#mugiyuu

HERE YOU GO, LOVELY HUMAN:

(i said i’d post this ‘soon’, i’m sorry, i lied)

i’m sorry it’s actually shit

muzan/giyuu ship headcanons (read at your own risk)

(for my own continued mental health it’s the modern!au)

no one knows exactly how this happened.

quite frankly, neither did they.

(or i. )

they’re one of those couples that insult the other all the time and the others think it’s some form of flirting, no, muzan really did just call giyuu a salt-licking three eyed bastard with the full intent of informing giyuu that he was indeed a salt-licking three eyed bastard.

giyuu sometimes visits muzan at his office if only to insult the other whilst muzan’s subordinates watch on in abject horror.

“you forgot your lunch today. why can’t a grown man remember his own lunch? are you stupid?”

muzan always forgets his lunch ‘on accident’ but if you tell him it’s so he can see giyuu during his break he’ll probably gut you.

if it’s been an extremely stressful day, muzan will wear his finest silk kimono and giyuu will do his makeup and hair

they met when giyuu spilt his cup of coffee all over muzan’s expensive suit when he was a college student and in a panic induced haze told muzan that “now your suit matches my soul” and promptly booked it out of there

he left his bag behind, however, so a week later muzan bursts into his lecture and breaks giyuu’s laptop with how hard he had swung the missing bag down on top of it.

muzan buys giyuu a new laptop. and a new bag. then he buys giyuu’s textbooks for him, and pays giyuu’s tuition all the while giyuu kind of stands off the side like “who is this bitch”

rumours spread around the school of giyuu having a sugar daddy, to the point where someone (probably uzui, lets be honest) has told his father and now urokodaki cries every time muzan visits, which is surprisingly often, and all they do is drink tea, be passive aggressive and bitch about how stupid giyuu is together.

anyways muzan takes giyuu out on dates, but they’re not really dates, just aggressive hanging out.

once muzan took giyuu to the opera because he knew giyuu hated the opera but instantly regretted it as the performance was four hours long and he, too, hated the opera.

giyuu took muzan to mcdonald’s.

they’re now banned.

they kissed on the second date - both slightly singed, slightly glittery and very very tired.

muzan initiated it. and giyuu just kind of. flailed.

muzan called him an idiot and pushed him into a pond.

when they’re tired their voices drop to exactly the same pitch and it’s hard to tell who is talking, it’s like listening to a mirror

all of their friends hate each other lol

last time they all attempted to hang out together shinobu pushed douma out of a third storey window “on accident”.

he was fine. they thought. no one’s really checked.

muzan loooooooooooves giyuu’s smile. he hates not being the reason that giyuu is smiling. this man’s smiles give him the will to keep out of jail on mass murder charges.