It's 1.30 am. Another lonely night drags on as you toss and turn in bed, unable to sleep. for the last 15 minutes you tried to relax by closing your eyes but you just feel restless. In desperation, you decide to call the only person who would understand and comfort you right now. your boyfie, harry.
You place your phone to your ear after calling on his number, knowing he's usually up late. but just in case he's not you just hope. Two rings and you bite down a smile finally hearing his voice on the other end.
"where are you?"
"Where do you think I would be in the middle of the night, miss y/n?" he asks playfully, you can tell by his voice he wasn't asleep.
"I mean, what are you doing?" you correct with a laugh as you notice the sound of papers rustling from his end, as if he is shuffling through pages of a book and then a quiet thud. He'd just closed his book as if he could already sense this won't be a brief convo.
"I could ask you the same thing… Why are you still up so late? isn't it past your bedtime?"
"yeah.. I can't sleep."
"hmm, well i was going to sleep soon." you make a quiet sound in response. "What's keeping you up? Are you hungry?"
"maybe… I don't know, but now you'll have to stay up with me." you hear him chuckle as you twirl your finger on your stomach. you can't stop smiling to yourself. To be honest your stomach feels a little empty, but your emotions are a little mixed because you're not sure exactly what you need right now.
"Why don't you try and eat something and see if it helps, hm?" he spins on his chair, biting his pen between his teeth as he waits for your response.
"I don't feel like getting up…"
"c'mon honey… you should take care of yourself." you sigh, curling up on the bed as his words sink in. "I will stay on the phone with you, if that's what you want." Now that's better.
"Okay, imma go find something to eat then." you grin, getting up, and paddle to the door with your phone to your ear as you walk to the kitchen. "Okay I'm here…"
"good, keep updating me." he smiles, he likes it when you listen to him.
"alright… let's check the fridge first, though I know there's nothing left in there." he remains silent while you open the fridge and then close. He hears your huff.
"so, I assume the fridge is empty."
"It is." you murmur. "I had some chips left but I don't remember where I'd put them." you check the cabinets, and find a pack of biscuits which you don't feel like eating. You close it back and check another one.
"you're such a cute mess, aren't you?" he laughs slightly.
You flush and you're somewhat thankful he can't see it even though he knows how you react to his words. "Are you gonna do something now??"
"What do you want me to do, darling? all I can do right now is listen to you."
Another huff from you was heard. Your eyes are scanning the kitchen while he continues to speak on call. Your gaze falls on the basket that is on the top of the refrigerator. you bring it down and there they are.
"Found itt!" you hear a "good" from him as you pick the already open packet and by the weight you can tell only few are left. "but that's just a few."
"Now don't say that… a few chips are better than no chips at all."
"heyy don't talk to me like that." you say as you pop a chip into your mouth. he chuckles, thinking how you get embarrassed so fast.
"I didn't mean it that way. I'm just happy you're going to eat something." you hmm in response to him as you start munching the chips quietly. "and make sure you drink plenty of water too... it will help you sleep." you hum again while eating.
"What were you doing though?" you ask him.
The conversation goes on as he tells you he was studying before you called him. you move back to your bed but not before having some water like he said. you snuggle back down, pulling the covers over your body while you both keep talking about anything. mostly him as he chatter away telling you about some random things that happened recently. This continued for another hour.
You just listen to his voice and respond whenever you can but for the most part you just hum. You start yawning and sighing tiredly at some point.
"sleepy?" he asks.
"no," you reply, though you sound drowsy. "stay on for a few more minutes… plwase…" He smiles to himself, finding the moment very endearing. He continues to talk but now slightly in whispers for you. Your eyelids are heavy and are slowly closing and moments after you're too drowsy- to even speak a full sentence- when he calls your name to check if you're asleep.
"y/n?" his voice deep with a soft tone. "Are you falling asleep, sweet?"
you muster another sleepy murmur, telling him to stay on the line and he hasn't stopped smiling for the past few minutes. your grip loosen on your phone.
"don't worry…I'll be right here until you're fully asleep." He stays on the call, the whole time until you fall asleep completely. when he tries and speaks to you again, there's no response.
He hears the faint sound of your breathing as you drift into a deep sleep, filled with dreams of him calling your name and whispering sweet nothings to you, knowing he's still there for you, even if it's by phone.
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You have always been that introverted girl, but with that you are also struggling with anxiety and being antisocial, finding it difficult to make friends and connect with others. Despite that, Harry has been supporting you and helping you work towards overcoming your fears. He's been determined to help you overcome your anti-social tendencies. And through his encouragement and gentle challenges, you have slowly started to break out of your shell.
But you're not sure if that is a good thing. You can't help but feel a bit guilty for being like this,so...well...weak. It seems so unfair that Harry has to worry about you all the time. It's obvious that he enjoys taking care of you, but maybe you're being too dependent. It just feels wrong.
Once you and Harry went to a cafe, and he told you to order coffee for you both, which you did and it wasn't that difficult for you like you thought. Just like that he took you with him to the supermarket several times and made you interact with cashiers by asking you to pay.
Today is one of those days. You have an event to attend this evening at your college. Harry takes this as a perfect opportunity.
