#mknlinenet

Reasons Not To Die | Prologue

You take a deep breath of the salty air, the sound of waves crashing in the background bringing a sad, but still happy smile to your face as you step out of your old beat up blue truck. 

You stood in the driveway filled with other cars you recognize even after a while of not being around. You could tell the party was already in full swing, with muffled music coming out of the large beach house in front of you making all but confirming your thoughts and your fear as the realization that you were actually doing this. 

You guess driving for two days, you should’ve gone straight to your hotel. But, the thought of seeing all of the boys once again in the same place after being away for so long got you too excited to just go and sit in a hotel room alone trying to avoid the inevitable. 

At least, this way you could just pretend to rip off the band aid. 

You slowly walk up to the old wooden porch creaking under your feet as the sound of people laughing and having fun making you even more nervous than before. Will they even remember me? Will they be happy to see me? Will he be happy to see me? — the thoughts that have been plaguing you all the way over here coming back even louder as you stand in front of the old scratched up wooden door. 

“Here goes nothing” You mumble to yourself as you press the doorbell, hearing as the sound makes its way through the house. Your eyes moving to the moving wind chimes you remember putting up when you had first moved in. They look old, beaten by the weather but still making the same beautiful sounds. 

It wasn’t long before you were startled back into reality as the door in front of you was opening and you were faced with a bright and smiling Hoseok. His eyes instantly widen and his mouth drops open the moment he lays his eyes on you. 

He slowly places the red cup that he had been holding on the side table by the door. His smile comes back even wider as he looks you up and down, hoping that this wasn’t the amount of alcohol he had consumed that day was playing a dirty trick on him and that you really were standing right in front of him. 

It had been a while since you had seen him, or any of them for that matter. You tilt your head, waiting for the older man to get out of whatever shock he was in — stepping closer to him, waving a hand in front of his face. “You okay there, buddy?”

“(Y/N)?” Hoseok asks, his eyebrows furrowing and before you know it, you’re being squished into his chest as his arms wrap around you tightly. “You’re back! You’re really here! When did you get back?” He laughs.

You hug him back, missing the smell of his strong cologne and as you bury your face in the curve of his neck. “I just got here” you giggle, moving your body side to side in his embrace. “It’s so good to see you, Hobi.”

“You look so grown up!” You jokingly cup his cheeks in your hands as you pull back. “You’re no longer baby sunshine!” 

“Oh stop!” Hoseok swats your hands away as gently as he could, shaking his head as he looks back at you. “I can’t believe it’s been that long…” he stops to admire his old friend, seeing how much you have really changed. “uh, you should come inside...the rest of the guys are here too” He rushes you inside to the music and conversation filled atmosphere before closing the door behind you. 

You feel a cold shiver run up your spine as you realize you will be seeing all of them in mere seconds. You feel yourself taking in a deep breath as Hoseok closes the front door behind you, placing a hand on your back as he moves you towards the living room. You had yet to be noticed by the rest of the group, standing awkwardly by the front door — noticing how the once empty shelves were now full of pictures from your old friend group. It had been way too long since you had seen them, they looked so grown up and I guess in their eyes, you had changed too. If you could do it, you would turn back time and do things differently. 

“Guys!” Hoseok interrupts the laughter, catching everyone’s attention as they all turn to look at him. You feel very small all of a sudden as the only thing that can be heard is the sound of the people outside jumping into the pool and the music playing in the background. You could see the looks of shock, anger, happiness and then realization on all of them before you were being enveloped in a tight hug. Jimin’s small body wraps around yours as he crushes you hard against his chest. “(Y/N)!” He happily cheers right next to your ear. 

“Hey, Jimin-ssi!” You smile as you hug him back, you didn’t miss the soft pink hair as he swayed both of your bodies side to side — landing multiple kisses on your cheek, that has you bursting out laughing. He definitely had more than a few drinks. 

