Today I have given up. I have lost today's battle. I slept from 6 am to 2pm. My kids see somethings wrong I know they do. I hate myself because I can't protect them from this hell I'm in. They are in a battle, a war, that they don't know is going on. My husband knows he's in this fight and he knows I've lost the battle today. I see the concern and the sadness in his eyes knowing he can't fight the battle for me. I want to crawl in a hole and die. I don't what to die. I know this is one fight one battle but it hurts to be awake and moving, to be conscious.