Five years away, and five years back. Full circle. June 19th.Ā
I didnāt get round to writing reflections for Years 3 and 4ālife was just too much to even sit down and write about. For Year 5 though, Iāve been counting down to this day for the past week or so, reminding myself not to miss it, to make time to think, to examine, to articulate. It just seemed like an appropriate, poetic juncture to do a little personal stock-taking.Ā
Have these past five years erased the previous five?
Have I progressed or regressed?
Am I doing more for my community/industry/society, or less?
I have to admit that these questions are less dear to my heart than they used to be. Some of the sharpness of my idealism has simply been sanded away by the constant grind of mundane realities. I canāt wake up every morning excited about what I have to do. I canāt take up everything worthwhile that comes to my attention. I canāt fill every waking minute with productive actions and happy thoughts. I canāt fight every battle. I canāt win over every person. These are all unrealistic; they are essentially expectations for the kind of perfect, textbook conditions that just arenāt possible in our broken world.Ā
Sometimes, we just have to deal. Somedaysāor even some months, yearsāweāve just got to play tennis with our problems, keep swinging and hitting back until theyāre out of our courts. No time to over-think it, no excess energy to spend on being upset. Working hard is always going to involve some level of discomfort, no?
So these five years did not turn out the way I expected. Thatās okay! The stretching has made me more pragmatic, more resilient, and more deeply connected with my support network here, family, church and friends. This is part and parcel of being equipped to do more. This is progress.Ā