#naribran

When she had mentioned it at confession—at the cathedral in Philadelpha—she had been quickly absolved. It was not a sin to desire the companionship of others, the priest told her, nor to delight in their company. When she told him she was tempted to seek a second opinion, he had laughed gently and told her that Saint Liguori directed the faithful to trust in their confessor, for to accept his judgment was to follow the direction of God.

She had left Philadelphia gladder for it, and for Vaughn’s companionship, even on long, landmarkless days where he stretched across the back seat, reading from the Griffin’s notebooks aloud. Malcolm would provide context and commentary from time to time, teaching them more about his world even as they introduced him to Earth.

It was hot in Flagstaff, though not nearly so much as one might have expected in the Arizona summertime. It was the elevation, she supposed, and the cloudless night. From Mars Hill she could look down on the city below and see only a few lamps illuminating crosswalks and service stations. Most of the rest had been extinguished around 9, when they had left the bar where they’d eaten a late dinner.

Tomorrow, the Grand Canyon waited. For now, there was the quiet forest of Mars Hill and the Lowell Observatory atop. Even without the aid of the telescope they had come to see in the after-hours, the night sky was brilliant overhead. Malcolm’s hand rested in her own, and they both gazed upwards. His awe was naked on his face—and more so still when the attendants had directed his view toward Pluto—discovered at this very observatory all those years before. He had asked a thousand questions, and although the astronomers seemed amused by the enthusiasm he showed, they had gamely answered each.

And now they stood in the dark night, watching the moon peek through the treetops. Vaughn was a little ways away, his gaze turned upward too, hands thrust into the pouch pocket of his maroon sweatshirt.He cleared his throat. “I’ll get the car,” he offered. “Jay?” He held out an expectant hand, waiting for her to toss him the keys.Malcolm nudged her ribs with his elbow, and she glanced over to find him smiling. She smiled back, raking a hand through her hair—grown a bit shaggy on the road, tickling at her neck now.“Actually,” she said, letting go of Malcolm’s hand, “I’ll go with you.”“You sure?” Vaughn asked.“I’m cold,” Jacinth told him, drawing abreast of him.Vaughn looked at her, shoulders bare in her tank top, and then over at Malcolm, who was little better off in a tee. His runic tattoos peeked out beneath the short sleeves. Vaughn sighed, peeling out of his sweatshirt and thrusting it at her. “Here,” he said.

Jacinth murmured her thanks, shrugging into it. It smelled like him—not just hotel soap or the splash of cologne he wore, but like him in a way that nothing else ever would, and the fabric was soft and warm against her bare arms. He watched her as she lifted the hood and let it fall, toying with the drawstrings, and there was a private war going on behind his eyes she could see only in the set of his lips—as though he was trying too hard not to smile.“I’ll meet you out front in a minute,” Malcolm said.“Come on,” Jay urged. She wanted to reach out and take him by the arm, but that seemed like a transgression.

When it was Vaughn’s turn to drive, sometimes it was Jacinth in the back seat, stretched out and dead to the world. Acacia came and went as she pleased, but wherever she was, Jay could reach out and speak to her. It was kind of nice to have a faerie godmother, if a bit surreal, and since Wyoming, she had relied on her guidance more and more.

“So,” Vaughn said. “Where to next?”“The Grand Canyon tomorrow,” she said. “After that, I guess I was thinking Vegas? We have about a month left of summer before we should get back east.”“Don’t they card you in Vegas?” Vaughn wondered. “My roommate was going to go sophomore year, but they wouldn’t let him play. Be a problem for Malcolm.”Jacinth flinched. “Maybe not, then.”“Well,” Vaughn said, “unless you think we could pass him off as Alfred.”She laughed, and it echoed off the stone path underfoot. “Sure,” she said, “just some light identity theft. It should be fine.” She sighed. “Honestly, I haven’t figured out what to do about that. Sooner or later it’s going to be a problem.”Vaughn shrugged.

