Is there someone else?

Did you get bored?

Was I “too real” or did your perception of me get shattered?

No really, is there someone else or did you just fucking get bored?  Because no matter how much I brought up the times I wanted to be with you, you would just shrug it off as if I were nothing.

I’m an adult.  I can handle myself.  But you were my lover for a reason.

What’s also sad is that none of our parents even knew what this relationship was, or that it even existed at all.

Literally, the moment I became public with our relationship to the two most important people involved, I had already sensed you wanting to walk away.

Silly of me to think you and I could walk away from an explosion unscathed.

Mother’s Day, and my sweet dog’s birthday.  We were still happy for most of today...or so it seemed.

Then, an argument.

No matter what I said, all you did was get angrier, and there was nothing I could say or do to fix it.  You just wouldn’t let me.

And I knew from that moment on you already decided to leave.

But I still held out hope.

May 13: I cried because I knew we were headed for a split.

Sometime before that, you told me,

“for someone so afraid of breaking up, you’re thinking of so many reasons why there would be one.”

Too bad.  We did it anyway.  You forced it on me.

as of May 30, 2019.

In all actuality, the titular breakup started turning its wheels on May 12th of this year...and became official Saturday, May 18th, the day of my second college graduation.

The original contents of this diary, which began in 2014 or so, have been destroyed, their words burned in fire, and ashes scattered to the winds of the night in La Jolla, California.  They were accompanied by pages from other journals, and especially by what was once a significant necklace - plain and cheap, but sentimental.

All of these things died in a fire, but most of all, my ability to feel love and purpose in my heart for someone who used to be special and who had crushed my soul multiple times over.