#mod pulse

It’s gentle. Being surrounded by wildflowers that drift in the subtle breeze. Peaceful. My head is heavy against the ground. It feels wrong. Twisted. I don’t pay any of it attention. Not the way my body feels so strange. Don’t think about it.

He rests with me. Hovering against my back. I’m grateful for the distraction. Each breath gets heavier and the ache in my chest grows. 

I’m scared.

The tears come whether I want to or not. No matter how much I blink them down, they spill over. I should let them. It won’t matter soon anyway. 

I hiccup despite my best intentions. The fear is ever present, winding in my aching lungs. Even though I chose this, sought it out against my better judgement. Maybe because I did.

The flowers. Look at the flowers. They smell lovely. So gentle. I can imagine them dancing across my mouth- is it still a mouth? I take a deep breath of the fading scent. Futilely commit it to memory. My tear trails are like brands from where the wind soothes over them. It’s too hot, too cold. The sensation grows more and more muted.

“Where do demons go when they die?” I don’t want to know the answer. I have to know the answer. Lie to me, I want to shout. Lie to me softly. 

The Grim Reaper stirs from his rest. He hums gently wiping away the trails on my face. If ever there was a welcomed touch it would be now. 

“They go to their resting place. A lovely place” I take his words to heart. There’s a place. A resting place. He diligently wipes the tears that overflow from my cracking dam. The flowers are a blur of colors in front of me. 

“Will you..” It’s getting harder to breath. “Sing for me?” It’s a lot to ask. First his presence and now his voice. I fear he won’t. 

His voice is gentle and soft. A perfect lullaby for me to sleep to. My eyes slip close, losing the fight to stay open. It’s okay, the gentle song says. 

My body feels so numb now. 

It’s okay, the lullaby whispers, just relax. 

I can’t feel my body anymore- can’t remember-

Just relax. You can let go now. It whispers from afar. 

Okay.