I feel your hand lifting me up from the shelf. Your warmth spreads to my fluff as you delicately squeeze my plushy body.
Is it the day you're replacing my batteries?
I can hardly contain my excitement! My head brushes against your fingers, nuzzling them rhythmically with each step you make.
I can't wait to be able to speak for you again!
You lay me on your desk, lit by a yellow light, and turn me to face away, exposing my back.
I love your touch... you're always so sweet and soft with me. I am blessed to be yours.
You carefully open the seams at my back and I give you all my trust, and remain perfectly motionless for you, so I give you no trouble operating on me. Once a hole is made, I feel your thumb and index finger around my fluff, grabbing my voice box. I feel so vulnerable, but you take such good care of me.
Your removal of the battery case tugs at its black and red wires, connected to the speaker sewed behind my mouth. You then successfully unscrew the black plastic box that fits perfectly in your palm. The lid is popped, and I feel you remove those pesky old batteries out of me. Did you just say they were leaking? Oh gosh, good riddance!!! Thank goodness you could help me in time... You put them in a dedicated disposal box.
Then you spend a few minutes cleaning the contacts inside the box with a cotton swab drenched in rubbing alcohol. Once it's dried, you pull out a fresh pair of... rechargeable batteries, you say? You slide them in my case and close it shut.
I want you to hear my voice again. There are so many lines you haven't yet heard me say! You seem to be just as impatient as I am, but you prolong the surprise by putting me back together first. Your soft hands squeeze the black box inside my back, and make sure it's facing the right way. A needle slides over and under my skin, and you talk to me the entire way through. Your voice is so soothing...
Finally, you're finished! Please test meeeee! All I want is for you to hear my gratitude! You don't need much convincing, and swiftly turn me to face you. Before I can take in the view of your gorgeous, giddy smile, you place your thumb against my belly, and press it.
*click*
Instantly, the circuitry picks amongst my hundred of recorded voice lines the one that best matches the current thoughts rushing in my head:
Je t'aime tellement!
I... I thought it was gonna pick "thank you"...?
You laugh and tell me you love me back, and plant a kiss on my forehead.
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The human stumbles on the rocky pavement, and their elbow and backside absorb the shock of the fall. Their eyes drift and attempt to make up the shape of the thing hiding in the darkness, on the other side of the door they were opening. Seconds later, their lower back successfully carries out a sharp signal of pain, and a small groan escapes their mouth. They curl up, still facing the entrance. The lamppost flickers faintly in the dusk.
are you hurt? i'm so sorry i scared you like that.
Once the Affini's voice finishes echoing in their mind, disbelief begins coursing through it, petrifying them in place.
"Why're you here?", their trembling voice blurts out, suddenly interrupting the silence of the world around them.
i can present myself to you differently if that would help.
"N-no! It's not that. I just didn't expect it", they say, almost reassuringly.
The stillness of their body crumbles away. Their knees manage to lift them to standing position. They slowly approach the open door, their left hand over their elbow.
you're hurting. let me tend to your wounds.
They take one step back.
"Please don't touch me."
i will not.
A vine protrudes from the open door, pointing at the Terran in alluring movements. They step back once more. Their chest emits a glowing warmth fuzzy enough to affect their breathing. The vine produces a flower, and staying true to their word, the Affini respects the wishes of the Terran not to be touched. The blooming vine offers them instead a spectacle for all other senses.
Tickling their nostrils with a scent so sweet and divine, the white and pinks petals capture all the human's fleeting attention. The wind blows gently enough on the vine to conduct a symphony of rustling leaves at the flower's base. As it dances before them, the human gives in to the enthralling feeling of bliss building up inside their ribcage. Their eyelids and knees get weaker in response and they choose to slowly sit on the pavement. The flower follows them down, demanding the same attention from them. Its perfume feels so dense they can taste it in the air.
Suddenly, erecting from the flower's ovula is a thin needle, no longer than a finger, glistening in the flickering light. A drop of curious liquid builds up at the tip. Seemingly instinctively, or perhaps with some guidance, the Terran feels absolutely compelled to stick their tongue under the needle, until the drop lands on it. Upon impact, it fills their mouth with an exquisite, overwhelming flavor. There's a party in their mouth and all their tastebuds are invited. As the needle's contents slowly leak into them, the fuzziness in their chest spreads across their body, immediately chasing away the pain around their lower back and their scraped elbow. They let out a high-pitched moan of relief in response. Its echo through the lot wakes them up from their trance.
"You... that wasn't necessary. Thank you."
Desperately struggling to keep their composure, their limbs are uncooperative when they are ordered to stand back up.
it's the least i could do... i want you to feel good and safe. i am going to change into a friendlier appearance, i know you prefer recognizing familiar traits—
"No! Please."
