#movingtony

I have to be at work by 7 am but I am aimlessly wandering from blog to blog right now. I should try to go back to sleep, but my dreams are keeping me up. Can't stop seeing my future. It's right there. In plain sight, well, I can see it. I just wish I could only see that. I don't wanna see the past anymore. I wanna forget it. Maybe I'm not smoking enough. I genuinely want to transfer my memory from my mind to my hard drive, that way if I need to summon anything from there, it's at my disposal. If only, if only...

Nine days left until I move to New York. That's all I feel like saying because that in itself is descriptive already.

Two days shy of having two weeks left in Delaware. Can't say I am anything else but numb. Numb to the pain, excitement, anxiousness. I'm numb to the happy thoughts of leaving, I'm numb to the fact that I won't be around my sisters anymore, I'm numb to the potential of what could become of me once I am in New York. All I feel is nothing. But I'm 21 now so I can buy a bottle of "something" and make me feel more numb if I want.

I am 21 today!

I’ve got exactly one day shy of a month before my move to New York. It’s funny because I can honestly say I am still not emotional over the fact that ’ potentially, I could be homeless, food less, even jobless: I’m numb. I just know I’m doing it. I have insecurities but they haven’t jilted, or swayed my decision to go. I think it’s the thought of what could be that is keeping me motivated. There is potential to fail, sure; I’m about to turn 21 and make one of the biggest leaps of my life. Am I ready? That’s to be determined. I feel it tho. It’s the kinetic energy sitting in my soul that will eventually produce the potential within me to make my dreams come true. It’s all up to me, all determined by me. That’s a satisfying feeling within itself and as far as I’m concerned i am already halfway there.

i am currently lost in limbo with my move to new york. i can’t even tell you how many days i have left off the top of my head because, well, i just don’t feel like doing the math. to be quite honest, i am seemingly lost and confused and everything in between. i am moving to a new place to better myself and have no other plan but to succeed. a lot of things are up in the air right now and it’s scary as shit and i feel like time is ticking and i still have no escape plan but to, well, escape. it’s hard to even describe how i even feel. there’s a numbness that has recently come over me, it’s almost eerie. It’s the calmest I have remained in a time like this. Is this the sign of the universe working with me and letting me know that even though there is a storm coming, i am going to be able to weather it? or is the universe working against me (per usual) and letting me know that maybe the only stable wrench that i had in this plan of mine is not going to work out because i don’t need to be moving to new york. I feel like i need to listen to channel orange, or something. Yeah, frank ocean’s music will help me find a roof over my head and a job to keep me fed right?

stress is the devil......

Releasing these weights off my shoulders with more and more ease these days. Feels good to let go of all the insecurities that have been surrounding you for the last million years of your life, lol. I can count on one hand all the times I have, with the utmost sincerity, not given a fuck, and with me moving to New York this coming spring makes... #3? Taking things day by day and hoping things go well for me in the big city, but I plan on making the good things happening on my own. ---------------------------------------------- REMINDER : I will be moving to New York on april 19th, and I want to work and meet new friends so let's connect! I am an aspiring actress and screenwriter, but am an all around renaissance gal so hit the kid up, let's work!