Yk, I was feeling guilty about having distanced myself from Muffins before she passed, but instead of doing that, I realized; I'm proud of myself. I'm proud of myself for not allowing the guilt/social obligations of it all prevent me from taking care of myself. I'm proud of myself for realizing that agonizing over her, attempting to coddle her, and/or spending more time with her would have made me inconsolable, and worse; completely nonfunctional.
I'm sure it some sort of system shenanigans that are also helping this along, but even if it is it makes me even more proud, and especially thankful for my system.
This is the first big grief we've experienced since discovery, and knowing that my system is doing its job, actually helping- actually feeling like it's helping me- is a new and wonderful feeling, a good enough feeling that instead of being torn up and depressed about her passing, I can instead be thankful and happy that I got to spend so long with her.
