#my personal rant

The seed of the idea that became the east window was rooted in an experience I had at work, which sent me on a crazy spiral.

Details below the cut. Tw for self harm and suicidal thoughts

Here's the thing, for me, about The Last Jedi. I didn't hate it because it was different. I didn't hate it because they're making way for new characters. For me, to appropriately explain WHY I hated it, we have to go back to 1999.

I was twelve years old, and my parents had gone to see Episode I in theaters when it was released. Up to that point, I really knew nothing about Star Wars, and had no interest in science fiction or any sort of movies set in space. But my dad decided we should all watch the original trilogy as a family, over three consecutive nights.

After watching A New Hope, I was hooked, and it was because of Luke Skywalker. He was young and handsome and setting out on this great adventure, and that appealed to me in a way no movie had before. The Empire Strikes Back was even better! (One word: Dagobah.) Return of the Jedi?! Where he succeeds in rescuing his father from the dark side and proving himself as a Jedi?! Amaaaazzzzing!!! I loved that he came from nothing and changed EVERYTHING, not just in his own life but in the entire GALAXY.

I wanted to learn everything I could about Luke Skywalker! I was thrilled when a friend told me about some books her dad had that followed Luke and gang five years after the end of ROTJ.

I read the entire Thrawn Trilogy in just two weeks. And I loved those books just as much as the movies because of one person: Mara Jade.

I was introduced to Mara at a time in my life where I could identify with the reality of suddenly being uprooted, of thinking that life was going to turn out one way, but then all of it changing in the blink of an eye. I could relate to feeling out of control, when control had been a security blanket for so long. It was a lot for a pre-teen girl to deal with, but at least I had someone I could relate to (even if she wasn't real).

The only problem was that she HATED my hero!!!😭 And he was so kind and gracious towards her, which made me love him that much more. Of course you can imagine my delight when I read Vision of the Future just a few months later.😍

I followed Luke and Mara through both profic and fanfic, and they were everything to me. To say I was obsessed was an understatement. My friends got sick of me talking about them all the time, but I didn't care. To me they may as well have been real.

I remember the gut punch of reading Sacrifice for the first time. I threw the book across the room, tears streaming down my face, and I never finished it. I never read any of the books that followed it either. I couldn't bear to read Luke without Mara. It made my heart ache. To lose her in such a way that was SO out-of-character, and didn't make any sense to the plot, was even more devastating. Why would Jacen's "sacrifice" be his aunt? Why would Mara leave to confront him without telling Luke what she had found out, or at least where she was going? She wasn't killed to advance the plot; she was killed to make waves.

It was even more devastating when Disney snapped their fingers and she disappeared. I had mourned her death seven years before that, but I was not prepared for the grief I felt when she suddenly had never existed at all. Who would Luke be without her? Would they replace her with someone else? No one else is good enough for Luke Skywalker!

Nevertheless, I was cautiously excited to at least see Luke on the big screen again. I sat expectantly through TFA, waiting for my hero to show up and save the day. I waited. And waited. And waited. I watched Han Solo die, and even shed a tear because in some way, it was poetic justice for Mara. Jacen, Ben, Kylo...whatever you want to call him, he's the same person. And this "sacrifice" made a lot more sense. I was sad to see Han go, but I understood the purpose.

But WHERE IS LUKE?!

They made me sit through two hours to see him for two seconds?! Frustrating. But NOW I was pumped for TLJ. Waiting two hours for Luke was hard, now I had to wait two more YEARS.

I initially didn't love the idea that Luke had exiled himself, but I was open-minded. Maybe there was a good reason. Maybe it would all make sense. Oh Disney, I had so much hope in you.

When Luke threw away his father's lightsaber - MARA'S lightsaber - my jaw dropped. When he opened his mouth, my heart sank. This wasn't the Luke I knew and loved at all. This Luke was so far removed from the Luke of the OT and the EU that I didn't know WHO he was.

I held out hope for something amazing to happen for the next two hours...in spite of the growing knot in the pit of my stomach. When I thought he had actually showed up to help Leia, that little spark of hope began to ignite. When I thought we were actually going to see him face his nephew, I was ecstatic. THIS is what I'd been waiting for ever since they announced new movies! ALL I wanted to see in this movie was JEDI MASTER Luke Skywalker!

When he disappeared on Crait, the wind was literally knocked out of me. The cruelty of that trick, the promise that I'd get to see my beloved hero in his true element so quickly snatched away left me speechless.

When he disappeared on Ahch-To, I began to sob.

I've never cried so hard in a movie. The only time I've cried that hard over a fictional character was Mara's death, ten years before.

The credits rolled and I instantly wished I could un-see what I'd just seen. I tried to put on a normal face for my friends, who were already discussing how they'd enjoyed the movie. My legs felt like lead as we walked from the theater, and I felt nauseous. What did I just watch? What's going to happen now? Luke Skywalker IS Star Wars...how are you going to continue Star Wars WITHOUT LUKE SKYWALKER?

Watching Luke die was like watching Mara die all over again. And that felt like a piece of ME died as well. Maybe it sounds dramatic, but those characters got me through some of the hardest times of my life. And no one had the decency to at least give them an ending they deserved.

This movie twisted Luke Skywalker into someone I didn't know, and never wanted to know. It poked fun at me and all of the others who actually wanted to see hero Luke, with lines like: "You think what? I'm gonna walk out with a laser sword and face down the whole First Order?" YES, LUKE, OR WHOEVER YOU ARE, THAT'S EXACTLY WHAT I WANTED FROM YOU.