It's Friday late-afternoon.
You are taking a nap when Harry sneaks his arms around your waist and pulls you closer, so your back is pressed against his chest.
"Wake up!" You hear him whisper in your ear and softly peck your cheek. This kinda stirs you up but you keep your eyes closed. "wakey-wakey" he says again to which you drowsily hum. "You have a party to attend today."
"I don't wanna go, " you groan.
"Why not?" he asks, even though he knows the reason.
"what will I do there?"
"What do you mean, love?"
"You know exactly what I mean." you snuggle your face back into the pillow.
He sighs, "c'mon, it's just a party." you don't say anything so he speaks again. "Go have some fun."
"With whom, harry? I have no one there to have fun with." you turn your body to face him and he's leaning on the side of you.
"Don't worry about that, darling. Maybe you'll meet new people and make friends? you never know what could happen."
"How will i-" you look away, "i… I don't like going to such gatherings, Harry, you know that!"
He grabs your chin and makes you look at him. "I know you don't like being around a lot of people but you never know unless you try, baby. How do you know you won't like that party if you haven't given it a chance?"
You shake your head "but-"
"It's your time to explore your college life. Don't let it pass you by. Get out of your comfort zone and try something new."
It's not like you've never been to any party before, but those were birthday parties and that too when you were young. However, those parties aren't exactly comparable to college parties. Those parties were more casual and provided a sense of familiarity, since you had friends. In addition, that one time you went to the college fresher's party was because you had a companion alongside you, but now that's gone too.
You think about it, still debating whether to go or not.
"Will you give the party a try?" your heart warms and pounders deep, and you feel a range of emotions. You feel moved by his encouragement. You know he believes in you and wants you to try. "Will you make me proud, baby?" That's it. You gulp and nod, finally making the decision. You will go to the party not only because you want to make him proud but also, I can't remain like this forever, You say to yourself.
"there!" he grins, leaning in to kiss you. "Now let's get you ready."
5:30 pm.
You look at yourself in the mirror, wearing your party outfit. You look good, but you still don't want to go. I could just stay at home like this, You think. Your hand fists and your finger start scratching your thumb. Harry, who is watching you from the side of the vanity table, notices as you unconsciously scratch the skin around your thumb nail.
"hey…" he moves in front of you and takes your hands in his, pulling you closer. "I don't wanna pressure you into doing anything but you'll never learn how to be more social if you don't ever put yourself out there and such parties are a great way to do that.'' He's right, parties can be one of the ways to work on one's interaction with others and those social skills.
You nod and say "you're right but I can't… I mean, I don't know."
"y/n, what is it? hm? I know how hard it is for an introvert to put themselves out there and I'm not asking you to go there and meet tons of people right away. Just focus on enjoying and maybe try to make one interaction at first, alright?" he says, your fingers weaving together.
You bite the inside of cheeks as the emotions start to welled up. "I'm afraid… what if I don't fit in?" Again, you are occupied by a deep sense of self-doubt, fear of embarrassing yourself.
"shh! you don't have to fit in and make friends with everyone there. What's important is that you challenge yourself and get out of your comfort zone, and like I said you might even end up making a new friend or two. give it a go." he pats your cheek and smiles at you. You nod, looking up in his eyes.
He leans down and captures your lips with his. He retrieves and you smile, looking at where he got some lipstick around. you point at it and he turns himself to look in the mirror and grins at his reflection.
"It's fine for me but you might have to fix yours, darling." You look at yourself in the mirror, where your lipstick is smudge. Both of you chuckle as you start fixing your makeup.
after 1 hour.
Harry is talking on his phone with one of his friends, when he hears the front door opening. He sees you coming into his view outside the living room. He looks at the time. You are home early.
Your eyes land on him and you immediately wander to him and hug him. He sits up more straight, putting an arm around you. "I will call you back later." he says on the phone and hangs up the call.
You stay quiet holding on to him. "y/n?" he says quietly. "Love, what happened? Why are you so early?"
You don't respond, staying still while your head is laying on his chest, you stare into space. He looks down at you and observes you. Something is wrong.
Your eyes start welling up and you blink a few tears. "heyy" he takes a hold of your face to make you look up at him. "What's wrong, darling? what happened, why are you crying?" he immediately wipes off your tears with his thumb but more tears shed from your eyes.
You look at him with teary eyes and shake your head as you try to find the right word. "I just… I'm not comfortable with parties, harry." you start breaking down as you overthink things. You look down as you try to calm yourself down. He looks at you, concerned.
"relax! relax!" He starts rubbing your arms in a way to calm you down. "Tell me what happened, did anyone say something to you?"
"no, it's just… I'm sorry- I didn't enjoy the party. I was too shy to talk to anyone, too nervous to even just say hello. I just realized that maybe these parties aren't for me, maybe I'm more of a homebody…"
"there's no maybe about it, love. you are a homebody we both know that. there's no need to apologise. Do you know how proud I am of you that you tried leaving your comfort zone and going to that party?" He gives you a smile.
