Time for another sporadic update from the graveyard -
Tonight was a very stressful shift for me. I fully expected it to be given the type of event we were doing, although most of the stress ended up coming from an unexpected change in plans. I ended up having to fill in on a position I've never worked before and have zero know how or training on.
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It feels like every day I check Twitter and wonder "is this it? Is this where I finally abandon all the accounts I love to follow and my largest following and quit?"
And I see a post about dogs or something and I stay another day.
If the block function does get removed I am definitely leaving though. That feature exists for a reason (and not just because of app store requirements).
The emptiness here reminds me of when I first started the blog/channel a few years ago. Every new follow felt like a little miracle. I mean honestly, it still feels like that to be honest lol. I am grateful for everyone who actually cares about my content.
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I finally re-recorded most of that video I've been meaning to do today before work. It's been so hot lately that it was difficult to find a time to sit down without the fan running long enough to record. There's still some snippets to do, but my time today ran short.
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We found an old piece of a squeaker from one of Levi's toys today. It must have been wedged under the sofa or something. I guess he's still managing to surprise us from time to time, even almost a year after his passing. It doesnβt feel like it's really been that long, though. I feel like I've been on hiatus for maybe a couple months. And I still sometimes wake up expecting to roll over and see him next to me.
And it's moments like that where I'm grateful to feel the weight of Mia against my legs - to hear her little "mrr" as I accidentally rouse her.
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I've been making some progress on myself lately. It's not something I necessarily am ready to talk about yet because it would require quite a bit of vulnerability on my part. But I'm sure in time I will share about it. What I will say is change is a slow, gradual process. My brain struggles with positive thinking, but I really am trying to allow myself to take pride in the small steps I take towards my larger goals.
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My notebook has a page in it filled with ideas for potential future Fictional Cult Breakdowns. I just need to find my groove again.
If this upcoming video doesn't destroy me. Because I am not just speaking about her anymore. There's another person who needs to be addressed. And that person has a following that could ruin me.
But some things need to be said.
