#mono-loguing

in the beginning, it's pretty easy - you snooze you loose, your star is knocked down, and it's curtain call. whoever wins also has the emotional and narrative victory.

they start to break this down almost from the start. in episode two, karen comforts junna after beating her, and it brings them closer as friends. in episode 6, "winning" for kaoruko is ultimately secondary to gaining futaba's attention, and the two are chummier than ever after their battle.

hell, hikari's entire existence in the story is after she lost all her brilliance - by all accounts, she shouldn't even be in a condition to participate at all. but she got a second chance to fly to tokyo and to set things right, despite being severely disadvantaged. only when she's able to overcome her doubts and starts believing in her and karen's joint future, her weapon is transformed and upgraded. and of course, karen looses everything as well, but she literally claws her way back into the theater to get her rematch. for a series that tells you from the very beginning that you will loose everything if you don't win, and that there can only ever be one top star, in the end, winning the battle is secondary.

gekijouban really takes this to its extreme; every battle has a very clear winner and loser - but the loser always gains something more. futaba wins, but kaoruko not only gets her bike, but also a promise for the rest of their lifetime. hikari gets her ass beat in like, minute 2 of the performance, but is granted a literal medal and a second chance by mahiru to go do things right, for real this time. nana loses against junna, but what she gains is the brilliance she's been looking for all this time since episode 1. claudine properly defeats maya by simply besting her and knowing her weaknesses, and what does maya lose? exactly nothing - instead, they promise to play another round, and infinite rounds as partners. another promise for a lifetime.

karen dies. the protagonist literally drops dead, no heartbeat, and loses her life on stage and it does not matter in the end. she is stabbed, beaten, costume ripped apart, her body and soul emptied out completely and yet she gains her life and passion back. because it's not about winning or losing. it's about giving it your all, barring your soul to the art and to your partner. that's why the losers don't lose. that's why karen was able to "trick" the giraffe's system in the series, and also why the revues in the movie don't even abide by this system anymore.

Blatant flirting, hilarious misunderstandings, and lesbian shenanigans aplenty - this show is funny, over-dramatic, and most of all gay as hell. Here's my review! Spoiler-free version first, and a more detailed spoiler-y version under the cut. I hope you enjoy!

A quick summary: Overall: 9/10, you should absolutely watch this! Genre: RomCom, with some serious elements and a heartfelt exploration of sexuality Watch if you are looking for... : A silly and fun time, a happy ending, misunderstandings, and character development. Highly recommended to watch this with your partner(s) or your sapphic friends! Watch out for... : Although the tone of the show is mostly comedic, it contains discussion & depiction of homophobia at the workplace and past trauma relating to that Where to watch: Official TL on GagaOOLala, or Fansubs by @furritsubs (highly recommended!)

"Ayaka is in Love with Hiroko" (Ayaka-chan wa Hiroko-senpai ni Koishiteru) is a Jdrama adaption of a manga by the same title. The series premiered this year July 2024 and has wrapped up a short while ago, with a total runtime of 8 episodes of 24 minutes each.

The title of the show already says all; the plot is simple: Junior staff member Ayaka is head-over-heels for Hiroko, her senior at the company she works at. And she has decided to go on the offensive.

There are many obstacles in Ayaka's way: first of all, Hiroko is 13 years older than her (they are 23 and 36), and her superior at the workplace. Hiroko is beloved by both her superiors as well as her staff, so Ayaka's love for her is just one of many. And no matter how blatantly she ups her advances (and girl, she is BOLD), Hiroko is 100% convinced that all the flirting is just misplaced, straight-woman obliviousness.

The irony of it all is that Ayaka is absolutely barking up the right tree, because Hiroko is a lesbian, but has been firmly in the closet at work - something that she has no plans on changing. Her professional life and her personal must stay completely separate, at all cost. The only place she can truly be herself is the lesbian bar she's been a regular at for years.

^ Me when I'm a lesbian disaster doing insane mental gymnastics

However, "giving up" is not in Ayaka's vocabulary. As her seduction attempts keep escalating and being misunderstood, Hiroko's hard exterior begins to crumble bit by bit. Can Hiroko finally overcome her rigid ways, and let herself fall for someone?

Although the show is first and foremost a comedy, both Ayaka and Hiroko as characters are handled really well. They have their own problems, insecurities, reservations about the other, and both have a simple but great arc over the course of the series. Ayaka is discovering her sexuality, something she had never even considered before falling for Hiroko. What does being in love with a woman mean for her future? And Hiroko, who is already very confident in her sexuality, is confronted by her past trauma, and the fact that she's still not ready to come out despite the changing times. And while being undercover has saved her career in the past, it has also made her feel alone and isolated. She likes Ayaka back, but can't allow her true colors to show.