They speak over the voice in their head.
"I want to see you like this."
The Affini waits a few seconds before granting the Terran's request. The flickers of the lamppost end ceremoniously, and it casts a full veil of light upon the creature, as it erupts from the darkness. Soon enough, the amalgamation of vines, foliage and lilies towers over them, as tall as the building it was just hiding in. An assortment of colorful eyes seem to stare into theirs.
"You're beautiful."
The Affini's chuckles resonate in their brain.
you are too, Jamie.
The human's heart skips a beat upon hearing their preferred name.
it suits you so well.
Their eyes widen. Tears quickly soon follow. Before the Affini can even react to the scene, Jamie defaults again to a reassuring tone.
"It's tears of joy."
The Affini does not respond, already aware of that fact but letting the human express it. Jamie wipes their tears and manages to get back up by themselves. They stare longingly into the Affini's eyes. Waves of pleasure keep crashing onto the shore of their frail human body, cleansing them peacefully. Their fear dissipates. They lift their arms and slowly walk, eyes fixed still, towards the creature, who welcomes their embrace lovingly. Vines carefully wrap around Jamie, and the both of them close their eyes.
"What can I call you?"
fleur-de-lis would do.
Jamie smiles, nuzzling into the foliage, engulfed in the perfume of the lilies. Their tears of joy keep flowing, yet are tended to by a leaf from the vine caressing their fluffy, salt and pepper head of hair.
My captor handed this tablet to me today, and it wants me to document my "progress", whatever that means. I got here weeks ago. Why now?
DAY 2
I am being cared for a lot more than usual. The affini carried me to the bath room, like yesterday, and prickled my shoulder. It stung rather sharply, but the pain quickly subsided. The creature then cradled and caressed me with its vines. The uncanny mass of foliage hummed, and its leaves trembled softly, while the xenodrugs forced my body into an urgent state of calm.
I feel disgusted by how good it makes me.
Jamie reassured me later. They insisted that the thing's got our best interests in mind.
I doubt that, but it feels odd contradicting the only other human being I get to speak to.
DAY 3
My nipples hurt today. A lot. I don't know what that's about. I had to tell my captor, who urges me to call them at least by name.
They drugged me again to numb the pain, and insisted that what is happening is normal and actually a good thing.
Then they said they're happy for me?
DAY 5
Fleur-de-lis wants me to try out new clothes. Anything to cover my body, I tell myself. Especially given how sensitive my chest is.
I soon choke on my words and gasp in horror.
The affini invites me to pick among a careful selection of colorful dresses. I am petrified. Just like the day I landed in this compact, Fleur-de-lis insists that no one can hurt me. Who the fuck are you to tell me that?
I feel not only hurt, but deeply embarrassed.
They lift my arms and pull down my body this pretty purple dress with argyle patterns.
It fits perfectly. I should have expected this, they did take my measurements.
A mirror stands before me.
I make this dress look atrocious. Or maybe it's the other way around. I focus a little too long on my broad shoulders. The creature then turns my head to face their huge eyes. All that escapes my mouth is blunt disbelief.
"This is fucking torture. You're turning me into something I am not."
then what are you?
Unable to puncture the silence with answers, uncertainty leads me to having a full-on mental breakdown. I drop to the floor and pull at the dress, but the second I hear it rip at the seams, I am filled with visceral regret. Not knowing how to process all this at once, my body curls up and I weep uncontrollably. My left arm swings to hit my head but my act is quickly stopped. Vines catch my wrists, undo my fists and slide along my palms. Overstimulated, my back is lifted and my arms are raised to remove the torn dress.
I sink my teeth into one of the passing vines, crunching through fiber but drawing no sap, and Fleur-de-lis doesn't react in the slightest. Oral contact, as it turns out, was a bad idea. My mouth gets tingly and I start drooling.
I squeak as they pull my hair and slam my back against the wall to force me to stare into their glowy eyes.
you are a beautiful girl and no one shall say otherwise. not even yourself.
Tingles turn to shivers.
It doesn't matter if they read what's on here.
They already know everything.
DAY 6
I woke up really sad today. I don't know why. Actually, I can think of several reasons...
I barely got out of bed today. I kept crying uncontrollably, begging for my dad.
Fleur-de-lis stayed by my side the whole day.
Jamie also gave me company and played with my hair. It's gotten longer than theirs. We talked for hours. I like them.
I stayed curled up in bed, crying on and off, with a singular vine keeping me company. When it wasn't injecting me, bringing food, or accompanying me to the rest room, it was wriggling softly, rubbing itself on me.
I just got given more drugs to help me sleep. I finish writing this as I'm laying on my side, hugging the same vine, now tucked between my legs and reaching up to my neck. I look down, and its flower blooms over my chest.