"But I feel like I've ruined everything. Everyone was having fun at the party but I was just the weirdo who sat alone. Everyone must think I'm so strange. I wish I wasn't like this… Most of the people in my college don't want to have anything to do with me because… I'm quiet and weird and now I've embarrassed myself even more by being awkward at the party. No one is ever going to want to be my friend." your throat gets heavy as you let out all these words with so much emotion, and he listens to your every word.
This party had you overthinking this much and it is concerning. Harry just wanted the best for you… he just wanted you to enjoy and help you with such situations.
"don't you think like that ever again, you're not weird or strange. you're just shy and introverted, that's why the party was difficult for you today." he cups your face as he explains to you.
"and this was one of the steps, darling. You don't have to go to any parties now if you don't want to. There are plenty of other ways and you have me, okay? it will get better and we will get through this. Trust me." he says referring to your anxieties.
There is a moment of silence before you open your mouth to say something but unsure, you close it. and again… "Harry,?" you hesitate.
"yeah?" he replies in his soft tone, smiling a bit.
You stutter but speak "do you… ever wish i was different? or wonder what our life would be like if I wasn't so shy?" you search his face and eyes with your teary ones and immediately say, "i mean, i know…that you love me the way i am but are you okay with it? or do you wish I wasn't me?"
His heart breaks after you said that, and it's showing on his face from the way his smile fades away a bit and you look away fearing you asked something really wrong. He feels bad for you to even think if you take it as he's changing you.
he takes your hand in his and places it over his chest, drawing you in closer. "my darling, I'm not trying to change you. I'm just trying to help you be a little bit social and be able to put yourself out there without feeling so anxious. Being shy and introverted isn't a problem, baby. but when that shyness prevents you from talking to someone then it's probably something that you should work on. I wouldn't want to change even a thing about you."
You nod understandingly. He wraps his arms around you and repeats, "I wouldn't want to change a thing 'bout you. Never." He strokes your hair as you hug him back.
You stay like this for a long moment before he speaks again, "Now, how about you change into some comfy clothes and we can prepare our dinner?"
Harry stands in front of the stove, where the sauce is cooking in the pan. you sit on the counter next to the stove, now in your shirt and pajama shorts. You stir the sauce with the spatula as Harry grates the cheese in it. You both decided to make your favorite white sauce pasta.
"Siya was there too…" you speak as soon as it comes to your mind.
"Was she? Did you guys talk?" he asks, glancing at you as he finishes grating enough cheese.
"we did for a few minutes before she left with her friends…" you watch him move over to the sink to wash his hands, but then continue to cook the sauce.
"You could've joined them… she's nice, isn't she?" he looks at you, wiping his hands with the towel.
"she is, but she has her own type of circle… I didn't know if she wanted me to be with them." he sighs, hearing you. "I'm not even funny."
You've always believed that you should be loud enough and funny to blend in parties and get into groups. you feel like you have to be entertaining if you want to fit in.
He walks up to you and stops in front of you. "hmm… I know how funny you are." With that, he gets in between your legs and yanks you forward to him by your leg, so your ankles lock around his waist. The spatula drops in the pan.
You grip onto his shoulder as he leans down to kiss your neck. His hand sneaks inside your tee, squeezing your waist while the other grips your thigh. You tilt your head to the side where he is sucking, as a giggle escapes your lips 'cause it's tickling you.
He pulls away, staring at you with quite a smirk. He leans his face closer to you, lightly brushing his lips against yours as he teases you like that. But your eager self just presses your lips against his, hard. You kiss each other deeply but the hunger grows. His tongue invades your mouth, making you squirm. your fingers in his hair while his grip firm on your waist, trying to keep you still. the grip of fingers tighten around his hair, and you yank them.
"Easy, baby. easy!" he pulls away and breathes out a laugh. Breathing heavily, your body sighs because of the sudden distance, and at the loss of his touch. "Let's save that for later, hm."
He moves to the pan, where the sauce, hopefully, hasn't burnt yet. He stirs it and then grabs a spoon, filling it up with the sauce. blowing on it a bit before bringing it to your mouth, he asks you to taste it.
Later when the pasta was ready, you both shared it together from one plate while watching anything that the tv screen was presenting to you.
Harry just notices how comfortable you really are around him. The little change in body language when you are together. The way you sit with him, and how you eat in his presence. Even the way you speak and tell him stuff. you don't watch your words around him, and yeah he loves you for that.
Harry realises that you are not a completely shy person, just someone who takes her time getting comfortable and being herself around others. yes! He's determined to help you, because he wants you to change but not to the point that you feel like there's something wrong with you. He just wants to work on those antisocial tendencies and anxiety little by little, he just wants you to be able to speak comfortably to others.
I'm surrounded by that voice. it's everywhere. It's there when I'm feeling low or overwhelmed, when I cry it's right next to me just like someone's shoulder to lean on. it's even there when I'm happy and excited. It's like an invisible companion. even on waking up and through the night when I cannot sleep. That voice embraces me and holds me close like a warm hug and a gentle forehead kiss. it gives me hope, it keeps me from diving off the deep end. It tells me that everything's gonna be fine. It soothes me. it's his voice and it's always there for me. ~n (@muserryy)
