#mreadingbot

As we go through life we gradually discover who we are, but the more we discover, the more we lose ourselves.

all sorts of sounds mixed together into a sharp, terrible static deep within his ears, the kind of noise that could only be perceived in the deepest possible silence . not something you can hear without, but a silence generated from your own internal organs. everyone has their own special sound they live with, though they special have the chance to find it.

today i’m going to talk about growing pains. as much as toxic and loving and complicated my relationship with my parents is, there are times when i can’t stop thinking about how one day you’re just supposed to live your own life with your person, with your kids, with your pets and more. i’m very excited about it. but i’m also wondering if it’s cruel or is it part of being parents that they saw us and were with us through our growing. they saw us mould into this personality and a human being of our own. and now when the time will be fragile and frail for them you’re supposed to do your own thing. Like i’m constantly split open between living my own life and devote my life and pay back to them. like i could be in another city and they can just die or stop existing or something around the edges of it. and i’ll have to be Okay. that’s fine too, because it’s a part and parcel and there’s nothing you can do about it. and i’m also aware of how you cannot dwell into the fear because then you will be fearing for something unknown and unexpected every minute of everyday and there’s no way of living, is it? so you just have sit back and watch things fall apart while surviving and healing and getting traumatised and getting excited and falling in love with life as it goes and accept whatever it throws at you. and i think it’s cruel that you can’t and won’t be able to provide them whatever you want all the time. because we have to make the best of the situation but it’s still cruel and bizarre. people get creeped out and weirded out by situations and facts and controversies and yet i wonder how most of them are oblivious to the fact that the weirdest thing we all experience is life. nothing extraordinary just everyday mundane life. falling apart and getting back together right in front of our eyes as we play our part and laugh and cry and move on. move on and move on some more until we don’t anymore.