#mymrbig

      I apologize in advance this is going to be a very long and probably going to be one of the hardest ones to write.

      When I first met Mr. Popularity I hated his guts. My first real encounter with him was at a party my roommate and I were throwing.  I was the first one to turn 21 because I transferred before I graduated with my bachelor’s degree in photography. He came to my gathering with this girl friend of his. The two of them were always together but I knew they were only friends. He started opening doors throughout my apartment. I FREAKED out on him asking what he was looking for. I told him that we weren’t rich so if he were trying to steal something he would find a whole lot of nothing because we are poor college girls. He was sheathing mad when I said that. He told me he was looking for the bathroom. I pointed him in the right direction. Mr. Popularity used the bathroom came out and told his friend what happened and they needed to bounce. I saw him here and there at school but not enough to have a conversation since we were in different majors and he hated me.

        A good year went by before were in the same place at the same time for a long period of time. It was a welcome back party that this girl Janelle was posting t her very posh apartment. My roommate and I were being so silly that night. We had gotten these white with hot pink writing shirts on that we got at the shore that summer that had “Future MILFS,” printed on them. We thought were so cheeky but looking back it was pretty lame. We were taking photos and sending them to a guy friend of mine from back home. We weren’t paying attention to anyone. Mr. Popularity was sitting at the table with us and he kept trying to engage me in conversation for the first hour I completely ignored him. He kept asking, “Why aren’t you drinking,” I simply said: “I don’t need to drink to be cool but I have early am class and I am everyone’s DD.” He thought that was a great answer then he kept talking, which I heard was out of his comfort zone because he is usually very aloof. He asked if I was single and what my major was? The usual getting to know each other questions. When the night was winding down. He asked for my phone number. I think my girlfriends were more excited about our interaction than me. I honestly didn’t think anything from him. I thought he would be the type to be a smooth talker at a party then leaves to never hear from him again. Boy was I wrong. Three days later I was watching a movie with my friend. I heard my phone ring from the bedroom. I didn’t recognize the number but I instantly knew it was him from the area code. I nervously answered. He said,” Hello it is Mr. Popularity. He asked if I was free this upcoming weekend. I panicked because I hadn’t been on a date in three years I got so nervous because I hadn’t been on a date in threes I pulled an imaginary party out of my ass so I didn’t have to be alone with him.  He said he would love to come. Before hanging up he said he would call me on Friday for the details. I got off the phone so excited but nervous. Shit now I have to plan a party. I invited probably the whole school, which isn’t saying much because it was the smallest college in town. I even invited my brother and some of his friends from E Town.  The night of the party came. I had to pick out the best outfit, my hair and makeup had to be on fleek. I looked pretty good if I said so myself. A lot of people came and of course he came fashionably late. My heart seriously skipped a beat when he walked into the room. He came over to hug me. He told me how beautiful I looked and thanks for inviting him. It was definitely one of the best parties I ever threw. The weather was perfect night in early October. People were able to go on my deck to enjoy the perfect temperature. People were playing pong in my dining area. People were taking up every inch of my floor and sofa. It was a wonderful turn out. The grumpy man in back of us called the cops, which wasn’t uncommon. I smoothed it out with the cops they said if they were off duty they would love to hang out with us but just do them a favor and keep the noise level to a minimum. After that people started leaving which was completely fine with it being 1 am and all. Mr. Popularity asked if I minded if he slept on my couch because he drove his crotch rocket and didn’t want to get pulled over. I was more then fine with us being able to have a little one on one time now that my nerves calmed down. We stayed up talking until probably 4 am and we slept on separate couches. My lucky brother took over my entire room. We woke up around 8. I made breakfast for everyone that stayed. Everyone helped clean up the party remnants as I cooked. Back then hangovers didn’t exist so I hung out with Gay Best Friend for the rest of the day. During the time we were together I got a call from Mr. Popularity them me he had a great time with me. He asked if he could he take me to dinner that week. I said of course. My GBF loved every second of our interaction he made loud kissy noises and totally making fun of us.

   Wednesday of that week I started a job for the school. It was about two weeks after we started talking. I was on the phone that first night with my dad. I was telling how bored I was and how the semester had just started none of the professors have given any assignments yet. Mr. Popularity came strolling in and I shrieked with excitement in my dad’s ear. He asked what the hell happened. I explained to him who was there and I hung up with him to spend time with my man. He said to me I came to whisk me away to a party down the street once your shift is over. We went and I felt like I was on top of the world.