Something that I find very hard to achieve with comedy shows is the switch between funny and serious, and I think that Ayahiro manages this very well. Both of our main characters feel grounded enough in reality that when they get emotional, it feels relatable and sincere. For a silly show like this, striking a balance like that is crucial, and save for a few pacing issues in the later half of the show (that I honestly didn't mind at all), I think the show totally nails it. Ayahiro is not a realistic show, but it contains elements of reality that made me connect to it, despite all the insane shenanigans that go on. And because of that the show made me laugh and cry as much as it did, often in the same episode. It works, and Kudos to the writers (and actors!) for that.

Speaking of actors, one thing I must mention is that the show is very well made. The actors (especially Mori Kanna as Hiroko is the standout for me, she has a natural charisma and gay swagger) do a fantastic job, the leads' chemistry is great. The production overall has some real money behind it, with lots of changing sets that all look great and have been crafted with care. Ayaka's outfits are absolute KILLER, she is giving insane femme energy. The show also looks very pretty, the color graders turn that saturation up to 100 and it fits Ayaka's rose-tinted world well.

That's it for the spoiler-less part, I'll now get into specific characters and plot points with full spoilers up to the end of the series under the cut. If you don't want to get spoiled, I hope the review until now made you want to watch the show for yourself! I hope you enjoy!

This episode was peak. Truly.

I needed to gather my thoughts for a while to talk about this episode because there was just so much. It's a whopping 75 minutes long, compared to the normal ~60mins that the episodes do, and they spent every minute of it cashing in on character work and payoff from the previous 12 episodes. I was pleasantly surprised because I didn't even think they would handle their breakup this well. It was so fucking good.

First and foremost this was a very Anil-focused episode, with Pin popping up here and there for some scenes but we didn't get much of her perspective - which I believe is true to the novel, and also my only "criticism" of this episode. At the same time, I wouldn't want to give away any of those minutes we spent with Anin to something else, it was really perfect the way it was.

And that is definitely deliberate. Because now that the cat's fully out of the bag, we have an open battlefield with almost nowhere to hide. And Anin has all her supporters come to see her. Her brother comes to apologize and comfort her. She visits her mother and has a heartfelt scene with her, once again making her feelings clear. Although Princess Alisa is not on board with the relationship, she still wants to support Anin - the problem is just that Anin is asking for the one thing she cannot get. Prik comes to apologize to Anin and they hug. Anan comes to see Anin again to comfort her some more. Everyone is on Anin's side, even if they don't agree with her, she has a whole following and family that just want her to be happy.

And Pin? She has no one. The only person she has, she has to sacrifice in order to not cause her harm. Within the hierarchy of the royal families, Pin's feelings, her body or even her life don't matter to anyone. The difference in scenes of Anin grieving VS Pin grieving really illuminates how alone and powerless Pin really is. A literal bird in a cage.

And that's the excellency of the episode for me: I feel deeply with both of the girls, and I understand exactly how they are feeling and why the breakup was inevitable. From Pin's perspective, her dating Anin was always going to be temporary, because she knows that if the time came, she could never defy authority and choose not to marry. As an orphan and "noble commoner", a noble of the lowest rank in the palace, she's been keenly aware of her powerlessness and rank etiquette her entire life. She's basically a servant. Although she made a promise with Anin and dared to dream about their future for just a bit, Princess Patt made her remember her place. So the only way to protect the person she loves is to sacrifice herself. Anin on the other hand is the King's favourite child, a high ranking Princess and the only daughter the family has. She was never going to marry for love, just like her oldest brother wasn't allowed to. And in this episode, the reality of that finally hit Anin. She's a woman, and although everyone loves her, in the end, she's expected to marry a man and have children, and that is the top priority for her. Her job, her studying abroad, her passion, her mannerisms and shenanigans don't matter and are always policed by the rest of her family. The power she thought she had by cleverly playing people to her advantage, and being just so damn kind and sweet that people will just naturally be on her side, that power has its limits, and she has reached it.

That's the core of the tragedy. Anin loves Pin, and Pin loves her, so ardently and deeply that they would give up everything for each other. And they know that the other is sincere about their feelings. Anin doesn't even hesitate to renounce her title, and Pin gives up her body and heart to marry Kuea. All just so the other doesn't get hurt. But that's where the two of them are different: Anin gives up her privilege, because she thinks she can be with Pin that way. No princess title, no princess responsibilities, right? But it's simply not true, and the hardest realization Anin has this episode is that she's been just stupidly naive this whole time. Pin on the other hand is extremely aware of the consequences Anin would face if she gave up her title, so the only way to prevent that is to take away what Anin wants, which is her. Anin gives up everything to not lose Pin. But when Pin gives up everything, it's only to not have Anin lose herself.

