#ncah

i say this to bitch and complain, and also to thank all the seasoned intersex ppl in the community because without online resources i probably wouldnt have known what to follow up with them on, and how to deal with doctors. activism works!

(I'm going insane, y'all. At least I'm supposed to get a referral for an endocrinologist, so that's good? (Still haven't gotten it))

And honestly, I think that is largely because of intersex activists on tumblr (and other platforms, to a lesser extent). I’ve seen plenty of intersex awareness posts over the years. I’ve seen people advocating for intersex inclusion and acceptance. I’ve seen people speaking out against intersexism, medical discrimination, and the ways that the artificial sex binary harms people.

So when I discovered that I am actually intersex, it didn’t completely shatter my view of the world or myself. The biggest realization that I had was that my body is a bit different, and there is a word for those differences. I didn’t think that there was something wrong or broken about me or my body, or that I wasn’t a real woman/man, or that I need to reconsider my whole gender identity or sexuality… because thanks to intersex advocates, I had already done the work of realizing that intersex people are just people who don’t fit neatly into the sex binary. I’d already started to deconstruct the sex binary and work to unlearn intersexist ideas.

For context I am half white and half black, and visibly brown. I am not white passing in the slightest. My mother is white. So this is very much racism but still

I mean she already kinda acted like this but it's definitely increased since testosterone started having visible effects.

It's all really weird because as a little girl I was masculinized because I'm black and have ncah which made me pretty hairy and have a deeper voice than what's expected for pericis women/girls. But the second I find out I enjoy being masculine and hairy, I'm told I'm scary and aggressive and that I need to feminize myself (in the case I'm not already being forcibly feminized)

When I was little I was also very sexualized because I went through puberty so early due to ncah and had large breast before starting middle school (I don't remember if you're American, if not middle school starts at like 11 or 12 years old). But now I'm seen as both sexually aggressive if perceived as a cis man, and desexualized once someone knows I'm trans because of how masculine I am unlike my peers who are transmascs and/or trans men that oversexualized because are feminine

It's such a weird position, having people jump back and forth between two harmful extremes when they think it's convenient. I hate that my mother sees me as a threat. I hate that my peers see me as a threat or as a whiny little boy trying to overcompensate for something.

(apologies if the parentheses seem condescending or something, I don't mean for it to come across like that I'm just trying to convey as much information as possible and don't know how else to fit it in)

This is androqueerphobia, intermisogyny, and andronoirism. It is very disheartening how Black and brown intersex folks are treated.