Freak Like Me // Todd Tolensky x Reader.
He knew what he was.
Todd had always known what he was.
After all, there was no way to ignore it when you looked like him, all green skinned and floppy boned and yellowed-eyed and all that.
Freak.
It had been screamed towards him enough times for it to be tattooed on his brain at this point, the word echoing out in his memory anytime he caught even the smallest glimpse of his reflection. Freak, freak, freak!! Or maybe weirdo or loser, maybe even pathetic! Pathetic little monster!! Yeah, he’d heard it all at this point in his life.
And he tried to just laugh about it.
The self-deprecating jokes and sad little stories told only in jest...Todd had been laughing at his own pain for years and years in order to mask the hurt and, sometimes, people laughed with him.
‘Cept for you.
You never laughed at that stuff. At first, Todd thought that you just didn’t like him and, well, he wasn't surprised at the thought of it. ‘Cause you were just so damn pretty and pretty people never liked freaks him...they looked down at him, laughed at him instead of with him, mocked him, crossed the street when they saw him hoppin’ their way, yeah, but liked him? Nah! Todd was so sure that you hated him a little bit, just like everyone else. But over time, he started thinking otherwise.
‘Cause sometimes you laughed.
When he poked fun at Peitro or pulled pranks with Fred, you would giggle at the antics. When he told one of his genuinely funny tales, you would laugh as much as the others.
And you talked to him a lot, asked him questions.
About what he was working on (and he liked talking about his mechanic work, no one ever asked about it), what his life had been like, what book he was reading right then. You always seemed to seek him out and ask him something...he spent days and days just waiting for the other shoe to drop, waiting for you to ask him for something. But you never did.
Most of the time, when people were nice to him, they just wanted something...but all you seemed to want was to talk for a while.
You even sat next to him.
Most people wouldn’t really get too close to Todd, making some quip about his smell or something like that. But never once did you complain, always taking a place at his side on long rides to some mission or crammed in some tiny booth in a dumpy diner somewhere off on the highway, always talking to him about, well, whatever. He didn’t always care much about what you were talking about (though he held onto anything he managed to learn about you and any little compliment you sent his way, clutching onto it for all his life was worth), Todd cherished the moment. The warmth of your body so close to his, the sound of your voice, your presence was what he really loved.
Todd just couldn’t seem to figure you out! And the more he tried, the more he thought about you...the more he liked you.
Loved you.
Fuck that!
He’d liked, even loved, people before, that never turned out well for him. Rejection was a bitter taste on his tongue that he would never forget and how could he? Closing his eyes, he could see those pretty faces twisting into expressions of disgust, hear that cruel laughter ringing through the air, the answer was always the same, always no way, no how, no chance on earth!
Freak!
Loving you so much was a bittersweet thing.
A touch of sugar on his tongue when you leaned so close to him (did you know how good you smelled? Did you know that the brush of your hair on his cheek made his heart race?) or smiled at him (how come your smile was so pretty?) or complimented him (his work as a mechanic, his skills on the field, a particularly good quip). His heart would beat, beat, beat so happily, so wildly! Todd would be smiling all day because of you, lost in honey-sweet dreams until the second that it came to him. Bitterness. It soured his dreams, morphing them into a heart-wrenching nightmare.
Disgust, laughter, cruelty, rejection!
He could see you laughing at him, sneering down at the toad as his heart broke into a million pieces once again.
Freak!
So he tried to ignore it. Tried to ignore you. Maybe if he swallowed those feelings they’d melt away bit by little bit. Maybe feeling nothing was better then feeling something. Safer. So he began avoiding you, bolting away at the slightest hint of your presence...he even ran off a few times, staying away for a couple of days before crawling back as always. But you always seemed to find him, seeking Todd out no matter where he had hidden himself from you. It made his heart race and break all at the same time when you asked him to come back, to come home.
Just like right now.
The rain was soft, that kind of light drizzle that had sunlight spilling through it. Sitting on the ledge of some long-abandoned building (he wondered what it had once been, who had once filled it), Todd let the cold drops fall over his green skin, relishing in the feeling of it.
And then you found him.
He heard the falls of your footsteps as you wandered through the streets, your voice echoing through the chilled air as you called out for him.
“Todd!”
And there he was.
Looking up at him, Todd fought the urge to fall into your arms...but it was getting harder to fight, wasn’t it? The more he knew you, the more he loved you and the more he ran from it, the harder it felt to him. Yellow eyes flickered towards you, giving him the sight of your pretty eyes, so filled with worry.
“Todd, come on home.”
“Why?” He spat.
“Fred misses you and I-”
“Why are you doin’ this to me?!”
Leaping away from his perch, Todd landed in front of you with a heavy thud upon the earth. Dirt flew up around him and settled slowly, his eyes flashing from warm yellow to a blazing red as he surged forward.
“It ain’t fair!” Todd spoke, almost snarling then speaking really. “Mockin’ me like this, givin’ me a taste of something...something I know I ain’t ever gonna get! Makin’ me think, even for a split second, that somebody could love me...ha! I mean, look at me! LOOK AT ME!”
He was ranting and raving now, hands gesturing wildly as words fell from his lips in a torrent of pent-up emotions. Pacing around, Todd kept catching glimpse of you and, oh, he both adored and despised it! Turning away, his voice weakened to no more then a wavering whisper, so quiet you almost couldn’t hear him.
“How can anybody love somethin’ like me?”
“How can anybody not?”
He stopped.
Stopped speaking, stopped moving, almost stopped breathing. With his back turned towards you, Todd couldn’t see what you were doing. But he could hear you moving closer, coming forward...he felt you take his hand and he winced, ashamed of your pretty skin touching his but, oh, it felt so good! Fingers curled around your own and he savored this, holding on to this sweet little piece of you as tightly as he could.
“I know you’ve been hurt.” You whispered. “You laugh about it a lot but...I see the pain. The sadness. I’ve seen it, I’ve felt it too. So I know that maybe you don’t love yourself but, Todd...I love you.”
“How?” He rasped, turning to meet your eyes.
He was crying now, something he was embarrassed to do in front of anyone (but especially you), but right now he didn’t care. The tears fell freely, mixing with the raindrops that still rolled down his face. You were holding him, soft hands brushing against sickly-pale skin so sweetly.
“How can ya love a freak like me?”
“You are NOT a freak,” you insisted. “You are funny and smart and kind. You are Todd Tolensky and I love you.
And then you were kissing him and, for a second, he was stunned.
Nobody had ever really kissed him.
Not knowingly. Not willingly.
But somehow here you were, seeing him for all that he was and...kissing him the way he’d always wanted. And then he was kissing you back, hands wrapping around your waist and holding you so tight he thought you might break into pieces. He had dreamed of this. When he was laying alone in bed or sneaking glances at your lips, Todd had thought about kissing you. What it would feel like, taste like, oh, how perfect it would be! That had been just a dream...but this was real.
You.
Him.
It was better then all of his midnight fantasies put together, sweeter then anything he’d ever felt...and all without a hint of bitter between your lips. Breaking the kiss for a moment, Todd found himself hungering for more. But you didn’t go far, lips just barely ghosting over his own as you whispered to him,
“Todd...come home with me.”
“Okay.” He whispered. “Okay.”
And he would. But right now, he just wanted to kiss you and hold you a little bit longer. And to his delight, you wanted it just as much, kissing him as deeply and as sweetly as he kissed you.
Maybe, he considered, maybe everything was going to be okay.
As long as everything was with you.
