#moetivated

I feel as though it's time to tell you all what's been going on with me, and what happened a few days ago.

Firstly, I want to thank each and every one of you. You're all the reason I'm still alive right now. I had relapsed, and was going to make a rash decision to end my own life, but all the love and support from you guys convinced me to stay. Although I did make a few other bad decisions that night, I am healing and doing much better now. Thank you.

Recently, my father got diagnosed with Parkinson's disease. His motor control is declining. He runs his own business, but hasn't been able to show up because of his physical health. He's been trying to sell his art online, but it hasn't been going very well. We don't make sales very often, and my mom has to work multiple jobs. He's (somewhat) out of a job. On top of all this, there's a chance he has Lyme disease as well. This is speeding up the progression of the Parkinson's, and would explain why he's been deteriorating so quickly. It pains me to watch him get worse every day.

In addition, many of my hobbies haven't been giving me joy like they used to. I used to love reading, drawing, writing, and things of the sort, but now I feel no motivation to do anything at all. I struggle to find a reason to keep going sometimes. It might be burnout, but I'm not sure. It makes me a bit sad to know I'm unable to do the things I used to love and be good at.

My hoarding tendencies have begun to come back, and as hard as I'm trying to stop, it's very difficult. Everything around me is a mess. I've just broken up with my partner that I had been dating for two years. I have nobody to confide in, as I haven't come out to my family that we were dating in the first place. Although it wasn't a good relationship, I have a longing to go back. I tend to see things through rose tinted glasses however, so I'm keeping myself from pursuing anyone for the time being.

Even through all this, I've tried to still keep a consistent schedule and give advice whenever I can. Though, I do feel like a fraud in a way. I'm giving people advice on how to feel better and take care of themselves, but I can't do the same for myself. It's a bit shameful, isn't it? ^_^,

I'm trying to keep my spirits up and find joy in simple things. I'm going to begin going on walks in the mornings again and meditating when I feel I'm fully ready. Everything seems a bit brighter the day after you attempt, doesn't it? It reminds you of how precious your life is, in a way. I'm going to try posting and answering questions still, and I apologize in advance if I miss posts for a day or two. I just need a bit of time to get back on my feet, and I'll be okay! Life has a way of sorting itself out during times like these, and I trust you'll be kind as I recover!

As always, I hope you all have an amazing day! Thank you guys so much for being here for me. I love you all. <3

Psssssst

hey

remember that really embarrassing thing you did a long time ago?

well nobody else does!!