Having the anxiety that's commonly comorbid with a late diagnosis of a processing condition like autism or ADHD often makes you feel like there's just one more thing that's wrong with you, but here's the thing. I remember reading a post on here that pointed out that that specific kind of anxiety is actually COMPLETELY TOTALLY REASONABLE TO HAVE. And it changed my life.
Yes, I am not supposed to be so anxious that I can't, like, phone my pharmacy's answering machine to ask for a med refill in case they say no, or open a text message that might actually even be good news because it could potentially be disappointing. But no, it is NOT something that has gone wrong in my brain. It is a self-protection method that I have developed after years of being bullied and disregarded and let down and made to feel stupid by other people, because they had no patience to stop and think that maybe my brain works differently from theirs and I might need a little extra patience and context.
For me specifically, I have severe ADHD - a lifelong condition that I didn't know I had both during my primary development years and while I was going through puberty, because it took until I was 20 for people to take me seriously enough when I said "Hey, I was bullied to the point of suicidal ideation before I hit puberty, and in spite of being deemed 'bright' and 'intelligent' and having a high IQ and good in-class test scores and displaying exemplary understanding of course goals during practical work, I nearly dropped out of both high school and my practical-work-heavy college course because the paperwork got too much for me, and I don't think any of that is normal," to recommend me for diagnosis.
I have a lifelong condition that SPECIFICALLY makes it hard to a) complete tasks that don't feel rewarding and b) understand nuances and unwritten rules in social interactions. It is not irrational nervousness. It is completely rational fear that I have subconsciously learned to primarily rely on for emotional protection, the same way our ancestors who survived the pleistocene epoch were the monkeys who climbed a tree every time a sound had the potential to have been made by a tiger. Your brain isn't 'extra broken'. Other people failed you.
