a decade ago, i was vulnerable and being fed a lot with negative energy to the point when i had this belief that i wouldn't make it past age 20.
can a time traveler say to her that is completely not true? because i miss her. truly.
when you think about it, there is a big difference between (then) you & (now) you.
if you didn't change for the good, will you remain the same or progressively worse?
the idea of change is scary yet intriguing. but i did it anyways.
i did have a lot of (in real life) phases. at one point i tried recreating food from restaurants i eat at, at another point i was writing songs.
emotionally, my body seemed like it was in danger nearly every time my anxiety was triggered. and hyperventilating was worse. it felt i was running for miles when in fact, i just stood there the whole time it happened. a friend had to hold me up when i was having a major anxiety attack during our work shift together.
โฆ i left eventually because things weren't gonna change despite the amount of episodes i've had working there. Enough is enough.
my social circle has inevitably shrunk because my people pleasing tendencies have worn off (!!! a big improvement tho).
what really helped me a lot is that i now walk away from toxic environments, whether it's family relatives or friendships or financial agents.
because less conversation with them means less drama. simple as that.
romanticallyโฆ it's non-existent lol i am too focused on myself ๐ (i have trust issues bruh)
my music taste has definitely evolved where i include songs that has situations where it's a โจcharacter developmentโจ
i'm 27 now and now i know why you'd have to lose something to gain something. it's a bit sentimental saying this but really,
i am grateful to be alive today.
