I found this is my drafts about the past year (2012) and I'm deciding to post it now whatever
December 31st, 2011, I brought in the new year with two people and some recklessness. The city we stumbled around in will always be my favorite city, but one of the people I stumbled with vanished mid June.
Come late January, I've sunk to my knee's, wondering why my best friend had to accumulate such a life threatening disease. I spent February, March and April worrying about the life threatening part - I couldn't have one more life taken away from me.
I was asked to be someones valentine on the 14th.
I tried to love someone else for reasons I can't explain and for reasons I can, all in all, you can't make yourself love someone, even like them, we're programmed to be more accidental than that.
You opened your wrists in March, and you left me in April, though I didn't know it would be permanent at the time.
Summer was the simplest of great and horrible and gone as quickly as it started. I spent June and July thinking at high speed, record rates. I went back to my dad's home town, and our relationship grew. My father's no longer a mystery to me.
I started taking college classes this year.
I can't stop thinking, I never stopped thinking, smoke would come out of my ears at times because the gears in my brain never get a break. I can't recall much of what happened that Summer because it was so fast.
The end of it brought you back. 5 months of absence and then finally a "I ran away to sort myself out" and a "I don't expect you to forgive me, but I'm sorry." I forgive, but I NEVER forget. I'll always be amazed at how easily you fell back into me, my life, as if nothing happened. I hate you so much. You're so important. I think it's because you belong there, which is terrifying.
This year was learning how to drive in the minivan I grew up in. It was the stranger on the bus who told me he lost his faith with a bottle of alcohol, and with his sobriety, made his peace with God. Months ago, on warm nights I'd go to the park, my park, with the view and I'd ask why. I'd bring coffee with me, and just sit there with the view and wait for the year to end. Now I've come back, later, colder, closer, to the next year, and I thanked it. It. It being who ever I was yelling and screaming at. It being whomever was receiving my WHYS and HOW COULD YOUS and WHAT HAVE I DONES. The year that everything went wrong but ended right. Ended with him kissing the nose I've been teased for, the nose I don't like, as if it wasn't so imperfect.
