#munecanons

Every swing of her axe brought her joy.

Every strike, every drop of blood, every dent she leaves in the ground.

Every trophy harvested from her foes. Horns, claws, tails, feathers, pelts.

Nothing gave her greater happiness than taking down a monster of titanic portions. When the strange crystal she kept seeing in her dreams asked her to go slay beasts on par with gods, she was ecstatic. Her whole life seemed to build to that moment.

She slayed. She did as she was told as long as she got to have her fun fights after.

All she saw was where her axe would go next.

She never asked what she would do when there was nothing left to fight.

“Mumune,” Aster groaned with annoyance, “this isn’t a game.”

Mumune was currently face first in a battle with a towering, dark dragon, one roaring with a raging call for vengeance in draconic tongue. Fire exploded at her feet, singing her bright red hair with black.

Dawn stumbled forward calmly with only the slightest hint of panic, raising her book to release a wave of healing magic that erased the Lalafell’s burns. The fairylike creature by her side gave a gleeful giggle and cheered on with “keep going! What are you, chicken?”

“Lily...” the Miqo’te meekly scolded her. “She’s just going to get more hurt if you encourage her.”

“Like she cares,” Lily pouted, Crossing her arms.

Aster weaved in and out of the fireballs with ease, not a single ember touching the Roegadyn. Beside him was Kaine. She too leapt in and out while firing spells, the flames merely reflecting light off the Au Ra’s pink eyes to make them further flash.

Mumune, ignoring all this, continued to stand in the burning orbs of fire, grinning like a mad woman.

At once she felt herself being lifted into the air, her blackened armor feeling as light as a feather. She could feel the wyrm staring her down with hatred.

“Mumune!” Dawn yelled, masking her worry with frustration. “Take this seriously! This is Niddhogg! And to think she tricked me into coming here saying we were going to the library...”

“How did she convince you she wanted to read again?” asked Kaine, firing off an icy Fleche to chip at the surprisingly solid aura surrounding Mumune.

“She probably pulled out a horrible Bookwyrm pun...” Aster glared at the suspended Warrior. “I swear, every time I underestimate her pettiness....”

Lily stuck her tiny tongue out and charged from Dawn’s side, the Scholar backing off a bit and muttering as healing spells flew off of her hands. The tiny winged creature fluttered up to Mumune, a grin on her face.“You got this girl! Don’t listen to those cowards down below!”

Kaine rolled her eyes. “Cowards? More like ‘I’d rather live to see another day.’”

All these words fell on deaf ears. Mumune could only see the roaring beast in front of her. The fierce boogeyman of stories whispered around Ishgard. They very wyrm even her father feared and warned her not to fight.

She would fight it. She would defeat it. And she would enjoy every minute of it.

“I’ll go!”

Mumune’s hand shot up as Momodi peered down at her from her desk. The other adventurers surrounding her jumped at the loud echo of her shout. “I swear Mumune. You do realize that this Chimera has devoured and slaughtered everyone who’s entered its lair?”

“Yep!” She squeaked in return cheerfully.

“And that the entire cavern is swarming with deadly ants and golems?”

“Uh huh!” She squealed with even more enthusiasm. “...And that the only reward is a bottle of wine?”

“YEAH!” Mumune cheered with a fist pump.

Momodi sighed and shook her head. “What are we going to do with you...”

“If I’m gonna help out House Fortemps, can I get a cool title?”

Mumune looked up at Count Edmont with begging eyes like a Moogle asking for a Kupo Nut.

The aging Elezen shook his head in defeat.

“I suppose... Mumune the Stalwart.”

“Yawn! I want something cooler! Like maybe Mumune the Behemoth Slayer, or Mumune of the Blood-Soaked Axe!” Mumune smirk as she sank back into the velvet-covered chair. The Lalafell in crimson, gold-trimmed armor looked surprisingly fitting in the posh and elegant manor despite her much less formal manner of sitting.

“Fine, fine... Mumune the Crimson. Don’t we have more important matters to discuss?”

“What could be more important than being the coolest and fiercest knight ever?” she groaned with a pout.

“You aren’t a kni-”

“Mumune Mune of the Crimson Axe!” chimed in a cheery voice as a blue-haired Elezen entered the room.

“See? Haurchefant gets it!” she beamed.

Edmont buried his head in his hands.

