#namedhell

pulling jo into the bliss is easy: one bliss bullet grazing her shoulder but it’s enough, enough to soak into her system, enough for her to appear in the paradise. faith’s smile is angelic as she sees her, grabbing at her hands, pulling her deeper and deeper, down the rabbit hole they go. ❝Welcome to the bliss,❞ she giggles, and lets go of her hand to gesture to q, full of the drug, too out of it to know her sister is here, and too far away for jo to reach her without faith intervening.

❝Doesn’t she look so happy?❞ faith questions as she watches q trying to grasp a butterfly around her. ❝You could be that happy too,❞ she says, eyes turning back to jo, a butterfly now settling on jo’s shoulder.

fifty kisses.   32: to wake james up.

         ‘ you’ve been gone too long this time. ’

neil punctuates the statement with a gentle pat to jay’s breastbone. the smile that follows is weak and brief, and weaker and briefer than it’s been before, which proves to all (zero living) watchers on that the game only gets harder to play.

to have developed feelings at all is unfortunate, but to have developed them for someone whose perfected parlor trick is dying feels like a particularly cruel cosmic joke.

he rests at an angle over james’ body, his chair close enough to the table that he doesn’t have to stand all the way up.

fifty kisses.   23: in relief.

         ‘ you didn’t come — ’ home, is what he means to say, but clips it just as soon as he realizes he’s thinking of the morgue. of the table. of james’ lifeless body awaiting prep.

misty is rushing in as he speaks, checking that james is solid with hungry open palms, and kissing him before either of them thinks of what they want to say next. his desperation is unmistakable, though there’s a slump to his uncharacteristically stiff posture that shines a light on the rest  —  the joy, the solace, the happy shock to have had him returned in one piece.

he shifts most of his weight from his toes to his heels just in case they’re working with a clean slate. baffled rejection on jay’s end has become all too familiar a greeting.

father john.

         ‘ oh my god, i swear i’ve heard you say that before. ’ he doesn’t mean it as an insult: it’s far nearer to a moment self-evaluation. what’s he doing? why does he pursue someone whose words feel like angry ticks in a countdown to another unintentional heartbreak?

the kisses are comfortable for neil. they feel practiced, perfected, right in the way that only comes with knowing a person intimately. he doesn’t doubt that james is looking at it like it’s their first.