          Later that month I went to meet his super smoking hot uncle and aunt’s at their house for dinner. I felt like I was in that scene of How to Lose a Guy in 10 Days. The scene where Andie played by Kate Hudson meets Ben played by Matthew McConaughey’s parents at their house. They are playing a friendly game of Bullshit. Ben’s mom said we expect you to come back because you have held Ben to his lowest bullshit score on record. Andie asked: “Why were all his other girlfriends bullshit losers? His mom said: “What other girlfriends? You are the first girl he has ever brought home so don’t go and break his heart now. Mr. Popularity’s aunt said the same exact thing to me. I had such a blast talking and cleaning up the kitchen with her after dinner.  I know I got a standing ovation from them I saw the text as proof.

        At the end of the first month of pure bliss was my twenty-third birthday.  I planned a little get together at my house. It was pretty terrible to be a hundred percent honest. Early afternoon, he came over just to end things with me. I was understandably devastated in my mind things were going great. I met some of his family and he met mine.  He told me he was still coming to my party  and that I was not to tell anyone what happened. It was hard put on a happy face and still host my party. A lot of people came. Despite what happened earlier that afternoon it was a pretty good time. Mr. Popularity was in rare form. He was singing and giggling at himself for attention. No one was really paying him any mind. I was getting a little annoyed but I let it go because I didn’t want to seem like that birthday brat. My guy friend Jason was walking him alone. I didn’t allow that happen since he lived in the roughest part of town. When I got back I realized Mr. Popularity had left without a word. I was panicking, asking everyone why he or she let him go knowing he had been drinking, and lived clear across town from me.  I was so worried I called him probably a dozen times. Without an answer I went to grab my keys to go check on him. My friend Graham-cracker said absolutely not this is your party and you have had some to drink. He was one of my closest friends at the time. He knew what happened earlier in the day. Mr. Cracker stayed the night on the couch to make sure I didn’t get up and leave in the middle of the night. I didn’t see or hear from Mr. Popularity until my actual birthday on Monday morning. My blood was boiling at that point. All of my good friends were wishing me a Happy Birthday giving me huge hugs. Mr. Popularity sulked up to me sheepishly not sure how I would react.  I didn’t raise my voice at all. I looked at him and just clearly stated if you ever did anything like that to me again I will end him. I was super worried that he had died. It was rude and irresponsible. I told him to grow up and be a man. He calmly told me that he thought I liked Jason. That made him jealous because he thought something was going to happen with us. I said with all six people watching that came with me. He said he was so sorry. We weren’t together but we kept going on being the fake couple on our throne of lies. We literally had the same group of friends and were together all the time. We couldn’t escape each other even if we wanted. 

One of our hardest moments was when he called me hysterically crying. I didn’t have class that day. Mr. Popularity said he looked for me everywhere but he had to tell me his dad had a stroke. I told him to first calm down and the needed to go to his father because school can wait everyone would understand. The next day he had night class. I made him a care package of all his favorite candy and movies. I hand delivered it to make sure he was fine with my own two eyes. He instantly burst into tears saying that was the nicest thing anyone has ever done for him. I am truly his best friend and he loved me so much.  I took that with a grain of salt knowing he was going through such a hard time. He did kind stuff for me too. I suffered quit frequently with strep throat, all throughout college; he brought me over milk shakes to calm my throat.

 When it was rapidly approach seven months of us being in this limbo relationship. I was very insecure because I didn’t how to explain to people what we were. I got super angry drunk on tequila one night with all my friends. I completely lashed out. I told him: “I seriously hate your guts for doing this to me.” I screamed at him while we were at my friends house:” You broke up with me the day of my birthday party we hang out all the time but I am not your girlfriend then what the hell are we?”  He couldn’t answer he was stunned. We stopped hanging out for a couple of weeks. Then we went back to normal again by his doing. The two of us went hiking often to my favorite spot Pinnacle Point.

 That summer he celebrated his 21st birthday by coming and spending the weekend with my family, friends and myself. I was so excited to have him where I felt the most myself. I knew my friends would show him the best birthday ever. I made him the best 21-year-old gift kit with his favorite beer, ice cooler, bottle opener, awesome shot glasses, and Tylenol you name it was in there. He couldn’t get over how nice everyone was. He didn’t pay for a cent that night. My parents were our DDs. My friends came out to celebrate him they didn’t even know him that well. I did however put this girl in her place for overstepping. She kept trying to dance with him while I was standing right there. He would be lying if he said he didn’t enjoy it a little bit. That was one of my favorite nights with him. I will keep that memory locked up tight. The next day he wanted to experience the Jersey shore. That evening my mom made him his favorite dinner and chocolate cake. We sang Happy Birthday. It was the perfect weekend aside from me getting horrible sunburn.