This was going to be a long few weeks.

“Hey Lizard Lady!” Mumune called out to Kaine as she sat on a bench near the Aetheryte of Limsa Lominsa.

“Please don’t call me that,” she responded with a sigh. “I’m not a lizard. Do I have to tell you twice?”

“Okay, Dragon Lady!” Mumune squeaked with a nod.

“I’m not a dragon either, Mune. I’m an Au Ra.”

“Got it, Miss Ao Dai!” Mumune gave the Xaela a thumbs up.

Kaine shook her head with a groan.

“An Au Ra. A Xaela Au Ra. An Ao Dai is a piece of clothing.”

The Lalafell scrunched her nose in thought.

“Miss Xylophone Aura... Zippy Area... Zilla Ow Yeah...”

“...Just call me Kaine.”

“Okay Lizard Lady!”

  She didn’t remember ending up here.

Last thing she could recall was trying to climb a tall tower made of weird rocks. They reminded her of a game she and her mother used to play. Was this some divine round of board game night? She had to find out. She challenged climbing the thing from the outside and falling. She’d win next time! The rocks wouldn’t know what hit them!

She slammed her head hard on the way down. That she did remember. She should have drowned and yet here she was. She glanced behind her; it appeared to be all water, and yet she was dry and breathing air.

“Ma’am? Are you okay?”

The dazed Lalafell turned to the voice to see a Raen dressed in a red... Kimono, that’s what they had called them. However, what caught Mumune’s attention was the sight behind her.It appeared to be some sort of castle, definitely not like anything she had seen in Eorzea. It reminded her of some of the dollhouses she had seen the Doman refugees in Mor Dhona playing with, decorated in rich reds and golds and curves. Behind it appeared to almost be a wall of ethereal glass.

Was she trapped in some sort of bizarre underwater snow globe? One thing was for sure- if this place was so well hidden, there must be some cool monster to fight inside! Some sort of tentacled thing probably! Maybe with fangs and claws! Maybe some sort of sea bear!

“Hey Science Lady! Here’s the crystals Mr. Funny Hair asked me to bring you!”

Mumune plunked the box down on Dawn’s desk with little care.

However, the Miqo’te herself was nowhere to be found.

“Science Lady? You here?”

“Ah, yes, Mumune! Just the Lalafell I was looking for!” Dawn’s voiced called out, noticeably more chipper than normal.

Mumune turned to see Dawn dancing on her table in a bathing suit, kicking papers and measuring tools around.

“Lily...? How are you Dawn right now?” Mumune recognized her mannerisms as that of Dawn’s spunky fairy companion, and yet was stumped on how she could be Dawn.

“She tried to put me away.” She crosses her arms and pouts. “So I put her away for a bit!”

“Are you sure she’s okay? I know she can be super serious but-”

“Wanna go flying?” Lily interrupted with a smirk. Before the Lalafell could respond, she grabbed her and tossed her out the window of Dawn’s office.

Her adrenaline kicked in, and it was as if time stood still.

All that existed was her and gravity. The rush of the wind in her ears deafened her screams of joy. The world around her was a blur of colors, as if she was travelling to another world.

Thud!

Her tiny body left a crater on the walkway nearby. As she crawled out of the rubble, she laughed and clapped before winding down to softer breaths.

“I have to ask Lily to do that again!” She giggled.

“Ask Lily what?” A grumpy voice from far above her head asked. She craned her neck to see Aster glaring at her. At the Roegadyn’s feet were test tubes and instruments, shattered from Mumune’s crash.

“Oh, uh, well...”

Mumune groaned as she stared at the boulders. Here she thought being an adventurer meant traveling the realm, fighting vicious monsters, and discovering treasure. Lately, however, it felt like “adventurer” was just another name for “errand girl.”

Why did she have to move these rocks anyway? Sure it’d make Costa Del Sol more scenic... That’s what they said, anyway. She was convinced it was just a way to keep less experienced adventurers employed.

She didn’t have time for this when there were monsters to slay! Predators to hunt! Foes to fight!She thought hard. How could she finish this quickly?

And then a grin crept upon her face.

Her body flared up with a red aura, as if some ferocious bear had taken a hold of her. She whirled around, slamming her axe into the ground. The very earth itself cracked, sending the rocks high into the air before they land and splinter into shards.

“All done!”