[Transcript: There is an ambient wind sound in the background as Ranboo talks.
Ranboo: Hello, Tiktok. Itās me, Ranboo. Iām outside and I found the fah-market. Itās the fah-market, everyone! What the āfā stands for is, um⦠well itās-
(someone yells incoherently in the background)
Ranboo: Someone just started to scream at the end of that, so I got scared.
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Ā Hereās theĀ Google Doc linkĀ or you can click on the read more.
Techno: Yo, Technoblade here with another upload, oh my God I canāt believe it. Weāre back, weāre playing Bedwars, uh, I donāt know why I said that in the present tense because I actually recorded these Bedwars games a few days ago. I have- Iāve played like, almost no Bedwars since the win streak, which was like, I dunno, years ago - so, you know, forgive me if Iām a little rusty. These are literally just the first three games of Bedwars I played, recorded them, and then just threw them in this background footage because, you know, I like live commentaries a lot, but I feel like sometimes, when you have a topic to talk about, having to play a video game simultaneously can sorta- it can sorta detract from the commentary, you know?
But before that: a plushie commercial filmed on my iPhone.
We got the first one - itās Technoblade. Heās in a flying pose. Heās flying to save some civilians or heās falling flat on his face. Depends on who you ask. Alright. We got the- We got Technoblade. Heās sitting down. Heās- Heās seated. Heās seated. Itās incredibly exciting. Uh, we got- we got Technoblade but heās- heās a giant- heās a gigantic pillow. Itās Technopillow. This is actually- This is actually really- This is really soft. Youāre gonna have to take my word for it.
These plushies go on sale on September 3rd at 3 PM EST at youtooz.com. The last ones sold out in around eight hours, so be prepared. I mean, one of them was like, two minutes but ehhh, itās not happening again.
So where has Technoblade been? I know Iāve been gone since like, June. I was actually being really productive in July, which I know you guys are gonna- Youāre not gonna believe me when I say that because I made no content. But I was! I was, you gotta believe me, okay? I was getting so much work done IRL; I was like, filling out paperwork, making business moves, working on merchandise, buying new equipment to make new videos. āCause I really wanted- I really wanted to increase the rate at which I was making videos, ācause I kinda spent- You know, I kinda spent like, all this time becoming a famous YouTube and then instantly like, stopped uploading. Which, I mean, to be fair, I guess that started more in like 2018. So, thatās more just a pattern now.
Ā But I figured, you know, this whole thing where I go two- you know, one or two months without uploading- I donāt want that to be me, man. I wanna be uploading at least once per week. So I spent a lot of time preparing to do that. And the plan was that I would start doing that in August, but I took a- It didnāt- Itās, uh- Itās not going great, Iām not going to lie to you.
So in the last two days of July I noticed that my right arm was starting to hurt a decent amount and I thought- My best guess was that it was some kind of repetitive stress injury, ācause you know Iāve been playing video games since the age of like, five. Itās pretty much nonstop. I was gonna get carpal tunnel at some point but, uh, I took a few days to rest my arm and it really didnāt⦠really didnāt feel any better after that. And so after a few days of that, I looked at myself in the mirror and I noticed that my right shoulder was starting to swell like crazy and I was like, āOh my God! I mustāve broken a bone, this is-ā I mean, this- It looked- it looked crazy.
So, you know, the next day - August 2nd - I, uh, headed over to the doctor to see what was wrong and uh, they ran a couple of scans and then they came back and they told me that, uh, the reason my arm hurts is because I have cancer.
That really couldnāt have gone worse, I donāt think. I feel a bit silly talking about this with, uh, Minecraft in the background; it feels a bit out of place. But Iām a Minecraft YouTuber - I donāt- I donāt do a face cam. Which is I guess how most people would talk about serious things, with a face cam. I also probably, uh- *chuckles* Also probably a bit weird to plug my merchandise in the- in the same video, like, āHey, guys, I have a- I have a terrible disease, also buy my plushies, bro.ā But uh- *laughs* Listen: Iāve been waiting so many months to sell those plushies, bro. And it keeps getting delayed and now cancer thinks it can stop me. No no no no no. Iām trying to make some bank, bro. I wanna get paid, also they look fantastic, I mean just look at them, they look incredible. Alright?
I mean, I guess it would be ideal to like, split up the announcements, but Iām going back into chemotherapy next week; I donāt got time for this, man. We gotta go!
