Hello I need to rant to nobody so here we go
Diagnosed with cystic fibrosis pre birth. Living a healthy normal life for 24 years. No medication. No breathing assistance. Just a yearly checkup to give them the “yeah I’m all fine”. No one’s really sure why I’m so healthy. Beginning of 2022 I get a chest infection, a real bad one, I struggle to breathe, getting out of breath really really easy, I contact my cf team and I’m admitted into hospital over my chest for the first time. Lots of tests later, it’s just a common cold and I now have asthma. I now have a persistent cough, on meds, extra meds when I get a cold because it turns straight into the fucking flu. Inhalers, regular hospital checks. Regular steroids that I KNOW are going to fuck me up in the long run. Hospital admissions. Work have to now work around my illness. I’m searching and trying cures for my asthma. I quit smoking and vaping. Nothing helps. Steroids make me better for a week before I struggle to breathe again. I can’t accept I’m ill. It makes me cry and I get so emotional over my new state. I go non verbal with temperature changes. I can’t stand the sympathy. I hate the “aww you okay?” When I cough. No im not okay and I doubt I will be again. “Mummy’s ill” mummy’s ill when she hears those fucking words. “You need to claim disability” no I’m not disabled. Stop telling me that. I don’t know what to do with myself. Do I seriously have to accept this is me now? I just cough all the fucking time. I wheeze all the fucking time. I can’t breathe properly. No im not contagious.
I go to a gig, I’m in the pits, I can’t breathe properly. I can’t even get the anger out cause I can’t move how I want to. So I stand there seething. I get home and now I’m coughing blood.
Great.