You were always close to Park Jimin, being in the same class as him since kindergarten. He was the shy chubby kid that you decided you were going to defend against the older kids that seemed to target him — standing up for him without a second thought, turning into a lifetime friend for you. 

“When did you get back? How did you get back? Why didn’t you CALL?” Jimin begins to question as he moves away from you, swatting your arm as he yells out the last question. 

“Ow!” You yelp at the unexpected hitting, pouting at your friend as he quickly apologizes. 

They were all there — Namjoon, looking even more like eye candy than you remember. Taehyung with bright blue hair, the years being extremely kind to him and that child-like smile still plastered on his face greets you as he comes to give you a giant hug — his wide eyes and mouth wide open as he continues to stare in surprise. 

“You’re back?” Taehyung mumbles, “for real this time?” 

“Yes, I’m back” You chuckle, “for good this time” Taehyung envelopes you in another hug, this time lifting you up from the ground as he walks you deeper into the living room, setting you down in front of one of the many sofas you had picked out. 

You tap at his back as he puts you down, sitting down on the sofa he was gesturing to. Your eyes run across the rest of the room, searching for that one person you’ve been itching to see for the past two weeks when you made the decision to come back home. You should’ve never left. 

Your eyes shift to the back door as it loudly opens to reveal a wet and smiling Jungkook, strands of his wet black hair almost covering his eyes as he runs the dark blue towel across it. He’s laughing at whatever joke had been said by the person behind him and you could see his eyes crinkle, the dimples that you had missed. 

You hadn’t seen the younger man in the last four years, he had grown into a good looking man with boyish looks that still screamed ‘bunny’ — you felt your heart ache as tears threatened to fall. 

“Why is everyone so quiet?” Jungkook speaks out, finding it weird his friends weren’t causing another ruckus. “You guys are usually so loud that my neighbors complain all the time.” He continues, his back to you as he peers into the kitchen. “Stop being quiet, it’s creeping me out” Jungkook mumbles to himself, only then noticing the way Jin was looking at him, biting his lip nervously as the older continues to glance into the living room. “What’s going on?” He smiles nervously. “Did you guys break something?” 

His smile drops as his eyes finally meet yours, his heart beating a mile a minute as he sees someone he never expected to see again in his life. Hoped to never see again… “(Y/N)?”

“Hey, Jungkook. Long time no see.” You wave at him almost sheepishly, feeling your hands sweating as his gaze hardens as he finally takes you in. 

“Sorry, Y/n. You have to see the new kid playing~ Kookie, come here,” Hoseok praises pulling the youngster by his shoulder, “We’ll need the budget for travel this season!”

“You can’t just say these things, Hoseok,” Namjoon steps in, “You need to go to the council’s room with the team’s committee so we can discuss it.”

“What for?” Hoseok complains, “All of those things with signing papers and writing reports … You know-”

“Bureaucracy?” You try.

“Yeah, that,” Hoseok points at you, “It’s annoying. Can’t you just get things going for us? Huh?” Hoseok insists while walking away, “Just do that for us. Right, Joon?”

“It’s Namjoon. Kim Namjoon.” He corrects.

“I’ll leave it to you, Joonie-ah~.” Hoseok adds, ignoring what Namjoon just said. “I’ll go by your place with that new game I told you before!” He half-screams, walking away with the others.

“I don’t think I’ll have ti-” Namjoon tries saying, but Hoseok doesn’t wait for an answer and go his way, oblivious to anyone as they walk down the hallway, forcing their way through without a care.

“They’d have walked all over me, quite literally,” you look back at Namjoon.

“I wouldn’t let that happen,” Namjoon says with a chuckle.

The sound of the bell ringing gets everyone moving into the classrooms, you and Namjoon walk in as well. The two of you take your seats as the teacher walks in.