 Once school started it was pure bliss for us. We started going to the gym together. We were rarely scene apart from one another.  My 24th birthday rapidly approached which scared me because of what happened the year before. I decided since everyone was 21 at that point I was hanging my gathering out on my actual birthday because it was on a Tuesday. A huge group came out which was amazing to have almost everyone I loved there. Mr. Popularity paid for my entire tab being college students that was a huge deal. We went to our college later that night and had drunk conversations with some of the professors that were still lingering. The funniest thing was his zipper was down the entire time he was chatting with one of them. I died laughing the entire way back to his place. I fell asleep while he did his assignment for the next day. Such a romantic night I know. That next night he made me dinner, which was the best birthday gift a girl, could ask for. His girl roommate said “Kelly you must be really special because I have never seen him cook like this for anyone.” It was so delicious and I was so impressed. That weekend it was parents weekend at my brothers college. So my parents were staying with me. I planned a birthday gathering for everyone that couldn’t make my bar celebration. I have never seen so many people at my place. The night had a rocky start because Mr. Popularities roommate brought a couple of rude partygoers that we had to kick out. The people destroyed the lobby of my building and knocked over my light. I called him at work telling him what happened. He said I will get there a.s.a.p. Once they were gone is when the fun began. My friend Gravy was teaching everyone the new awesome dance moves. The cops came four times that night, which I suspected the rude partygoers, had called. Once Mr. Popularity got there is when the real fun began. He asked me to go meet his parents two weeks from then because his mom would be in town and we had a couple days off of school. Everyone knows how aloof and emotionless he was so it was a huge deal. I of course said yes. My friends were hyping it up saying he is going to propose in front of his family while we were there. We were young and dumb. It was a really fun weekend. I got along so well with his mom and dad. They are truly great people. He told his mom, “I was the girl he wanted to marry and have children with.” I got butterflies when he said it because I was head over heels in love with him.

 Everything changed when we got back from meeting his family.  I planned this “special”evening for us. I bought all this romantic stuff. I got my hair and make up done by a good friend. I wanted to make it perfect. I truly felt like Christmas was so close and we might be getting engaged because it was his senior year. He got to my house and found me in the bedroom. He said “Kelly I thought you knew I just wanted to be friends, now you went and made it awkward I don’t think we can even hanging out anymore.” I ran into the bathroom I cried my eyes out while he was watching the Hulk Hogan show on TV on my couch for the next hour. I called my friend Graham-cracker and he was dating my good friend at the time. Graham was so pissed he said those things. He told me he was going to kill him and he is crazy for turning you down. Once I got myself together and pealed myself off my bathtub with tear soaked cheeks. I sat next time on the couch and asked why? He said, “We haven’t been together in over a year.” I told him to stop kidding himself we were together so much and have gone through so much together in the past year for him to believe we weren’t anything more then friends. I started to cry he told me he couldn’t deal with me like that. He got up and left. The worst thing about it was my friend scheduled a photo shoot at my place early the next morning. She took this beautiful portrait of me. Anyone can see such pain and suffering in the expression on my face. I promised myself I never ever want to feel that hurt again. It December at this point of his senior year unfortunately I had to just make it two weeks more in the History class we had together. It was horribly painful because everyone knew what happened with us. We went away on Christmas break not speaking and pretty much for the rest of the year. I saw his father and him at the mall close to Christmas. His dad asked me when I was coming back to visit them. I felt like my jaw had dropped to the ground because I knew he hadn’t told his father about us ending things. I told him I would love to come back sometime if I was invited.

 In March of 2008, my friends and I went to celebrate someone’s birthday at a place close to his apartment. I prayed he wouldn’t be there but of course he was. I was dating this guy from back home but came to an end that particular night. Mr. Popularity and I did our best to ignore each other. My good friend Bridget came up to me. She said, “I can see the two of you aren’t speaking. What happened? You guys are so perfect for one another!” She worked with him at one of his jobs. She also went to school with us. I explained the story. Bridget said: “I have something to tell you that might be painful. “I said: “Hello don’t leave me hanging do tell.” She said: “I am pretty sure he is gay. I said:” Shut up no way. “ She said” No! I am very serious.” She knew that I knew this gay guy Henry who worked with them. She was pretty sure they have had a things going on for over a year now. I then thought about all the past times which kind of made sense. My brother even called it but I didn’t want to believe it.

         I didn’t talk to him that much for the rest of the year. I did come back to town for his senior show exhibition with a friend and my mom. I wanted to show him how mature I was and selfishly see him one last time. His work was amazing. He got a little choked up when he saw me and gave me the biggest hug.  I ran into his dad in the stairwell. He gave me a hug and kiss on the cheek. He introduced me to Mr. Popularity’s grandfather as his girlfriend. That was like getting stabbed in the stomach hearing those words uttered from his mouth. I politely smiled, shook his hand.  I couldn’t get away from the interaction fast enough. I ran to the closest bathroom to cry my eyes out. I couldn’t believe he still after all those months not told his family he broke up with me. Then everything came crashing back all the amazing times we shared together, meeting each others families and how he said he was staying in town for an extra year to see what would happen with us after my senior year. The summer came and went. It was a sad but good one.