#monthygoals

January Reflection:

wow. this month flew. I had expected to drop at least 5lbs, but thats not what happened and if I'm being honest, I know why. I struggle with the weekends a lot because I'm left alone to my thoughts and insecurities, and its easy, too easy, for them to get the best of me. These weekend binges have been inhibiting my ability to lose weight, and stay consistent. 

February Goals:

1) I'm not going to give myself a number, but my goal is to weigh less than I started this month. I'm going to go by my weigh in on wednesday, so we'll see what that number is.

2) continue to practice mindful eating. Its helped me avoid quite a few binges this month, but it also just keeps me on track for extra snacking, which can add up over the course of a week.

3) find a way to exercise at least 4 times a week. I've been averaging 3-4 and I really want to make it a solid 4.

2014:

I don't know if this was the best, or the worst year. It was the year I finally figured out, and accepted that I have problems with disordered eating, and that is the biggest thing holding me back. That realization has lead to triumphs, complete breakdowns, but most importantly, starting to change my perspective on things. 

This year was hard and it was lonely but it challenged me and pushed me and I think it nudged me just enough so that I'm pointing in the right direction as 2015 begins. I am not going to miss this year at all, but I don't regret it for a second.

I'm leaving this year at 202lbs, but more importantly, healthier in mind and in body than I entered it. 

2015:

I can't set hugely specific goals for myself, that really is just setting myself up to fail and that isn't the mindset I want to have going into this new year. 

1) This is the ONLY specific goal I have. I have wanted so badly to see 180 on the scale. Its the weight I graduated highschool at, and it was the last time I felt like ME. This year, I want to see 180. 

2) find ways to meet new people. I want to explore different activities and hobbies that will allow me to connect and meet with other people in this city. I shouldn't have to nor do I want to rely on romantic relationships for company and friendship. This year, I want to make new friends. 

3) I want to grow my confidence. I want to be able to do something hard and feel a sense of pride that MY body did that, I did that, and that I'm strong, and capable. This year, I want to fall in love with my body. 

4) My last goal is a little more specific to my eating habits. One thing I don't think I've ever done is listen to my body when I eat. I'm not mindful of when I feel full, I go more by how much of my plate has been cleared, or how many pieces of something i've eaten. This year, I want to practice mindful eating. 

For the love of all that is holy, dear god, I want to see 189. That is 4lbs. jebus. I need it. so bad. 

Weigh in Wednesday is happening

Track food on mfp 6 days a week min

Improve how long I can jog for without stoppin

Really, I did good this month, and I just want to continue the streak. My big goal is seeing the 180s, thats by far the most important. 

I’m SO excited for february, here are my goals:

With the exception of valentines day dinner with the boy, I will not be drinking. No beer, no wine, no fireball. I told my boyfriend I wanted his support, but that he doesn’t have to stop. We usually always get a beer with our meal when we go out, but I really want to commit this month to getting out of the 190s.  I DID IT! I drank on valentines day and thats. it. Don't worry, I've already had my celebratory, happy march 1st beer

Get out of the 190s. I’m sick of them.Nope. But, read on, it gets good.

I will be weighing myself tomorrow morning, and I will not be stepping on the scale again until March 1st.  So okay,  I weighed myself twice after this, but not in the last two weeks!

I want to just talk about the scale for a minute. I have a terrible relationship with it. I weigh myself neurotically which, is stupid, because I KNOW that even within a day my weight can fluctuate 3lbs. Yet still, when I see a number I’m not happy with, I want to punish myself and just not eat, or I binge and give up.As much as I’d love to be in the 180’s by march 1st, really, as long as the number is smaller then than it is tomorrow, its going in the right direction.  

Here’s to health, here’s to loving myself, here’s to getting stronger, here’s to you february. 

January Revisited:

Realization:

I have realized that when I have control over some parts of my life. other things follow. This primarily falls in line with binging. When I am exercising and happy, I feel no need to binge. When I’m depressed, haven’t exercised and feel unmotivated, I feel powerless to it. 

Goal:

To find a way, until I move, to MAKE pieces fall into line to prevent this binge disordered eating.