“Everyone, sit down!” The teacher rushes to set his stuff on his desk as he watches the class doing the same, “We have a new student-,” he looks at the door and signaled to whoever was waiting outside, “Come on in-”

The class watches as the boy walks in wearing an oversized yellow hoodie, one of his hands unnecessarily holding to the strap of his backpack, dangling from his one shoulder. There’s not much that could be seen from his face, his disheveled, black hair is too long and falling over his eyes.

“This is Kim Taehyung,” the teacher says, patting Taehyung’s shoulder, “Some of you might know him already as a neighbor or from middle school. He’s been transferred to our school and I hope you guys can help him out with what he’s been missing.” The man concludes before turning to look down at Taehyung, “Would you like to say anything, Mr. Kim?”

“Not really.” Taehyung says, dismissively.

“In this case, take an empty seat,” the teacher lightly pushes Taehyung to his seat and he seems unfazed by the pairs of eyes that try to follow him secretly as he walks between the rows. You try not to look, though you can’t help but the gossiping whispers around you as the teacher starts his lecture.

“I heard he just came back from a reformatory,” someone whispers behind you.

“Yeah, I know. He’s the one who set the abandoned house on fire last Halloween along with his friends,” someone else replies, “Yoongi’s still there, right?”

“I heard he’s gonna stay there for another year or so,” another says.

“I wish they won’t send him here too~ I don’t want to be in the same room as these delinquents,” someone whispers louder than the others.

The teacher demands attention and everyone stops talking, although you can see them exchanging notes. You glance at Namjoon who’s focused on the lecture, as always. You try to do the same, but you feel a little chill burning your skin, instead of running cold as it’d usually be, the feeling of goosebumps at the back of your neck, as if you’re being watched. It makes it impossible for you to focus on whatever the teacher’s saying. You gulp down, trying to keep yourself in check and ignore the instigating sensation that looms over you; Namjoon seems to pick up on your unusual behavior and looks at you with a frown.

“Hey,” he calls in a whisper, “are you okay?”

“Huh? Uhm. Sure. Yeah, I’m okay,”  you reply, stuttering your words.

“Are you sure?” He insists, leaning further in towards you with a concern expression.

“I’m fine. Don’t worry,”  you try yet again, nodding to seem more sure of yourself, but Namjoon doesn’t seem to buy it.

Namjoon pulls back to sit up straight, still unsure of your response, but something else caught his attention and he looks to the back rows. You follow his eyes to find Taehyung unapologetic-ally looking at you. You find yourself mesmerized by the mischievous glint in his eyes and the way his lips part in the most breathtaking smirk you’ve seen. Your other classmates seem puzzled, looking back and forth between you and him and the heat in your cheeks makes you snap back to reality, your eyes grows two sizes and a silent gasp leave your lips once you notice all the eyes set on you before turning back to your desk and stare at your notebook with almost no notes taken from the class.

“Y/n-,” whatever Namjoon would say next is cut off by the teacher who calls out to everyone and for once in a lifetime, he includes you and Namjoon as well, looking very much disappointed by having to do so. You could tell by his tone, not being brave enough to look up at him - or anyone else just yet.

As soon as the bell rings once again you’re quick to collect your things to leave, but the teacher stops you from doing so. Calling you and Namjoon.

“The two of you are the responsible for the school’s council, make sure Taehyung knows the way around, okay? Give him a chance.” Although the teacher’s words are supposed to sound caring and worried, there’s nothing of it in his tone.

You sigh.

“Yes, sir.” You and Namjoon, replies in unison.

“Good.” The man concludes before leaving.

You and Namjoon exchange a knowing look before turning around. Taehyung already left.

“C’mon, we have to find him,” you mutter under your breath to Namjoon who seems as willing as you to do this task.

The two of you push your way past the messy crowd, you see a glimpse of Taehyung in the crowd. His messy hair and the yellow, oversized hoodie. Despite not being very keen to do the task in hand, this is one of the duties the two of you have in hand and being the goody-two-shoes everyone knows you and Namjoon for, of course, you both have to go through this.