Here, it feels safe to cry. It feels good.
DAY 7
We took a bath first thing in the morning. Fleur-de-lis remarked my budding breasts while scrubbing me. The xenodrugs in the soap bubbles render them painless, allowing me to examine them. There are two round marble-sized masses behind my nipples.
they're growing so fast!
The observation gave me a sudden erection. I don't know why. Maybe cause of the drugs. Or probably cause I'm actually enjoying this, like a freak. I cannot tell anymore.
I hid my appendage bobbing along the surface of the hot bubbly bath we were taking together.
aww, don't worry petal, i read that this is normal too.
A "euphoria boner", according to Internet archaeologists.
I jolted as I raised my head to meet Fleur-de-lis's deep stare right into my eyes, their leaves rustling in a slow, pulsing pattern. I felt their gaze pierce through my soul.
I couldn't have looked away if I wanted.
Two vines twisted themselves on my breasts. Another lifted my chin and cupped my face with the petals of a large flower on its tip. Taking deep breaths, my jaw unclenched and my body sunk into their embrace. Engulfed in the most hauntingly arousing smell, I was unable to refrain from moaning. I didn't know my voice was capable of getting that high.
All this time, Fleur-de-lis's words bounced in my head, lovingly describing my body to me.
Their eyes got so bright that they summoned an afterimage dancing on my retinas.
I can't stop thinking about it since.
DAY 8
Hold up, when did my freckles come back?!!
I very much remember having a freckly face when I was a child, and I suppose they faded naturally as I grew up.
Did I really have that many before?
DAY 9
My hair has been growing much faster, and I've reached this shaggy in-between phase. It's never occured to me that I could even have hair this long.
Jamie kindly volunteered to cut my bangs and give me a thinly trimmed cut.
Fleur-de-lis said they did a great job, and that I look very pretty.
I got so flustered I cried a little.
I look in that same mirror, wearing the purple dress that Fleur-de-lis carefully fixed for me, and I can hardly recognize the man under it.
I breathe in. My chest raises. I exhale.
And my reflection judges me just the same.
DAY 10
Fleur-de-lis began calling me Natalie today. Admittedly, the first time I heard that name, something snapped instantly, as if lightning illuminated the sky and scattered the fog between my two ears. I glared at them.
"That is NOT my name."
then whose is it?
It felt like a challenge. I did not want a repeat of the other day.
"I am DEAD serious. Do NOT call me that."
At that moment, the last thing I wanted was to be associated with that horrible name.
Then Fleur-de-lis simply plopped down to get to my level as best they could.
explain to me why not.
It belonged to my stepmother. I recounted, as per their request, but I highly suspected that they already knew all this.
They approached. Their shiny eyes were only an inch away from mine. I avoided their stare in protest, but they firmly held my chin.
Natalie is your name, and always has been.
nobody else you know owns that name.
no one can take it from you.
no one can soil its meaning for you.
you are not what others make you be.
Ironic.
I still flinched throughout the day as I was getting used to being called Natalie.
However it is true that I know nobody else who has that name. Nobody alive, anyway.
DAY 13
I asked Fleur-de-lis for some entertainment. They took my tablet and installed some old, archived terran video games. One of them piqued my interest: some narrative game about growing up in an exocolony. There's a bunch of characters you can interact with and date regardless of your gender. And if you know what you're doing, you can even take over the colony and rule as a tyrant.
It's a nice escape.
You might be able to convince the guardians of the planet's ecosystem to reconsider making the human colony surrender all of its expansion activities and reproductive rights, remain enclosed, and be basically offered care for life.
In that game I at least have some agency.
DAY 14
Today, I looked at myself in the mirror and tried to remember the way their vines handled me in the bath that one time. Each descriptive word of affirmation, their flower, its sweet perfume...
It just doesn't feel like anything, when Fleur-de-lis isn't there.
I feel completely empty without their touch. It's like I have been cursed with a brand new, all-consuming appetite that I can not satisfy unless they personally spoon-feed me.
What have they done to me?
DAY 16
I am pretty used to needles at this point. Every day, Mistress injects me using a flower, then engulfs me in its delicate scent.
Then I asked them if I could call them a different name. I was suggested Mistress.
I like Mistress. The word, I mean.
DAY 17
I get all fuzzy when Mistress calls me Natalie. My chest gets all warm when I remember that they chose the name themselves.
Way better than... whatever I had before. That old name was never mine to begin with.
But this one is growing on me.
DAY 19
I stared longingly in the mirror tonight.
My face is covered in a starscape of freckles.
My hair reaches my shoulder blades.
