#multifandom possibilities

I never meant for it to happen. I never expected anything but my goals that day, goals that I lost sight of, goals that ultimately failed because of him. He... He changed things so dramatically, took the breath right from my lungs just by being there, that I was surprised I could still stand. Still surprised.

I thought that I had everything figured out. I may not have been entirely secure with my life, but I had a plan, a basic grasp of who I was, what I was doing, what made me the person that I was. In an instant that was all torn apart. Part of me wanted to be mad about it, to thrash at him and blame him for everything, but it was me who had fallen apart and let my guard down. It was me who had fallen in love. He just stood there and let it happen with his charm and poise, his almost unintentional grace, and that beauty... Dear God, he was a beautiful creature. Could I really be blamed for my weakness? I could so easily weep looking into his eyes, taking in that face of his.

I had never expected for him to show me any attention once I'd fallen prey to him, but he took me into his care and made me believe in myself, gave me chances to do so much more than what I had before, and gave me love. He loved me in his strange way, a way that I'm not sure either of us understood for a long while. Each day I spent in his company, each night I spent in his bed, left me both fulfilled and confused, and ultimately in a strange haze of ambivalence, unsure of just quite what was going on but relishing the contact too much to let my mind process it completely.

And then it lead to that moment, that final, agonizing moment when I knew we'd had our time. He knelt beside me, cradling me as the dull aches of death started to course through me, as everything darkened and blurred and began to slip away from me. It was all too soon, but at long last I understood what our time had meant. He wept that night. He wept for me and struggled for words to say, a goodbye that would explain everything that seemed unsaid.