“Wait- Y/n!” Namjoon tries calling you as the two of you bump into other students, “This way,” he takes your wrist and pulls you towards another way that seems less crowded, both of you trying to stumble your way past to Taehyung, but somehow you both lose sight of him. You let out a short breath and look back at Namjoon, both of you panting the slightest.

“Sorry,” you grimace and Namjoon shakes his head dismissively.

“It’s okay,” Namjoon says, his eyes still scanning the crowd.

You look down and Namjoon does the same, only now the two of you notice that you’re holding hands, you pull back and both of you look away.

“I- I have literature now,” Namjoon stutters, unable to look at you.

“I have chemistry-” you reply a second too late.

“Th-Then- See you later,” Namjoon says flustered as both of you go different ways.

***

“This is your first day, Mr. Kim!” You hear the principal’s exasperated tone when you walk in his secretary’s office to hand some papers.

“The principal’s busy at the moment,” she tells you in her usual professional monotone.

“I’ll wait,” you reply and walk to one of the plastic seats.

The door’s open and you can see Taehyung’s sitting on that chair across the principal completely disregarding the other’s position or whatever the man’s saying. He’s not even looking at the principal, just passively listening so he can go back as soon as the talk is done. His backpack is slumped on the floor next to his seat, his body relaxed as he leans on the backrest all his weight.

“We are giving you a second chance,” the man preaches on, “We believe in you, but you have to make it work for yourself, Mr, Kim.” Taehyung couldn’t seem any less interested in the principal’s speech as the man rambles on, “Because is your first day I’m letting you off with only a warning, but the next time I’m afraid you’ll be sent to detention, young man.” The principal warns, “If you think the regular academics is too uninteresting try balancing out with something that interests you,” you see the principal placing a few flyers on the table in front of Taehyung, “You could join one of our sport’s teams, or any other club such as this one. See? If you like those Chinese cartoons, that is,” the principal says deprecatingly, “Joining one of these might be very important for when you start thinking about college next year-”

“I’m not interested,” Taehyung’s deep voice is low, but clear to you. The man stops talking with his lips parted, ready to go on with this speech, “If that’s all, I’ll leave,” the boy says, uncaring.

Taehyung picks his backpack from the floor, pushing himself off his seat as the principal looks at him, visibly feeling contradicted and wronged. You pretend to look at the papers on your lap as you see Taehyung walking out of the principal’s office; with the corner of your eyes you see him walking out and the principal takes a second to himself before calling you in. The man greets you with a patronizing smile on his face as you greet him respectfully.

***

The meeting between you and the principal would take a short while, but it’s cut even shorter when his secretary rushes into his office.

“Taehyung and Namjoon are fighting!” She pants and the man bolts out of his seat much like yourself.

Namjoon? Fighting? It’s something beyond disbelief. The principal stumbles on his feet, on his chair, on his desk and you struggle with your belongings as you rush behind. Everyone in school rushes to see the most unbelievable scene. Not because of Taehyung, but because of Namjoon. Kim Namjoon is the perfect student, much like yourself, not one single demerit, not a single stain in his life as a student. So, it doesn’t come as a surprise to anyone to see that the fight is a confusing mess on Namjoon’s part.

The principal rushes to push them apart, immediately attending to Namjoon who’s mostly hurt and having Hoseok and take him to the nurse’s office, his preoccupation expression shifts into anger once he looks at Taehyung who’s worked up, panting, hands tightly closed into fists as he glares at Namjoon being carried away by some of the football players, still in their training clothes.

“I warned you, Mr. Kim.” The principal’s voice trembles in anger as he tries his composure, “I can’t let you off with just a warning this time, you’ll stay in detention after class and I hope you can reflect on your behavior and your future as well.”

You look at Taehyung to see him chewing on the inside of his cheek and looking away, nowhere in particular. When he storms off his eyes meets yours and for a moment you think you saw hurt in them, but it’s too fast to make any judgement.