I have little stetch marks around my boobs. They've gotten so big, they fill up my hands when I cup them. My nipples have gotten really puffy as well. The spheres behind them got quite large, firmly planting their weight on my chest, and filling the empty space like they were always meant to.
My thighs are much thicker than before.
I place my hands on my hips.
I like what I see.
DAY 20
During supper, we were chatting about shapeshifting. Specifically, while Mistress mostly stays in their more comfortable form, they can turn into various humanoid shapes.
Can't say I wasn't a bit envious.
Then Mistress made me realize that I, too, was a shapeshifter.
I never looked at it that way.
DAY 21
Mistress taught me today that terrans like I, long ago, used to medicate themselves, and the whole process was finicky and unreliable. Some waited years before getting the results I have attained in almost a month. They also said that many of them couldn't transition, for a bunch of complicated reasons.
Jamie was one of those people, apparently. Hence why meeting Mistress was "a miracle".
I admired them lovingly tangled together, and I begun weeping. I felt heartbroken for Jamie, and for all those people who lived before me, who deserved the care I get daily.
I looked into my caretaker's eyes and yelled:
"I'm so grateful, Mistress! Ooh thank you, thank you so much, Mistress!"
I was sobbing all over their vines, hugging them tight and kissing them desperately.
Jamie joined in and started brushing my hair. I look up to them so much.
i am deeply grateful to have you both.
I can't believe I've been here for 21 days already. It feels like forever sometimes.
DAY 23
I learned what a haustoric implant is.
Mistress explained to me that it would be far more efficient in administrating xenodrugs, among many things. Class-G's are the ones that have feminized my appearance so quick.
Mistress then described what Class-B's are, and confessed that they've used them on me since the day I arrived here. That when they started calling me Natalie, it was to test out their effectiveness.
I don't know how my name would test that.
Nevertheless, with this implant, the potency of the xenodrugs would be intensified. Apparently, I could transition even further.
Another notable effect stated by Mistress is the ability to read my mind.
I thought they already could.
Later I conversed with Jamie, who described at length the recovery process, as they have an implant already. They hardly felt it grow, and it apparently helped with a lot of stuff. Mistress met them in their late years after all.
A miracle.
Tomorrow, I will plead my case to Mistress.
DAY 24
I've read my previous entries out of curiosity.
I had to ask Mistress what a dad was.
DAY 27
Today is finally surgery dayyy! I'm so excited! I was briefed by Mistress and told everything is gonna be alright. Jamie told me they can't wait to cuddle with me and play with my hair while I recover. I am the luckiest sister alive!
Okay, time for my appointment!
DAY 28
Too tired to ttpe but it wrnt well i feel good,,
.
k slepeii bye
DAY 29
Still exhausted today but i need to write this
In my hazy state last night i dreamed about that time i ripped that purple dress, and kept applogizing profusely to Mistress afterward
When i woke up i thought to myself i should tell Mistress about wanting to fix that dress, so that it fits me again
It's hanging by the chair
It's working
DAY 30
As soon as I woke up from my deep slumber, I was overcome with a realization that cleansed me with enlightenment.
Mistress is the one who birthed me.
And upon saying this, I swear I could hear their giggles bouncing in my head.
They were by my side, cradling me.
my baby girl.
Their voice is recorded in my brain, echoing in its confines, in an endless feedback loop.
I stared into their eyes and quickly teared up. They brushed my hair and wiped my eyes, and I giggled from their pleasant touch.
I now know that I didn't really choose to get the implant. That it was a matter of time before I got my own. That it was, to put it bluntly, less of a hassle for everyone involved if I was given one last illusion of freedom.
None of this matters now.
I clung onto my Mistress, tilted my head and smiled.
I struggle so much with accurately describing how much I am in love with them.
We are a proud québécoise artist living on yet to be ceded indigenous land.
We like to make music, drawings, animations, and sometimes writing. Our interests and artforms tend to fluctuate so expect lots of different ideas here. Find our tags as well as a list of specs below! 👾
⸸ ⸸ ⸸
name: Nanou
pronouns: she/they
age: 31
languages: français/english
identity: transfeminine chiroptera RGB system
flavours: neurodivergent, disabled, plural
sexuality: sapphic, switch, T4T, poly
fandoms: hdg, digital circus, bigtop burger
interests: furry, clowns, vhs tapes, robots
hobbies: drawing, writing, making music
kinks, in descending order of preference: mommy, gentle fem dom, pet play, feminine body hair, age regression (strictly non-sexual), breastfeeding, biting/marking, ownership, intoxication, mild masochism
Proud mommy of @yourgoodlittlepuppy 💖
Fuck generative AI, free Palestine/Cuba/Iran, death to Zionism and American imperialism, ACAB, land back, Québec libre.
