#mspac-man

This is what I get. Really, I know that I’m at least partially to blame for this. I was joking recently, at the first day of recording for my upcoming podcast (ooh, aah), that since Battleship had been “such a hit”, maybe we could expect other games from our childhood to make it onto the big screen. Perhaps, I joked, the next big sitcom would be a show based on The Oregon Trail. What I didn’t anticipate was that a week later, ex-WWE wrestler and generally awesome guy, Dwayne “The Rock” Johnson, would be announced as portraying a role in an upcoming film based on Midway’s classic arcade game, “Rampage”. And this got me to thinking - why stop there? Why not re-imagine all of our favorite arcade cabinets as awesome movies? Here are some I came up with.

Pac-Man

When single father Peter McCoy (Tim Allen) accidentally knocks Pac-Man off the roof and kills him, he finds himself contractually bound to continue Pac-Man’s legacy - whether he wants to or not. Caught in a web of eating dots and being chased by ghosts, can Peter convince his family and loved ones that he’s not crazy? Or will Christmas be ruined? Directed by Jeannot Szwarc.

Tapper

When South Boston resident Shaughnessy O’Connor (Mark Wahlberg) finds his family’s pub falling in the red, he’ll do almost anything to save it. When he learns of a championship to pull pints and serve rowdy customers, whose grand prize is $100,000, he’ll put everything on the line. Will Shaughnessy be able to impress championship judge Paddy O’Flannery (Denis Leary), or will he lose out to his childhood rival, Seamus O’Riley (Seth MacFarlane)? Directed by Seth MacFarlane.

Dig-Dug

When Doug (Simon Pegg), a charming, lovable clerk at a local bike shop, is attacked by a mysterious red creature, the only thing that saves his life is his beloved tire pump. When Doug discovers a cavern full of these little red menaces under his bike shop, he and his trusty pump are the only thing that stand between our world and the Pooka menace. Will Doug be able to defeat the lurking, scaly Fygar (voiced by Nick Frost), or will the world be consumed in his dragonsbreath flames? Directed by Edgar Wright.

Sinistar

When alien ships are detected gathering in the nearby Andromeda galaxy, Earth’s leaders wave off the threat of invasion. But, when NASA experts discover that the aliens are building a potentially indestructible sentient super-weapon, Earth will call together its greatest heroes. Starring Chris Pratt, Chris Hemsworth, Chris Evans, Chris Pine, and Jeff Bridges, as the voice of Sinistar.** Directed by Michael Bay.

Joust

In a world where future leadership is decided through machismo-laden feats of strength and daring, and huge flying ostriches and vultures are apparently acceptable battle mounts - the world’s greatest heroes will have to take to the skies to win rule over the land. Starring Clive Owen, Freddie Highmore, and Bradley James. Directed by Peter Jackson. 

Ms. Pac-Man

Peter McCoy (Tim Allen) has settled comfortably into his duties as Pac-Man. However, when his dev team creates legal team discovers fine print in his contract, that demands he find a bride before May 21st, he’ll chase dots, ghosts, and yes, eligible ladies to find his perfect Ms. Pac-Man (Elizabeth Mitchell). Directed by Michael Lembeck.

Bonus Film: Pac-Man 3D

Peter McCoy (Tim Allen) will face his greatest threat yet - 3D gaming! - when confronted by his less awesome, 3D self (Martin Short). Can Peter keep his family happy, and stop the hostile 3D take over? Probably not. Directed by Michael Lembeck.

Bonus Film 2: Tron  

A computer hacker (Jeff Bridges) is abducted into the digital world and forced to participate in gladiatorial games where his only chance of escape is with the help of a heroic security program. Directed by  Steven Lisberger.