“Miss Y/n,” you stop in your tracks from going after Namjoon, “I understand that you might be worried about your friend, but I’d like to ask you a favor.” He speaks condescendingly.

***

From all the things the principal would ask you, you wish he wouldn’t assign you this task. You hug your books close to your chest and take in a deep breath before knocking on the door to the classroom assigned to detention. The teacher swings the door open and seems relieved to see you.

“Miss Y/n,” the woman greets, “The principal told me you’d be here. Come in.”

“Excuse me,” you walk in politely and the teacher let’s the door close.

“The usual rules are written on the board, I know you’ve never been in detention so you’re not familiar with them,” the says as you read over the rules on the white board.

DURING DETENTION

Rule #01 : You are not allowed talk;Rule #02 : You are not allowed to use phones;Rule #03 : You are not allowed to play portable games; Rule #04 : You are not allowed to eat or drink (unless you have written permission to do so);Rule #05 : You may not leave the room without the teacher’s permission;Rule #06 : You may not write on the board;Rule #07 : You may not draw, read, write anything that isn’t demanded by the teacher assigned;Rule #08 : Write down the cause for you to be here;

“I’ll be back every once in a while to check on you.” She says while picking her bag to leave.

“Yes.” You reply simply.

“Mr. Kim, I hope you can take your colleague’s effort into consideration.” She tells him before leaving and yet Taehyung doesn’t even bother to glance at her, tonguing the teeth at the back of his mouth distractedly.

You sigh as the door closes and you’re left alone with Taehyung. Slumped back on his seat, one row short of being the back row, Taehyung has his hands tucked inside the front pockets of his oversize hoodie, his legs stretched out under the desk and between rows.

You take careful steps towards Taehyung, gulping down dryly when the tip of his tongue sticks out while he smirks in a way that looks offensive. You’ve heard enough about the infamous Taehyung to know that he likes to mess around with everything and anyone if he has the chance to. Holding your chin up, you’re more than decided to shield yourself from being one of his playthings just so he can entertain himself for the time being.

“Hello,” you greet awkwardly and Taehyung snickered at you, raising his head just slightly so you can see the glint of his eyes trained on you, making you feel uncomfortable. “The principal is worried about your behavior. He seems to think that the latest nuances in your personal and academic lives might influence the recklessness that you display. So, he-,” you clear your throat, feeling uneasy with the dismissive intensity he looks at you as you speak.

You decide to use the desk beside him and busy yourself in setting your books and backpack before trying to speak to him, but Taehyung’s quick to move to the desk in front of yours. Straddling the chair to face you.

“What are you doing?” You ask, seeing him, rest his chin on his arms resting the chair’s backrest. He shrugs, looking up at you rather innocently with a half-smile.

“You’re here to teach me, right? So, isn’t it better if I sit closer to you?”

“I was thinking about placing my desk next to yours-”

“Uhm- I think this is much better”

You wish he wouldn’t make it so obvious the way his eyes slide down your features to focus on your lips. You became overly conscious of the way you talked, you can’t quite understand the feeling of your lips tingling, but subconsciously your eyes find their way to Taehyung’s lips, they’re slightly parted. You try not to, but find yourself licking your lips pressing them together in a thin line.

“The principal assigned me to tutor you and make sure you’ll be able to catch on to what the rest of the school is. If you perform better at school, you won’t feel alienated during classes, it might help you get closer to other students and-”

You would go on about the principal’s words and proposition, but Taehyung’s blunt interruption steals the words from your lips.

“You look like an adorable kitten,” you hear Taehyung’s deep voice faintly while you’re battling yourself to find the right words.

Your lips form a distinguishable shape of a gasp, though no a sound or gust of air passes from them; you just wish the sudden realization of his words didn’t make your face heat up, you’re absolutely sure your face is tinted in a shade of pink at the moment.

“I- Wha-what?” You manage to speak, oh-so-articulated.