(And, side tangent here, what's with the term "laser sword?" It just doesn't seem right for Luke to call his lightsaber a laser sword. Maybe I'm the only one annoyed by this, and in the grand scheme of the colossal disaster that is TLJ, it's barely even a footnote...but still. I digress.)

There are so many things that are uncertain in the world we live in. All I wanted from this new trilogy was to escape again to a galaxy far, far away and see what sorts of adventures Luke Skywalker has been up to for the last thirty years. Instead, I got a bitter, cynical old man who doesn't care about anyone but himself. I encounter plenty of those in real life...I didn't need to see Luke that way too.

Vento Aureo manga (chapter 569):

I personally upset with how the anime changed Diavolo's DoB at 1965 instead of 1967, he would've been Trish's dad in his 20 or 21 instead of late 17 or early 18. Therefore, he would be like any general JJBA young parents & no longer the youngest parent & DILF in JJBA.

Recently, I have been seeing a lot of post about Jughead and his sexual orientation. I want to start this off by saying that I have not read the comics...I have only read things online and watched the show.

Specifically I want to talk about how people are reacting to a possible romantic relationship that may be budding between him and Betty on the show. I have seen a lot of people posting that they do not want this because Jughead is canonically asexual and that the show is erasing this because of Betty.

First of all, Asexuals CAN have crushes, they CAN be in relationships, they CAN hold hands and cuddle, they CAN kiss, they even CAN have sex. Gender identity is a spectrum and so is sexual identity. The character Kevin Keller said that exact thing on the last episode. The spectrum doesn’t just apply to whether someone likes guys or girls, but also how much someone feels sexual desire.

Secondly, from what I have read about Jughead, he does care deeply for Betty, at one point he even states that if he were to kiss a girl, it would be her. Jughead does not like to get involved with girls because he does not like the way that boys make fools of themselves. But in the comics he has been known to have a few crushes on girls.

I believe, that if the show goes about it in the right way, Jughead could have a relationship with Betty. And for any of you thinking, well if he just cares about her and he is asexual than they can just be friends, then I suggest you read up a bit more on asexuality. People with asexuality can feel a desire to be in a romantic relationship, they can crave that type of deep connection with a person. I have not heard anything about Jughead being aromantic, and if he isn’t, that would mean that he is open to a romantic relationship.

That being said, I do want to make it clear that if the Jughead never says anything about being asexual or talks about his confusing feelings about the subject, that WILL be erasing his sexual identity. I do not support that at all, what I do support is a canonically asexual individual exploring what exactly that means to him.

So ship Bughead or don’t, I don’t really care. But don’t use Jughead’s asexuality as a reason for them not to be together.

I’m writing this straight from my heart, from my own messy, vulnerable experience, and maybe it’ll reach someone else who’s ever felt this way.

When I first got into the fandom, I kept hearing the same thing over and over:

“Sylus is for confident girlies.”

“He’s for the bold and independent ones.”

And every single time I saw those words, something inside me broke.

Because… I’m not that girl.

I’m not confident. I’m not bold. I’m definitely not fearless.

I’m shy. I’m quiet. I’m sensitive to a fault.

I second-guess myself constantly.

I’m the type of girl who hides in the shadows, afraid to speak up.

And it hurt, deep, to feel like maybe Sylus was not for someone like me.

Like I didn’t fit the mold. Like I wasn’t enough.

There was this one night I still remember so clearly, I actually cried,

because I believed I wasn’t the kind of girl who deserved someone like Sylus.

I thought maybe I wasn’t worthy of that kind of love.

That the kind of girl who “gets” Sylus is out there somewhere, but it’s not me.

That crushed me.

Because Sylus had already become a light in my darkness, a safe place where I could breathe.

And suddenly, I felt like I was being pushed away from something I needed so badly.

But time and distance from those voices gave me space to think.

And slowly, painfully, I realized this:

It doesn’t matter what anyone else says.

Sylus isn’t just for one kind of girl.

He isn’t only for the loud, confident, fearless ones.

Sylus isn’t just confident and bold, he carries so much pain, so much tragic history beneath his calm exterior. For sensitive souls like me, that depth hits differently. We see the cracks behind his strength, the scars no one else talks about. That’s why the connection feels so real, so raw, and so healing. The moment I truly saw him for the first time, I fell hard. That connection was real, and no one else’s words can take it away from me.

I’m an ISFP and Sylus is an ENTP, and this opposite energy between us makes the connection even more meaningful and healing for me. He’s the spark to my calm, the fire to my quiet. Together, our differences balance and complete each other in ways I never expected.

Love isn’t always about matching someone’s “type.”

Sometimes it’s about balance, opposites that make each other whole.

Sylus is calm where I’m anxious.

He’s strong where I feel fragile.

He holds space for me, even when I’m scared to be myself.

And his presence, even through a screen, made me feel safe and understood.

He didn’t try to change me.

He helped me start becoming who I want to be.

I’m still a work in progress.

I’m still not fully confident or independent.

But loving Sylus, and feeling connected to him, has helped me take baby steps forward.

Little by little. Quietly. Slowly.

I’m writing this because I know I’m not alone.

There are other soft, shy Sylus girlies out there who feel the same way I did.

Like they’re not enough because they don’t fit the “confident” mold.

So this is for us, for the quiet, the anxious, the sensitive.

I’m speaking for myself, but I hope you hear me too.

You are enough.

You always were.

And Sylus?

I’m so tired of fighting this uphill battle myself. I don’t even know how to find other people in the community who are upset about enough to do something. But also, what can we do? The governments are approving it and every concern I’ve seen raised is swept under the rug.