15. Chicago Bulls. Mother of God, this roster is an atrocity. Zach LaVine is the best player the Bulls have on their roster by a country mile, and he’s currently recovering from a torn ACL. He’s not even going to be cleared for contact until sometime in November. In the meantime, their best player is...Nikola Mirotic? I guess? Mirotic is a 6′10″ PF who averaged as many three-point attempts per game as rebounds last season, while shooting under 42% from the field. Woof. 

This year is all about landing a high draft pick to add to their young core of LaVine and uh, Denzel Valentine, Kris Dunn and Lauri Markkanen. Damn, GarPax. Nice work. 

14. Brooklyn Nets. Oh, jeez. I’ll say this for the Nets: I really liked the move to ship Brook Lopez out of town for D’Angelo Russell. Lopez served no purpose on a team this bad, and there’s always the chance that the next foot injury he suffers is a career-ender. Getting a young guy with Russell’s pedigree for him is a score. In addition, the Nets are doing that thing where a team acts as a dumping ground for other team’s shitty contracts, while picking up draft picks along the way (they got a 2nd rounder from Toronto for taking DeMarre Carroll, for example). 

Speaking of draft picks, it’s impossible to talk about the Nets without mentioning the truly heinous trade that deprived them of their ‘14, ‘16, 17, and ‘18 first round picks. I still can’t believe that happened. The light at the end of the tunnel for the Nets isn’t going to be all that bright until after next season, when their rebuild can finally begin in earnest. In the meantime, enjoy D’Angelo and Jeremy Lin!

13. Atlanta Hawks. I learned recently that Dennis Schroder is a huge douche and his teammates really don’t like him at all. A team’s best player being an asshole isn’t a big deal when the player is a legit stud. When it’s Dennis Schroder, that’s less than ideal. The Hawks have some decently fun guys to watch in Schroder, Kent Bazemore, Taurean Prince and incoming rookie John Collins (pride of Wake Forest). I don’t really see it translating to a whole lot of wins, though. This feels like a transitional year for them, and I’m not sure if coach Mike Budenholzer is the kind of guy who’d want to stick around for a full rebuilding project. I can’t for the life of me find any information on his contract, so it won’t be surprising if he bails after this season, and the Hawks sink into full tank-mode. 

12. New York Knicks. Well, they got rid of Carmelo. The return wasn’t all that great (that’s putting it kindly), but it’s tough to argue that it was the wrong move. Now, the team can focus on developing Kristaps Porzingis into a superstar, and trying to build around him. The Knicks definitely aren’t going to be a GOOD team, but with Kristaps doing Kristaps things, Michael Beasley doing Michael Beasley things, Willy Hernangomez hustling like a madman, and Tim Hardaway Jr. possibly attempting 10 threes a game, they won’t be a total drag to watch. 

11. Indiana Pacers. I love Myles Turner as much as almost anyone, but he’s not enough to carry a winning team by himself quite yet. Victor Oladipo is a fine running mate, and I think he’ll have his best year to date. With Darren Collison and Cory Joseph both on the roster, the Pacers are assured of having a competent, unspectacular general on the floor at all times. I think the Pacers have enough to keep from completely bottoming out, but this still looks like a lottery team.

10. Philadelphia 76ers. There’s not a team in the league with as wide a range of possible outcomes as the Sixers. There are so many “ifs” here. IF Embiid plays 65+ games, and IF Ben Simmons hits the ground running, and IF Markelle Fultz is ready to play, this team could sneak into one of the final playoff spots in the East. On the other hand, IF Embiid has a health setback and another lost year, and IF Ben Simmons is still too raw to count on, and IF Markelle Fultz’s terrible jumper totally undermines his other qualities, the Sixers could find themselves dangerously close to the Nets and Bulls at the bottom of the conference. I think the Sixers will be one of the most fun teams in the league to watch this year, but they won’t coalesce enough to make a legit run at the playoffs until next season.

9. Charlotte Hornets. Truth be told, there really isn’t much of a difference between the Hornets, Pistons, and Magic. The Hornets losing Nic Batum to injury is a bummer, as this is a team that can ill-afford to lose a playmaker. They brought in Dwight Howard, and if the early reports are to be believed, he’s as healthy as he’s been in awhile, and he’s feeling rejuvenated. It remains to be seen how long the honeymoon period will last for him in Charlotte. The Hornets are well-coached and they have several good defenders. Kemba Walker is a legit star and has shown the ability to drag his team to the playoffs in the past. I also really liked their drafting of Malik Monk. Add it all up, and the Hornets aren’t a top-tier franchise, but they’re far from a smoldering trainwreck. I’m not great with compliments.

8. Detroit Pistons. I might be one of the few people remaining on the Andre Drummond bandwagon. I still think he has it in him to be an absolute force defensively, and I hope he makes a leap this season. Bringing in Avery Bradley gives them some more shooting and further fortifies their defense. By surrounding a rim-wrecking big man with shooters, it’s pretty clear Stan Van Gundy is trying to recapture the glory of his Orlando days. If he can get something useful in return for Reggie Jackson, and if Stanley Johnson progresses enough to be a legit rotation player, the Pistons may very well have a stew going. 

7. Orlando Magic. I really like a lot of the Magic players individually, but they’ve had issues fitting together in recent seasons. I think things will be different this year. Aaron Gordon is primed to take a step forward and become an All-Star, and Elfrid Payton has the skill to be a very good PG, especially defensively. Evan Fournier and Terrance Ross can both score in bunches from beyond the three-point line. The organization seems to dislike Nic Vucevic, but he’s a good player. He’ll either be productive for the Magic, or they’ll finally find a trade they like and bring in someone who fits what they want to do. 6′ 10″ rookie Jonathan Isaac was one of the picks at the draft that made the analysts ooh and ahh, so I guess that’s a good thing. 

