I’m trying to keep these blog posts positive, but I’m afraid that the following topic will bring out the negative in me because there are some painful feelings regarding this topic that I need to resolve.

I’m unsure about a lot of the decisions I’ve made in my life, but the decision to not have children is not one of them.  Why do I want to be childfree?  There are so many reasons and I could go on at length about each of them...So where do I begin?  Well, for one, I truly value my alone time and time to “do nothing” and zone out.  Also, I simply can’t stand the jarring sound of young childrens’ loud crying and screaming.  It seriously bothers me.  And I’m just not very good with children.  I feel very awkward around them and don’t know how to be around them.  I *refuse* to coo and make baby talk.  Yet, oddly enough, I am the total opposite around animals, especially cats, whether it’s my own or other people’s.  There are some people who get excited over babies.  That’s how I am with cats.  

The crazy thing is, I am at an age when ALL of my friends and peers are having babies (or least it seems like all of them).  This year alone, four of my friends had babies, in addition to the number of acquaintances.  And now another one will be expecting in April.  And I can tell you from experience that once friends have babies, they cross a threshold that cannot be crossed back again.  The friendship is no longer the same because their children become their whole life and main preoccupation.  And of course, it’s *good* that people are committed to making sure their children are taken care of and have the best life possible and of *course* I’m happy knowing that my friends are living the life they want to live.  And yet...I feel alienated, left behind.  Parents bond with other parents because they understand what it’s like.  I become the person who just “doesn’t understand” what it’s like to be a parent.  I can see how some people are driven to have their own children...just so they can fit in!  But I don’t ever want to understand what it’s like to be a parent.  From what I hear other’s say about it, it’s just not something that I want to go through.

So I was reading the latest issue of Wired magazine and I found a write-up (”Antisocial Media: Not Every Message Has to Go Viral” by Clive Thompson) on txt.fyi, which is a a bare-bones publishing platform created by Boing-Boing editor Rob Beschizza.  You write some text, click on the “Publish” button, and whatever you wrote appears online, plain and simple with no frills.  There are no social components to this *at all* so you can’t leave comments, you can’t follow other posters, etc.  This platform also blocks search engines so you can’t search for other txt.fyi posts.  The only way others can access what you wrote is if you provide them with the link.  And apparently, this isn’t the only online publishing platform of its kind.  There is also: Bold.io, SaidSo.me, and telegra.ph probably among yet others.  

There’s something about these platforms that appeals to me…and it seems that it appeals to many others, judging by the fact that there’s quite a number of them.  txt.fyi and the like runs counter to the very underlying principles of being seen that is the bedrock of today’s web.  In fact, the platforms almost seem…subversive.  It is a rather extreme response because there is no way to be found, at least via search engine.  

But, there is something to be said about being seen and connecting online.  People forget that as the web and the Internet evolved, we yearned to be more connected online…which brought us to where we are now.  I know that not many people come upon this blog but I would be lying if I said that I don’t hope that at least a few people come across my entries.  

Let’s put aside the autism thing for a moment.  Let’s talk about technology (as if *that* hasn’t been written about before!).  It’s been something I’ve always been fascinated by, especially since I came of age during the time when the Internet went from being a specialized field of interest to being part of everyday life for nearly everyone.  I have always told myself that if I had a regular blog, it would be about my observations on technology in people’s lives and in society.  While that hasn’t happened, I *have* written about it, mostly privately, but I have been known to write a blog entry here and there.

So this is what’s been on my mind regarding technology: Lately, there has been SO MUCH written about how we’re being distracted by technology, namely, smartphones.  I am no exception among the people affected.  I find that using apps and checking social media is something I do as a form of mindless distraction.  I’ve wasted so much time, it seems.  I used to be able to get through books fairly quickly but now I struggle to find the time to read besides my lunch breaks.  And it’s not that I have that many more responsibilities that would take away time to read.  I feel confident in saying that mindlessly going on the Internet is what’s taking up my time.  

So I’ve definitely thought about, or even romanticized, the idea of completely disconnecting from the Internet and social media.  And yes, I’ve even gone through social media “fasts” which have been helpful in teaching me that when I’m away from social media, I don’t really miss it, which means: yes, I *can* live without it!  But something always draws me back.  I think it’s a combination of FOMO and wanting to reach out to people out of loneliness.  But on a deeper, psychological level, my brain seeks a reward and, as an autistic person, I may often use it as an escape from my immediate surroundings when things get too overwhelming.  

So my mind keeps idealizing life without the Internet.  In my mind, a life without the Internet would have no distractions, leaving me the time to pursue the activities I’ve abandoned, such as reading.  I would have no choice but to take up analog technologies that I used to use as a kid, like writing by hand.  Life would be simpler...

NaBloPoMo 2017 | It's here. National Blog Post Month [...] #NaBloPoMo #NaBloPoMo2017 #blog

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It’s here. National Blog Post Month. NaBloPoMo for short. Running in tandem with National Writing Month (something that I admire but don’t think I’ll ever be able to participate in).

Bloglovin’ Plug: Follow my blog with Bloglovin

So I’ve participated in this annual push for bloggers for about four years now, starting in 2013 I believe (but that beginning was on my…