#modernboss

Ok, first of all - completely IGNORE the title of this post. If anyone ever tells you that you don't need to aim high(est), that should just encourage you to soar through the sky. Second of all, the person who told me that I don't need to aim for the stars is...well, my husband. Before you call him an A-HOLE, I just want you to know that he's actually a pretty amazing and supportive man who sometimes just doesn't think before he speaks. I also think that this is something that maybe many men think of their ambitious wife, whether they choose to admit it or not. This is the point of my post. I'm getting back to the reason that I started this whole blog thing. I want to talk about MODERN DAY BOSS LADIES. 

This all started the other day when my husband and I were debating about a situation I ran across him about my work. The details are really unimportant and, quite frankly, confidential yet juicy. My husband asked me why my boss would put me in a situation where she knew I might be uncomfortable, or at least encourage me to be in one. The suggestion made to me was not against the rules, unethical, or dishonest. It was just outside of my comfort zone. I explained that I am in an awesome position and my boss is grooming me to one day be in her position. It was then that he said, "aren't you high up enough yet? Isn't that good enough? It's great to aim high, but you don't need to aim for the stars." I was absolutely floored. I actually began to hysterically cry and somewhat panic. Is this really what he thought? 

First, I told him that I was shocked that he would say something like that to me and that after 11 years, if he didn't know me to be the most ambitious woman he has ever met, he doesn't know me at all. I was surprised that he wasn't proud of the woman I am. I told him that and I told him that was hurtful. He explained to me that he is very proud of me and my career and that he doesn't understand why I am never satisfied just staying in one particular position. He also reminded me (as he often does - which is beyond f*#king annoying and insulting) that I have a son and I need to be available for him as he grows older - you know, for plays, baseball games, awards, field trips, etc. Well, DUH! When he tells me this, I feel as though he thinks I am a bad mother and maybe even a bad wife. That I am so engrossed in my career that I am a slacker of a woman of the home. He assured me that he does not think that, but that he just does not want me to get sucked in to becoming obsessed over my work. (you should know that at one point in my life, I was an extremely unhappy work-a-holic. This was also before baby and before marriage)

OK - where am I going with all of this? Well, this whole conversation made me ask myself if it is even possible to "have it all." Is it possible to be a super star in your career, an amazing mother, and a wonderful wife? I then began to think of the women at the top of my organization and the female mentors I have had over the years. That told me that the answer was a big fat NO. Most of these women, as wonderful and amazing as they are, have had multiple failed marriages and distant relationships with their now adult children. I don't want that. Then I thought about other female power houses in the world. It doesn't get much better. Oprah is pretty awesome...but she's not hitched to Stedman, nor does she have children. Hillary is one to admire, though we saw what happened during her marriage. Martha has made billions, but where is her husband? I could keep going, but I will spare you. 

From there, I began to feel extremely frustrated. It seems as though men can have it all without having to sacrifice one or the other. Just the other day, the male boss at my work said he was going to leave early to catch his kid's rugby game. A few months ago, he took time off to send his daughter off to college. He also often tells stories about his wife and how she teases him. He has had the opportunity to rise to the top while also (apparently) keeping the same wife and avoiding raising decent human beings as children. On a bigger scale, there are several actors, athletes, public figures, etc.  who also get to have their cake and eat it too. WHY IS THIS NOT TRUE FOR WOMEN!?!?!?!

The thought of the unfairness is extremely infuriating. It seems as though the only way for a woman to have it all is to have a pushover of a husband or dump the husband altogether. I believe that divorce is the easy way out and I would not want a pansy of a husband. No offense to anyone. 

My husband has his own business and has been very successful at it. He is also a man who doesn't necessarily follow the normal roles of husbandry. He works locally and I commute, so he is able to take our kiddo to and from daycare. He plays with him for hours before i get home. By the time my car enters the garage, dinner is set on the table. He does the grocery shopping and takes care of the bills. I do things also, don't think that I am a princess! I clean, I wash all the dishes, handle all the laundry, bathe and put to bed the kiddo, and more fun things. We both do a lot and we both have successful careers. It works...for now. But that statement he made...as stupid as it was...makes me wonder. Will I be able to continue to rise to the top and keep my marriage and be a good mom? As much as I hope and pray for that, I am truly not 100% sure. 

To be where I am at in my career, I am extremely young. Not to toot my own horn or anything, but I've done pretty well for myself. That brings another unique situation to the table. Most people at my level are much older and their children are grown adults (and husbands long gone). They don't deal with diapers and poop and crayons. They don't have competing priorities like family and work.

I keep getting presented with these awesome opportunities that I, quite frankly, am not willing to pass on. I don't think that they will be options for me by the time my kid goes off to college. SO, I must seize the moment and AIM FOR THE STARS. I want to live the best life possible and I will never be apathetic when it comes to my career. That is not me and it never will be. BUT, I also am not willing to sacrifice my child or his happiness. I have to keep forging on and remind myself what is the MOST important thing in life. It IS family. Family is the most important thing in life, BUT, I cannot sustain my family's happiness if I am giving up on my own. So it's a juggling game. 

The reason I chose to write about this today and the reason it is so lengthy and all over the place, is that when I was so upset about all of this last night (and fuming about it all day today), I had NO ONE to go to for sound advice. I had not a one person in my life who has experienced this successfully. I'm sure that in this modern day, there are other women out there who struggle with the same balancing act (and glass ceiling, in many ways), but there does not seem to be a venue out there where women can go to give one another support. Not support that says, "screw men! we don't need them to be successful!!!" That is the EASY WAY OUT. I need to be around women who tell me that it is ok to have these feelings and that it is ok want to be successful. That it is not selfish or self centered. I need a support group of women who say that their family means too much to them to give up, but that they were put on this earth to rule the world of work. As far as I know, this place does not exist. I hope to be able to create or ignite or inspire such a place...because Lord knows that it would help me!

All of this to say...do not give up on your dreams. Do not let anyone tell you that you are high enough. You go as high as you want to go. You are brilliant and you can do it. You CAN have it all. I don't know how yet, but I will help you figure it out.  In the meantime, if anyone has any suggestions or pearls, my ears are open!