Soon they passed the rotunda and were headed back toward the visitors’ center. The parking lot waited just beyond, and that hardly seemed an appropriate place. “Hey,” Jacinth said, stopping short.Vaughn stopped too, turning back to look at her. “Yeah?” he said.“I’m glad you’re here.”He gave her a funny sort of look. “I’m glad I came, too, in the end.” It wasn’t an unalloyed happiness.She took a deep breath. Mars Hill was covered with pine trees, and she could smell them on the night air. “Do you still like me?”He seemed dumbfounded by the question. “Of course I still like you. You’re still a good person,” he was quick to say.Jay laughed, nervously, and felt her smile dimple her cheeks. “No, not … this is awkward,” she said after a moment. “I don’t think there’s a way around that. Just … since Yellowstone, Malcolm and I have been talking. I think he brought it up back in Chicago, but … Anyway, so, the thing is …”“Jacinth,” he said, in that firm, grounding way that he always had when her thoughts ran away with her in Naribran.“Are you still in love with me?” she asked instead.Vaughn looked pained, and then turned his face up toward the heavens, as though the Milky Way contained the truth of the matter in its smear of stars. It was a long moment before he said, “Yeah.”“That’s what I thought,” she said. She reached out to take his hand, but he tugged it away.“Things with Malcolm not working out?” he wondered. There was no bitterness in his tone that she could detect.“Things with Malcolm are fine,” she said, feeling her cheeks grow hot. “It’s just …”“Just what,” he said.

Jacinth sighed, trying to tuck her hair back behind her ears. It didn’t work—how often had she forgotten she didn’t have long hair in this body? “I never felt nothing for you,” she said. “I just wasn’t in love with you. I didn’t really have time to figure that out before you died, and I couldn’t really figure it out after. But now you’re alive, and you’re here. It’s still really confusing, but I’ve started to figure some things out.”He regarded her warily. She knew that look—had worn it a few times herself, guarding against hope in the assumption that would protect against disappointment later.“Do you remember,” she said, “when we were negotiating with the Nordics and Volkepf was explaining how things worked in their band?”Vaughn’s brow furrowed. “Yeah,” he said. “I didn’t think you’d want to. Wait, are you trying to set me up with Malcolm?”Jacinth laughed. “No,” she told him. Then she cleared her throat and said, “This isn’t about you two, uh, sharing honor or whatever their euphemism was. It’s more about the part where I said that in my homeland, men couldn’t marry men, and he said that where I came from sounded really … not oppressive, that wasn’t the word, but what he meant was that people should be free to just be whoever they are and pursue who they like?”Vaughn nodded, but he didn’t relax. “Where are you going with this, Jacinth?”

She glanced skyward a moment, then turned her gaze on Vaughn once more. “I wanted to walk back with you because I wanted to ask you a question.”“So this is just, what?” he teased. “Opening arguments?”“Sort of,” she admitted. “Malcolm knows about my feelings, and he supports them, so I wanted to ask …”He waited. There was no impatience in his body language.“We’re not breaking up,” Jacinth hastened to add. “Malcolm and I, we’re still going to be together, but if that’s alright, I wanted to ask: would it be alright if I kissed you?”

Vaughn looked at her a long moment, dumbstruck. She couldn’t help but feel exposed—not to the night air, but to him. His examination of her and her feelings; his judgment. It was only a moment or two, but it felt like a thousand stars rose and died overhead in that instant. “Yeah,” he said. “Yeah.”

This was not something she could just throw herself into, so she reached for him, cradling his face in her hands. She could feel the day’s growth of stubble against her palms, and she smiled. He wrapped his arms around her in turn, and Jacinth leaned in, tipping her head to one side.

His lips were warm and soft against her own, and although this was not a deep kiss she lingered over it, breathing in the scent of his skin, and the warmth of him; the safety she had always felt in his presence.