Taehyung smiles, his head held up to look straight at you this time. He pulls on his lower lip, folding his arms over his stomach, seeming relaxed and laid back as he tilts his head, seemingly proud of himself.

“I said, you look like a-,” you rush to stop him.

“Don’t say it!” You blurt it out and he chuckles, amused.

“Why? You’re the one who asked me what I said, didn’t you? Kitten.”

“Don’t call me that!” Your heart is hammering in your chest, your skin’s trembling weirdly and that’s how you know you just can’t stand Kim Taehyung. “ I’d appreciate if you didn’t call me-”

“Kitten?” He smiles mischievously, raising his eyebrows in a rather innocent expression. “Well, I just wanted to get some kind of response from you. Besides-,” you don’t notice him moving, but you can feel his breath on your ear as he leans

“I’m here to tutor you,” You impose yourself, running out of patience and not too prone to endure Taehyung’s smug attitude towards you. “But, since you’re not interested-” you pick up your stuff, ready to leave.

“No, wait!” Taehyung jolts and stops you with his hands on your shoulders. Cracking what he thinks to be a friendlier smile, he swiftly takes the books from you and sets on the desk yet again, “I won’t call you that again. I’m sorry”

It’s not that you do believe his smile or the way he looks at you, but you promised the principal you’d tutor him. It’s a task you got from him and you wouldn’t simply walk away from a responsibility.

“My name is Y/n, by the way.”

“Y/n, everyone knows you. Even the kids from the wrong side of the tracks,” Taehyung says ever so simply, but you can tell there’s something there, in his tone that you can’t just figure it out. “But~,” Taehyung half-sang provocatively,, “calling you kitten sounds better to me~.” He pauses and you stand there, mouth agape in disbelief, “You look absolutely adorable when you blush like this, kitten”

Him. Kim Taehyung. He’s absolutely…. Utterly impossible to deal with. You gaped at him, your face twisted in complete bewilderment; you take in a deep gush of air through your lips, ready to say something to this, any sort of protest or something, but there are no words. Quite literally, there are no words that you could possibly say to this and you rather say nothing than sound absolutely immature or vulgar.

Taehyung watches you pick up your books and spin on your heels and his facade drops as you storm off out of the classroom, being quick to his feet, you hear his shoes squeaking and the chairs and desks scraping harshly against the floor as Taehyung pushes through them to get to you. When he’s in front of you, trying to stop you with hands on your shoulders, his expression is different.

“I’m sorry,” he half-smiles, “I was just messing with you, I didn’t think you’d be so angry at me,” Taehyung frowns, no longer looking at you with that- that disgusting smirk.

“The way you’re behaving towards me is inappropriate, unacceptable even-” you say.

“I know, I know,” Taehyung says soothingly, “I’m sorry. I was just messing with you. Like you said, right? I just need to adjust. All I need is tutoring me about all the academics~, you know, and then I’ll feel like part of the crowd.”

“I didn’t say that,” you correct him straight away.

“You did,” Taehyung insists with all his playfulness.

“No, I didn’t.” You persist, “I just said what the principal believes in. I, on the other hand, don’t think that’s the case.”

Taehyung steps back, looking at you suspiciously.

“You don’t?” He asks.

“I honestly think that you must have other interests. Not everyone excels in academics or is interested in being good at it, as far as I’ve heard, you’ve never seemed interested in your academic life before-,” you speak up and Taehyung cuts your speech short.

“So, you’re the type to believe in everything others say, Y/n?”

“No!” You cry out in protest, “But your behavior also sustains my theory.”

“My behavior?”

“Yes, you’re a delinquent.”

“I- Whoa! That’s harsh,” Taehyung says accusingly. “I can’t believe you’d say this-,” he pulls his hands from you as if he’s been burned.

Your lips part, but you can’t find words yet again. Why does this keep happening? Taehyung steps away from you, making his way back to his desk.