To be fair, I could make this a lot weirder; I could have like, the thumbnail be a giant red arrow pointing to my tumor with the caption āMight die! Not clickbait!ā *laughs* Yeah, just the ultimate- the ultimate YouTuber, bro. Weāre clickbaiting the whole process.
So after the scans come in, I get transferred to another hospital which has an oncology award, so itās a lot more specialized towards what I need. And Iām sorta like sitting there in the bed for a couple of days like, āHello. Could I please get some healthcare? Could I- Could I just get a- Could I just get a crumb of healthcare? Please! Like, I *stutters* I wanna see people sprinting, you know? I feel like I want to see some urgency, you know? If you guys gotta- *stammers* You know, thereās like, this tumor on my arm - if you guys could just- if you guys could just get rid of it. Just get rid of it right now! Could we just go? If you gotta cut off my arm, cut off my arm, bro - do what you gotta do. I wonāt complain, man, Iāve won enough Minecraft tournaments. Iāll just play Minecraft with my feet from here on out, bro. Iāll still be B tier at least, okay? Itās fine. Do what you gotta do.ā
But then the doctors are telling me, āOh, well, we canāt- we canāt do it immediately. We gotta- We gotta find out what it is, we gotta run some tests, do a biopsy.ā Iām like, āOkay, do the biopsy.ā Like, āOh, well first we gotta do some scans.ā Iām like, āAlright, dude, the scans.ā And so it took a couple of days and then they did a biopsy, uh, three days later. And then I was like, āAlright. Letās go!ā And they were like, āOh, well, the biopsy is gonna take like, a week or more to get back.ā And Iām just sitting here like, āBruh, please. Please, just treat me.ā
I mean, it makes sense. It makes a lot of sense and Iām sure they know what theyāre doing, but Iām just sitting there in the hospital like, āPlease. Please, healthcare.ā So they get the biopsy and they send me home and theyāre saying like, Iāll come back in like a week or so when they have a treatment plan prepared, and so I- It was a very fun week at home ācause I was sitting there still not getting treated and I was just like, looking at my tumor like, āAlright, Mr. Tumor. You know, you need me to survive so itās in your best interest to just- to just chill out for a little bit, you know? We donāt wanna go too crazy.ā
And faintly- Faintly if you strain your ears, underneath my skin you can hear:
[Dreamās speedrun music plays for a few seconds]
Techno: Yeah, it was a really fun week. But I did finally get started on chemotherapy, which is a wonderful process. Let me explain chemotherapy. So basically uh, you know how society has progressed for thousands of years of technological and medical innovation? So basically, one of the top three ways we have to fight cancer is uh, for you to go to the hospital and then they uh, plug you into a machine and then they inject poison directly into your veins for several days. Thatās uh, thatās one of the best ways weāve got of going about this and the poison- itās supposed to kill the cancer - it uh, also kills things like, you know, blood. But ehhh, does anybody really need blood? I feel like itās pretty optional, you know? Uh- *small laugh* Blood for the Blood God as it were, alright? Uh, Iāll take what I can get.
I, uh, you know, I used to have a channel meme- ācause back in the day- you know how my motivation always goes up and down in, like, cycles? I used to have a meme where whenever Iād get super motivated Iād, ya know, Iād start uploading, like crazy. Iād also do things like get a haircut. And, so, I joked that, uh, the less hair I had, the more Iād upload. āCause thatās- the hair was holding me back. And so, if thatās still true, I gotta say, chemotherapy, thatās gotta be daily uploads or something, bro. *laughs* Itās gonna be- Chemotherapy Arc is gonna be fantastic for content.
Well, ya know, after I got diagnosed, I, uh, Iāve been making a lot of phone calls- ya know, informing all of my distant family members about the situation- and, I gotta say, of all the phone calls Iāve made, nobody took the news worse than my health insurance provider. Theyāve been inconsolable for weeks. They were like, āYou got what!? No!āĀ
I mean, I had no idea they cared so much. Theyāve just- oh my God. I- I think theyāre the real victims of this. I mean, could you imagine? Could you imagine? Like, look at me! I was a healthy twenty-two year old, I, like, barely went to the doctor, even for, like, regular appointments. I- I guess I went to the dentist, thatās the one thing I did. I was the freest paycheck theyāve ever seen in their lives. They couldāve been milking money off of me for decades. And then, bam, cancer, bro. *laughs* Oh, those poor guys.Ā
Uh, the one- the one favor I- I do wanna ask- If you guys could all do one small favor for Technoblade- uh, you know that coronavirus thing you been hearing in the news for the last couple of years? Uh, I want you guys to get rid of it. Just, uh, I want it gone. Just a couple days should be sufficient for you guys to do that.
