#moreseries

It’s not that I don’t like change.  It’s that I like to make the changes myself.  I like control.  I don’t do well when things happen outside of my plans. 

But I stood up.  When he asked who wants to be prayed over as they put their life in the hands of Jesus, I stood up, alone in the back of the room with my hands open.  It was mostly moms, dads, leaders of the church, or people deciding for the first time that Jesus was theirs that stood with me.  I’m not any of the above.  It was just a moment of honesty in brokenness.  I could hand over more. 

I have been let down.  After I put in passion and hard work, for lack of a better word, people flaked on me.  The music that I wrote, that I had picked the musicians for, that was promised to me, won’t be recorded.  At least, not the way I thought.  When I came to that realization, I felt everything had gone to waste.  I was taking a year off of school and depending on someone’s word.  It got to the point where I put my stake in the ground; we had talked about an EP, I had named the thing and a timeline was in place.  I’m still confused about where it fell apart. 

That’s not the point.  But it sets the stage for what I was feeling that morning.  I walked into church praying for perspective and hope.  I was fearful of the future.  I felt like I had made a mistake.  My life felt like that moment of walking with purpose, but twisting your ankle halfway to where you’re going, and not being able to play it off.

Our pastor started a series that Sunday about why the future might just be better than we think.  Outside of our scarcity everything-is-doomed mentality, good things are happening.  Jesus not only blesses us, but He uses us to bless others. It was like nourishment when I was starving, to hear that there were still unfailing plans of abundance for my life. 

I was taught by an important man to not live in fear of things that were going wrong, but to always be happy about things going right.  

New plan.

In the spring, I’ll resume my classes at State.  I loved taking classes at State and I’m happy to be going back.  I’ll be chasing after the passion that Jesus has put on my heart to bring life to people in some of the darkest situations.  In the last several years, He has blessed me with the opportunity to walk with those fighting depression, with a girl my own age through an unplanned pregnancy, with people who bring clean water to those that have never tasted it.  If you know me, you know I love the organization charity:water.  I have been called, and take pride in, the name “crazy water girl.”  I believe that people matter.  I love showing them that truth.  I have always been drawn to nonprofits.  I’m at peace with my decision, and I wasn’t always.  With revived motivation, I can’t wait to pursue this dream. 

Next fall, I’ll be moving into the city!  I can’t wait to not just hangout downtown, go to church downtown, and learn downtown, but to call it my neighborhood.  I can’t wait to serve the people of Atlanta and to plant my roots in the community I love. 

I still plan on making music, in fact, more regularly and on my own terms.  There are exciting things to come, and I’ll be sharing them with all my friends along the way, but getting there is going to take some time and a lot of work.  Music is not going to be my number one priority or a career path.  I never really wanted it to be.  I just want to write things that mean a lot to someone and sing about what is worthy of song.  Someday I want to be able to tell my kids, “look at the beautiful things I created.  Nothing stopped me.”  Music has always made me feel free, so I’m excited for when I can launch this next project.  It’ll be more fun for all of us.

Passion City has opened doors for me.  I’m thankful for friendships, community, direction, vision, and growth.  I’m also thankful for a new mindset and rearranged priorities.  It’s one thing to have doors opened.  It’s another to learn to praise God in the hallway.