It drives me so insane how they care so deeply that they are willing to sacrifice it all but still it ends in heartbreak, no matter what. The reality of misogyny and class discrimination came in full force, something the show up to this point has only vaguely alluded to with Patt's disciplining and Pin's general worrying about, well, everything. But now even Anin is aware of her position, and her responsibilities, where before she was living in her own little dream world she thought she could expand forever and everyone would just go along.

The confrontation between Anin and Pin after Pin agreed to marry Kuea is just so good and heartbreaking. "I'm just a human, like you, made of flesh and blood and a heart that can break." Pin's betrayal hit deep and Anin doesn't understand it. Pin can only see what she sacrificed, and not that from Anin's perspective, she has given up and betrayed their love.

And truly: Anin is better than any of us. Certainly better than me. Because she is ugly sobbing and quietly fuming with anger but she doesn't lash out. Not at her dumbass middle brother, not at her mother, not at Princess Patt, barely even at Kuea. She is not petty, she is not hurting anyone, she's not even dropping any of her responsibilities as a princess. She even fucking shows up to the engagement party, performs her duties as Princess, and gives Pin back the silver hairpin. Oh my fucking God. You are so good and kind and any lesser show would have made you do something so messy and reckless but she didn't. She's minimizing the damage as best she can, while also trying to leave as much room for her own feelings as possible, isolating herself to her room above the others. Giving back the silver hairpin to Pin's golden hairpin? That's even a declaration of hope. If we can't be together, then at least let our hairpins be together, like they were destined to be. YOU ARE CRAZY!!!!!!!!!

Even though it was my first time going to a concert alone I immediately managed to make friends. We had a little meetup with other people going solo, and people in the queue or those that were handing out freebies were also super friendly and chatty. We had snacks and drinks before splitting off and going to our assigned seats (it was an all-sitting venue, but people all stood up once the concert started!). After the concert we met back up and one of them even drove us to our respective hotels with their car - and we sung NMIXX songs together in the car. Probably very off-key. But who cares, we all sang along :D

During the concert, the friendly guy next to me handed me his lightstick saying: "You can make better use of this than I can. Keep it for the rest of the show." He saw how much I was vibing and dancing... And he even adjusted the brightness and colour for me. He also wanted both hands free for filming. Thank you... Since I forgot my lightstick at home, you came to the rescue. Also, the NMIXX lightstick is so fun to wield. The little whale keeps spinning around...

The concert itself: So cool!!!! I always love a live band and I really enjoyed the sound they brought to the records. Especially Reality Hurts was absolutely stunning with the band, it sounded so fucking good. I didn't know I could love that song more but now I do. In general (apart from playing Christmas song at the end of March?!) the setlist was amazing. All the big bangers from the Fe:304 album trilogy, and of course the Blue Valentine big hitters, as well as some classic oldies. It was a good mix of high energy and more chill songs. Ending with ADORE U is the best decision, especially when the instrumentals are done live.

The members were also in high spirits and had so much fun!!! I loved all the little interactions with the crowd and everyone's try at German. Bae & Sullyoon unironically nailed their pronunciations, I'm really impressed. They also didn't give up when they slightly mispronounced something, they tried again until it was audience-approved lmao. And shoutout to the real-time translation!

I didn't really have a bias/oshi before and this hasn't made it easier because I saw how good they all were. Everyone stood out in one way or another. I tend to kind of immediately not think I'd fave the youngest members because I'm already old in 4.5th&5th gen fandoms anyway (no shade to myself, it's just how it is) and the maknaes tend to be 16-20 if not younger which is... yeah. But Kyujin really was so amazing performing that I caught myself watching her instinctively. Her energy was addictive. And I loved Bae's charming shenanigans in front of a big live audience. 100% sincere, no ounce of shame and I loved every line. Everyone was super shy compared to her. Just a tall, human bouncy ball. So those two are now my faves, I guess :D but huge honourable mention goes to Lily because that woman was belting into the mic and hitting all the high notes like crazy. Like WOW. What do they feed you!!

The whole atmosphere of the concert, the experience around it, was all so welcoming and sweet. Random dance challenges in front of the venue, people giving out candy and lomocards or self-made bracelets, everyone in cool (mostly blue and white) outfits. This is what makes fandom so fun. I wish this was the reputation that KPop had online too because the amount of respect and love for other fans is so cool IRL.

The next day, I also visited the NMIXX Pop Up Shop as well as the local Kpop store in the city and both were great too, especially the latter. Thank you for lending me your couch and shelter from the rainstorm. I'll definitely be back!

But opposite to my expectations, it's not an "enemies to lovers", "fake dating for personal gain" or even revenge story; it's a sweet & trashy "childhood crush to allies in a crime investigation" story about two people who only get married to protect each other before one of them is actually forced into an arranged marriage to a guy.

"Oh no, I have to marry my childhood crush who I've been yearning after for 14 years so the bad guys don't kidnap me!!"