After reading the letter for him from some admirer, I felt bad and I didn’t know how to react.  I wasn’t even trying to be bitter or dramatic; I simply knew I didn’t deserve that scenario. I’m an ordinary girl who can love and care for someone with all my heart, but I can also get jealous and have petty moments.

Hi, Arwin/nakowewe. I’m sorry for acting all clingy. I thought it was going to be okay. Every time I see myself in your posts, I don’t have anything to feel but fear. I know how unhealthy this is, and it scares me. It scares me more than anything else. I’m not gonna fall for another guy who has no intention of catching me so I’ll just keep in mind that all your posts are for somebody else. Let’s just say that you’re texting me and reading my favorite book just because you’re bored. I don’t want to feel special and end up hurting again.

Sorry. I just don’t know how to handle my own feelings anymore. I told you I’m not gonna write anything in here. I said if I’m gonna say something, I’ll say it to you directly. But I don’t think I can do that as for this one.

Dear nakowewe,

So first, before saying anything else, I hope this letter will reach you. It’s been bugging me for a couple of days and I couldn’t get someone to talk to about this. This isn’t the first time I will write to you. In fact, I already did that several times through Fanmails, I just don’t send them..because it doesn’t seem right. It’s unconventional—you see, I was the girl and..(okay let me say this now, finally) I was the one confessing my feelings in hopes that you would regard them and be grateful.

I like you, a lot. This isn’t just a mere attraction. I like you because you are you when you talk, you are you when you tease me about my name, you are you when you throw punchlines—to make it simple, you aren’t just the guy people see on the surface..you are far more than that.

I don’t know what gotten in me because I’m writing you a letter (I still am in doubt if there are chances that you’ll get to read this). I already quit this whole thing, Tumblr, because it has changed a whole awful lot. And it doesn’t seem pleasing to me. BUT I didn’t stop visiting my favorite blogs, and that includes yours. My instinct is telling me that you like someone now because you talk about her in every post. But that didn’t stop me from feeling this. And the more that I do, the more it grows. I wasn’t aware when this thing started, all I knew was exchanging fanmails with you on a daily basis became a part of my routine (which isn’t now because I deactivated). 

There were times when I think of the reason why you don’t publish your answer when I send you a TA, especially when that TA sounded the same like those you publish. 

God, I don’t know where this letter is going. But yeah, I’m getting a bit lazy to type this. I’m not a fan of shift key but since I wanted to make this look normal, I am pressing it anyway. I really like you, Arwin DVG. I don’t want you to be guilty because I know you don’t feel the same. I just want you to know that someone admires you not because you are chinito and handsome (doubtful because I haven’t seen you in person) and math genius, but because you are true.

Will you still help me do my Math homework?

Smile at the camera sometimes. Think of her—think of the girl you love.