Rose. You're still the same loser you were when you walked into this place on the first day. And that's all you'll ever be.

Rose: ...

Nothing to say to that?

Rose: I am going to kick. your. ass. 😡

Bailey: What is all this stuff?

Eleanor: Well, Aiden? Does anything look like a wormhole generator to you?

Bailey: I wonder if I could turn this computer on...

Robotic voice over the intercom: Detonation in T-minus 40 seconds.

Eleanor: Bailey! Whatever you're doing, we don't have time for it!

Aiden: This! It looks a little different from what I'm used to but I'm pretty sure it's this.

Robotic voice over the intercom: Detonation in T-minus 30 seconds.

Eleanor: 'Pretty sure' will have to do. We'll go in pairs. Buddy system, and all that. I've got Angel.

Viridia: I'VE GOT AIDEN.

Angela: That leaves me and Bailey.

Angel: Is this safe? Do we even know where we're going to end up?

Robotic voice over the intercom: Detonation in T-minus 20 seconds.

Eleanor: No, but if we stay here, we're going to end up dead.

Angel: Good point.

Angel: Here goes nothing.

Eleanor: See you all on the other side!

[machine engages]

Bailey: They're gone.

Angela: And we're up next. Let's go. Safe trip, everyone!

[machine engages]

Aiden: It's just us now.

Robotic voice over the intercom: Detonation in T-minus 15 seconds.

Viridia: WAIT!

Viridia: IT'S BEEN--*cough* it's been truly wonderful getting to meet you. i mean it. this whole thing has been wild and unpredictable and kind of insane but it was all worth it to get to know you.

Robotic voice over the intercom: Detonation in T-minus 10 seconds.

Aiden: I really wish we had more time together.

Viridia: we'll have plenty of time when we get where we're going. but just in case something goes wrong, i want you to know...

Robotic voice over the intercom: 9...8...

Viridia: i, viridia, have fallen in love with you.

Aiden: I--

[machine engages]

Robotic voice over the intercom: 7...6...

Aiden: Viridia...

Robotic voice over the intercom: 5...4...

Aiden: Well, wherever we end up, let's hope Aoife isn't waiting for us.

[machine engages]

Robotic voice over the intercom: 3...2...

[computer switches on as the wormhole generator begins to whine strangely]

Robotic voice over the intercom: 1.

Viridia: AH! I DEFINITELY NEEDED THIS!

Angela: Oh yeah, flavored bubbles cure everything, including awkward dates. Speaking of dates...

Viridia: IT ACTUALLY WASN'T AS AWKWARD AS YOU MIGHT THINK. IT WAS KIND OF ROMANTIC, IN A WEIRD WAY.

Angela: Really? I wasn't expecting that. Aiden seems so nervous all the time, I was expecting a total disaster.

Viridia: HE WAS TREMBLING THE WHOLE TIME BUT IT ONLY MADE HIM CUTER, TO BE HONEST.

Angela: So do you think you two have a future outside of this show?

Viridia: I DON'T KNOW, MAYBE. I TRY NOT TO THINK ABOUT THE FUTURE TOO MUCH.

Viridia: AFTER ALL, SOMETHING UNEXPECTED COULD HAPPEN AT ANY MOMENT.

Aiden: I liked that.

Viridia: i know.

Aiden: Maybe we could do it again?

Viridia: WHOA, HOLD YOUR HORSES THERE, SPACE COWBOY.

Aiden: Wh-what? But I thought we were getting along.

Viridia: WE ARE, BUT...

Viridia: I PREFER ROMANCE ON MY TERMS.

Aiden: *sharp inhale* That's valid.