January was an incredible month for me. I joined a gym again, found my self control, regained my motivation and am beginning to get myself on the right path again.

I'm not crossing my january goal out because while i am starting to find a way, it is a process, not a "thing" one just "finishes"

I'm SO excited for february, here are my goals:

With the exception of valentines day dinner with the boy, I will not be drinking. No beer, no wine, no fireball. I told my boyfriend I wanted his support, but that he doesn't have to stop. We usually always get a beer with our meal when we go out, but I really want to commit this month to getting out of the 190s. 

Get out of the 190s. I'm sick of them.

I will be weighing myself tomorrow morning, and I will not be stepping on the scale again until March 1st. 

I want to just talk about the scale for a minute. I have a terrible relationship with it. I weigh myself neurotically which, is stupid, because I KNOW that even within a day my weight can fluctuate 3lbs. Yet still, when I see a number I'm not happy with, I want to punish myself and just not eat, or I binge and give up. As much as I'd love to be in the 180's by march 1st, really, as long as the number is smaller then than it is tomorrow, its going in the right direction. 

Reflection:

2013 was a roller coaster. A lot of good happened, and a lot of...not bad..but...difficult and unsolved things came with it.

I'm still figuring myself out. I'm still struggling with binging, and there isn't too much in my life right now that particularly excites me. 

that being said.

Hopes for the year to come:

I have made a really difficult decision that is a secret to..well, everyone except you guys. I've decided that unless I make a change, change simply wont fall into my lap. I have very little left for me here in chicago and so, come march/april, I will be moving back east to boston, which is where I grew up. 

I will be living in a studio there, and joining a gym across the street (the studio isn't meant to be lived in, so there is now shower) and so I will FINALLY have a gym again. 

I will be pursuing a career in nyc, and have an apartment lined up with my childhood friend starting in july. 

career aside, here are some realizations and goals I have for the coming hear:

Realization:

I have realized that when I have control over some parts of my life. other things follow. This primarily falls in line with binging. When I am exercising and happy, I feel no need to binge. When I'm depressed, haven't exercised and feel unmotivated, I feel powerless to it. 

Goal:

To find a way, until I move, to MAKE pieces fall into line to prevent this binge disordered eating.

Realization:

I am no longer 100lbs overweight. In order to be a healthy weight (140-155) I would need to lose about 40-50lbs. This means by this time next year, if I lost the same amount I lost this year, I could be within 10-15 lbs of my goal weight

Goal:

To say good bye to the 190s, hello and good bye to the 180s and end the year at the bottom of the 170s. And Yes, I know a number is only a number, but for me is a tool to help guide me in the right direction, and a tangible goal. 

I am strong. I can do this.

Ok. I have one month to finish this year on track. I need this. I need this so badly. Here it goes:

1) Eat because I need to, not to pass time. I keep finding myself snacking because, I dont know. This NEEDS to stop.

2) Limit myself to 2 meals out a week. Because I work so much, stopping at subway, or starbucks, or the bagel place is so easy. but its bad for my health and my wallet. I'm not taking it away, just limiting it. 

3)Keep a record of some way I exercised. Every day. I'm considering restarting the 30DS and trying some yoga videos. 

4) I would really love, with all my heart, to see 189 before 2014. 

I, Larissa, am the only one who has the power to make or break these goals. They are all do-able, and attainable, and it is up to me to follow through. 

I haven't done this in a few months, so what better time to re-start it than the present? Sometimes, I work best with baby steps and lists, so thats what this month is all about. 

1) See 189.5 on the scale. That would require a loss of about 5lbs, which at my weight is totally do-able. I keep yoyoing in the 190s and I just need to be rigid about things. 

2) No matter what, exercise at least 15 minutes every day. This is not to say on some days it won't be much more, but I find my excuse a lot of the time is "I dont have enough energy to do a good workout" so instead I do nothing. doing something is ALWAYS better than doing nothing.

3) Apply to at least 10 jobs. One thing I'm not good at is when one area of my life is at a point I'm not happy with, I lose motivation in all areas. I want a job that isn't retail, that doesn't force me to live paycheck to paycheck, and will allow me to join a gym again.