No, but, seriously. Iām kind of, uh, immunocompromised right now, which means, uh, if a bacteria touches me or, like, a virus touches me, I will explode. So, yeah, uh, I wanna- get the vaccine, is what Iām saying.
Iām gonna get cancelled by the anti-vaxxers for saying it, but itās such a good vaccine, bro. Pfizer got full FDA approval, this week, for people aged sixteen and up. I think you- you can also get it if youāre eleven to fifteen if youāve got emergency approval or whatever. Uh, I mean, if you have any concerns, donāt listen to a Minecraft YouTuber, but, please, at least talk to a doctor. Because itās- itās so good bro. Itās so good.
The hospitals are currently getting flooded by unvaccinated people. Iām gonna go ahead and speak on behalf of all cancer patients when I say that it is incredibly annoying when the- when the hospitals are getting overworked by people dying of preventable diseases. Iām just saying- we got dibs on those hospital beds. So, ya know, you- you probably donāt- you donāt even want them really. You donāt even want to need them. So, I think the vaccine⦠what is it? It, like, reduces the chances of you needing hospitalization from Covid by, like, ninety-six percent? I mean, itās so effective, bro! Come on! I mean, you might still get, like⦠I mean, you could still catch coronavirus, but, like, the symptoms are gonna be so much milder, bro, Iām just saying. Think about it. Think about it. Talk to a doctor.
I remember when I first went in for chemotherapy, A: I was thrilled, ācause, like, yo! Healthcare! Inject it into my veins, bro! Letās go! But, also, like, the first couple of days were actually pretty chill. I was like, āDang! This is easy, bro!ā. And then it kicked in. And then it kicked in. My energy levels were zero; they were absolutely nothing. Itās hard to describe how tired I was, but I think my one example is- so they let me go back home. And after several days of resting, I had a virtual appointment with a doctor. And, so, they were, like, āAlrightā. And I was just sitting there, like, āWait a second. You guys want me to sit upright in a chair for an hour? What is this, the Olympics, bro? Iām going back to bed! What? What?ā *laughs* āWha? Letās calm down here. Sitting in a chair? Am I Superman? Like, come one, bro.ā
As you can probably tell, Iām feeling a lot better right now. Which is, uh, I think thatās part of the process, is, uh, you get a little bit of recovery time to, uh, ya know, eat a lot of really good food- get the weight back- and get ready for the next round.
And, uh, before we go back for the next round, Iām gonna be playing a lot of video games, uh, making some content, seeing if I can get some more videos prepared, because, uh- I know people are gonna be like, āNo! Technoblade! You donāt need to make videos for us! Please rest!ā
Nah, this isnāt about you, bro. This is about me. I enjoy this, man. This is, like, one of the safest and most fun things I could be doing right now, bro, Iām gonna do it. I donāt know how much content I could make, ācause Iām kinda slow, but weāll see. Weāll see.
I already have a video prepared for next week, uh, September third. You guys are gonna love it. Itās, uh, it was actually- itās kind of, kind of an old video. It was, uh, from a few months ago, but itās very good. So, yeah! You guys have that to look forward to.Ā
And, for the record, I know Iāve been complaining a lot in this video, but I just wanna clarify that the doctors I have are, like, insanely good, bro. Iām gonna be getting some of the finest healthcare in the world, so donāt worry about me too much.
I think the treatment has already started to show some results. I- I mean, itās been so short of a time, so the results arenāt gonna be insane or anything, but, at the very least, the speedrun music has stopped playing.Ā
So, yeah, thatās where Iāve been and thatās what Iām gonna be doing for the foreseeable future. Wish me luck, and, uh, wear a mask, I guess. Ya know, standard coronavirus procedures. All that coronavirus stuff and like, getting vaccinated - that goes double for Californians, okay? But it helps everywhere.
Uh, thatās all Iāve got for today. See you guys next time!
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