#mondaylunchtime

Sometimes, life throws you situations that are so awful, that ”coping” isn’t enough. You need to shut down and shut off. 

In this ice cold existence, there is comfort and peace. No one can get close enough to make you feel anything bad. But, they also can’t get anywhere near you to make you feel anything good. 

It’s not that you don’t want to feel anything good anymore; you absolutely do. But it’s all about association. For me, anyway. The last time I felt something good, it ended in my own emotional hell. Therefore I associate feeling good with being closely followed by something terrible. 

When you've shut everything off, you can’t feel anything. And if you’ve been through something painful enough, the “nothing” is preferable. Almost like a holiday away from feelings. Like being wrapped in cotton wool. It’s all happy days until you encounter something that makes you want to feel the good stuff again. 

Ordinarily, it’s nice to just wander around with your cotton wool barrier, being able to take in the world from a new angle. A totally unbiased angle. An angle that is all for you, with no one else to dictate your decision or sway your opinion. Kind of like seeing everything in HD. 

But just sometimes, you encounter a person or an experience that tempts you into opening up for the good stuff. 

It’s a cycle of what has become your everyday emotionless bliss, followed by hopeful optimism, peppered with crippling fear. 

Isn’t the human mind a country of wonderment and confusion?