6. Toronto Raptors. The Raptors are a pretty good team. They have two All-Star caliber players in Lowry and DeRozan, and Serge Ibaka is a perfectly decent third wheel. With that said, it feels to me like they’ve gone about as far as they can go. Most likely, they’ll chug through the season similar to the way they have the last couple of years, and proceed to bow out early in the playoffs. However, it wouldn’t surprise me if they get off to a slow start and decide to fire Coach Dwane Casey. After that, things could really spiral out of control, and DeRozan or Lowry could end up being traded. 

5. Miami Heat. I love Erik Spoelstra, and this roster is tailor-made for a coach to go buckwild trying to cause matchup problems for the opponent. They have an elite rim-protector in Hassan Whiteside, an upper-echelon point guard in Goran Dragic, and a slew of very good role players. There’s size and athleticism up and down the roster. They can go small, they can go big, they can load up with perimeter shooting, they have Peak Dion Waiters, and they brought in Kelly Damn Olynyk. This team as constituted is a blast. The only thing keeping them from legitimate contention is their lack of a go-to superstar. Pat Riley has proven rather adept at securing the services of players like that, but they don’t have any young guys that are obvious trade pieces, and they’re devoid of draft picks for 2018, so odds of an in-season deal are pretty slim.

4. Washington Wizards. I consider myself to be a reasonably WizWoke guy, but much like the Raptors, this feels like a team that’s reached it’s ceiling. The difference between the Wiz and the Raptors is that while Kyle Lowry and Serge Ibaka have caused locker room issues in the past, John Wall and Brad Beal seem to be more measured and mature guys, their own rocky relationship notwithstanding. I don’t see the potential for their locker room to implode the way I do with Toronto. Barring major injuries, this is a team that should coast to home court in the first round of the playoffs. Wall and Beal are a spectacular backcourt, and Otto Porter has improved every year he’s been in the league. Marcin Gortat is steady, but his style of play is rapidly becoming a liability in today’s NBA. They’re an athletic rim-protector away from taking another step forward, and unfortunately those aren’t all that easy to acquire. Also, Markieff Morris is a total piece of shit.

3. Cleveland Cavaliers. Just to be perfectly clear, I’m not saying the Cavs are the third best team in the East. I’m saying they’ll finish with the third-best regular season record. Isaiah Thomas, Derrick Rose, and Dwyane Wade are going to miss a ton of games. LeBron’s only objective is winning a title, and if he thinks resting during the season will improve his chances, he’s gonna sit some, as well. They aren’t going to care about gunning for a #1 seed, because they know they can beat anyone in the East without it. There will probably be a little bit of a feeling out process at the beginning of the year, but this is a veteran-laden roster and it should go smoothly. There’s a faint whiff of danger here, with Isaiah Thomas’ uncertain health, and the cloud of LeBron possibly bolting after the season hanging over everything. I don’t THINK things will take a nasty turn for them, but if they did it would be delightful from an entertainment perspective. 

2. Milwaukee Bucks. I am ALL IN on the Bucks. The term “position-less basketball” has become en vogue recently, and the Bucks are perfectly suited for it. They are flush with young, athletic, lengthy defenders. Half the battle in today’s NBA is trying to force defenders to switch assignments until you end up with a matchup you can take advantage of. Well, the Bucks have a boatload of guys who can reasonably guard every position on the floor. They’re going to be a nightmare to play against. 

In addition to their defensive capabilities, they have motherfuckin’ Giannis Antetokounmpo. He’s a superhuman. I think this is the year he vaults into superduperstardom, and he’s a legit MVP candidate. The Bucks figure to get Jabari Parker back sometime around the All-Star break, and if he can pick up where he left off, it’ll give them a massive boost offensively. Jabari was averaging over 20 PPG and shooting over 36% from three before he went down.

I think the Bucks will keep the pedal to the metal all season long as they announce their presence as a legit team, and as a result the wins will pile up. They are young and hungry, and will enjoy the hell out of wrecking people. The main thing keeping me from vaulting them all the way to the top spot, and giving them serious consideration to make the Finals, is the fact that they’re coached by Jason Kidd. I have no idea if he’s a good coach or not. He does completely inexplicable things all the time, but then he’ll counteract that by pushing all of the right buttons for a few games in a row. Much like the rest of the Bucks, there’s room for him to take the next step forward and become one of the league’s best. 

1. Boston Celtics. I swear this isn’t me being a homer. The Celtics are loaded and they have a very good coach. It’ll likely take them a bit to figure out how to play together, but once they get the hang of things, they’re gonna be really good. Basically everyone has a Celtics-Cavaliers Eastern Conference Finals set in stone at this point. But, whereas the Cavs have the kind of well-earned confidence that allows them to not give a rat’s ass about the regular season and homecourt advantage, the Celtics aren’t there yet. I think getting homecourt for a potential playoff showdown with the Cavs is really important to them, and as a result they won’t let up during the season. Even if Kyrie Irving does miss games, as he’s wont to do, the roster is deep enough that they should still be able to hang with most teams even without him. When you have a team with this amount of talent trying to win as many games as possible, playing in a weak conference, they’re gonna put up a enough Ws to lock up a #1 seed.