#morecapable

         ‘ can’t say i’m familiar, ’ he says, then spins a few degrees in his seat to offer an encouraging smile. ‘ why not hum it? ’

        maybe yaz is right. maybe it isn’t about what they could do, because anyone can get through anything, given enough time and enough will, even those things that seem so impossibly dark that you can’t see how light will ever get in again, but that doesn’t mean they want to. doesn’t mean they should have to, either. and they’re doing so much, out here. so much good. ryan feels more, now, than he ever has done before. it’s hard, sometimes, and bloody awful, but...he loves it. he loves what it’s given him. 

        how does anyone meet the doctor, and then go back to before like it never happened?

      They’re back inside the TARDIS again, safe and sound, and the Doctor moves immediately to lean both hands on the console, staring down at the controls and allowing her ever-hopeful grin to lapse while her back is turned. A Dalek was inside my ship. She swears the room still smells of it, enough to turn her stomach. 

        She closes her eyes. Inhale. Exhale. Never again. 

       “Now that’s sorted. Where to next, Doc?” Graham’s coming up on her left. The Doctor fixes a smile back on her face before turning. “Someplace nice? These bones could really use a rest.” He offers an air of good humor which the Doctor easily reflects like the professional faker she is. 

       “Quite right, you! I know just the place.” Instead of reaching for the controls, the Doctor turns on her heel and makes for the hallway. “Only need a moment to check which century it’s in. Been a while since I went there.” She has no place in mind except her library. It’s easier to disappear than to explain the tremor in her hands, and it’s a room that hasn’t been tainted by her oldest and most hated enemy. 

( OLD MEMES / @withothers )

        ryan can’t stop laughing. his stomach hurts, actually, but he reckons it’s okay. sometimes they go places and it’s all just bad, people are hurt and there’s not all that much they can do to help. it’s hard to deal with, and sometimes he thinks the misery and the darkness that is out there is just a bit too much. but then they go to a planet that seems like a holiday, they see people being happy and it’s a reminder. yeah, there’s good out there. good people, good fun. ryan has never felt more useful than when they’re facing danger and saving people --- and he’s spent his whole life feeling like a waste of space --- but it’s good to decompress, too. he’s not sure they’d be able to deal with it all, otherwise.

        and he’s doing it with his best mates. what could be more fun than that?

        had she had the choice, clara would have stayed with the doctor forever. that was the life she wanted, and nothing could have torn her away from it. nothing except death. and the scary thing is, yasmin’s right. clara didn’t choose to leave --- how could she, when being with the doctor was everything, when she still has that thirst for adventure, but it’s a lot harder to quench without her best friend at her side? --- but it was her fault. 

        she looks at yaz now...and it’s like looking in a mirror. and clara’s never going to tell someone not to travel with the doctor, not when it gave her the best years of her life, not when she’d do it again tomorrow, but it does scare her. it took a lot from her.

        it took everything. it took her life.