#mortal enemy

She is the only other person in the school obsessed with rubber ducks.

I have never met her.

You still owe me. I forgot how much honestly, or if you forgot the amount..but maybe enough for a Coke and some Funyuns will do.

You know where to find me to pay up. Maybe I should put up a post-it note somewhere in the parlor.

I still remember those bucks though. I still have no idea how you managed to even conjure them up with your ghost magic or whatever but uhhh..it was funny! I do admit, quite funny. Hm hm!

-your mortal enemy?

you. yes you. this is your boss speaking. 

• get your rest. dark bags under the eyes are only to be drawn on with eye pencils, not to be acquired by lack of rest. you don’t want to be too tired to properly banter with your rival! 

• drink enough water. i don’t care if the raspy voice is part of your aesthetic. if you have a headache, you can’t focus, and then your enemy will win. 

• eat at least three square meals a day. or two, with snacktime positioned appropriately in between. this is fuel for your spite. 

• plan your attacks. I cannot say this enough. take the time every week to plan out when you will make your next move. preparation is key for success. I personally recommend turning off all the lights in your secret lair except for one, and planning in the dark, with the moon shining against your window, or planning while sitting across from your nemesis. 

• have your theme song always at the ready. enter every room with that song in your mind. use it to command the room. 

• wear what gives you confidence. walk with confidence, swagger, and pride. if the world does not like what you wear, even better! you have proved your greatness over them once more. 

• take care of yourself. selfishness is an evil trait, is it not? use it to your advantage. do what you love. hating everything is not a villainous trait; it is toxic. we do not accept toxicity as villains. we fight it. 

• be kind. i am not saying be good, or become the sniveling hero (god forbid). this is different than being good. good is a foolish word, used to describe the side we put in the history books. we are not good. we are kind and we are merciful because our grievances do not lie with everyday citizens. they lie only with the world and with its injustices. this is what we fight to change. we fight with strong voices and strong actions. we do not stoop so low as to be rude.