#mylyme

ugh i hate my life right now.

I want to not have to deal with any of this anymore. 

And this isn't even about wanting to die (though I guess that's part of it but not something drastic right now, no worries) it's just I want to give up on getting better. I want to give up going to endless doctor appointments, endless IV treatments, trying endless medications and supplements and remedies that just make.me.feel.so.much.worse. 

I just want to stop it all. I want it to stop consuming my life. I want to stop analyzing every symptom, on a scale from 1-10, better or worse?, I just want to stop all of it. 

I want to just give up. 

When I think about how I'm not even close to being done with this journey, it's all so overwhelming and feels so incredibly pointless. Constantly calling doctors, setting up appointments, talking about new treatments that we could try that may or may not do anything and by past experience will probably only make me feel worse. 

And it's just like WHY. This is not a life worth living. I am just so sick of being in constant pain, constantly being dizzy, constantly feeling nauseous, feeling like a zombie because of fatigue and medicine, having no friends, having no life outside of my tumblr and monotonous doctor appointments. 

I.Am.Just.Done.

Which of course is a lie. Nothing is going to change. I'm going to continue to lie here and bitch about it and nothing is going to change. A year from now I'll read this post and be like 'welp life is exactly the same what a shocker!'.