“Well, I didn’t think you cared-,” you try, feeling guilty for always being so dense. “Everyone calls you a delinquent, you’ve been to the reformatory and have a criminal record.” You rationalize, “I think delinquent seems to be the proper term to-”

“Of course you do.” Taehyung says under his breath as he throws his backpack over his shoulder.

In a weird twist of things now, he’s the one leaving the room and you watch him walk past you until you look around and your eyes scan the rules written on the board. You jolt towards him, fighting off the weight that makes you slower than usual. You manage to grip on his sleeve.

“Wait,” not being able to stop your feet from taking another step when Taehyung stops when you bump into him and the books you’ve been holding fall on the floor, “You can’t leave detention!” Taehyung rolls his eyes, pulling his lips sideways in disdain. “It’s one of the rules,” you point at the blackboard, “See? Rule number five, you may not leave the room without the teacher’s permission,” you recite.

“She doesn’t care, Y/n.” Taehyung says, letting out a sight as he looks down and crunches to pick the books you dropped.

“Of course she cares!” You protest and Taehyung chuckles to himself as he piles the books in his arms, “The principal cares too, that’s why they’re doing this. For your own good!”

“Yeah, right.” Taehyung looks at you, “Look, thanks for showing up and doing as you’ve been told like the golden child you are, but I’m a lost cause.”

Taehyung stands up and you follow shortly after him, watching him place the pile of books on the desk that is nearby.

“You shouldn’t be bothered.”

You didn't want to go in. As much as that was your duty, and as much as you promised your brother Jungkook that you would do that, you did not want to enter the inn. Just looking at the rustic facade, beautifully decorated for the festivities, made your heart clench and you relive the cries of that fateful night.

When Jungkook asked you to do that inspection, you listed all the reasons you remembered and didn't remember to see if he changed his mind and sent someone else in your place. But it was Christmas Eve and everyone was home, celebrating the date with their families, including Jungkook. You even tried to make the inspection after Christmas, but even you knew it wouldn't work since you were postponing that inspection for 3 years.

So here you were standing in front of the only place in the world you were not ready to enter.

"Miss Jeon?" You heard someone call beside you and turned to see who it was.

The man standing with a shovel in his hand opened his eyes wide, showing that he was surprised by your presence. But you were also surprised to recognize the man, even after 8 years.

"Mr. Kim?" You asked, approaching the man and removing your glove to shake his bare hand. You smiled as you remembered Mr. Kim's habit of always removing snow from the inn passage without the gloves, which slowed him down because he didn't feel the tool right in his hands. "I didn't think you were still working here," you said.

Grinning, he reached out and took your hand, his grip as strong and firm as eight years ago.

"You will find that little has changed since you left," he replied.

"The facade is still the same," you agreed, returning back to the entrance of the inn that had once been your home.

"Let's go in, kid," he called, stepping forward and up the front steps of the inn. "You'll freeze if you stay out here for too long."

You did what he said. You had to do that even if you weren't ready to go back to that place. So it was better to pull the bandage at once and hope that the wound wouldn't bleed again.

Mr. Kim opened the door for you, and as soon as you set foot inside the inn, you felt as if you were traveling back in time. It wasn't just the outside that remained the same, the inside as well. Even the ornaments you thought would be worn and discarded were in place, just as when you and Jungkook lived there with your parents.

Trying not to think about that memory, you swallowed hard and headed for the reception desk along with Mr. Kim, who put the shovel behind the counter and told you he would look for the manager, leaving you alone.

You couldn't resist looking around. That inn had been your home in childhood and adolescence, and also for a year after you became an adult. You might be expected to feel bad about entering, mainly because of the memory responsible for your absence from that place, but you were actually feeling at home, as you had never felt in Seoul.

“Y/N?”

You tensed your spine at that voice. Suddenly all memories of the house, the tragedy, and the years after that disappeared, leaving only one memory instead. A warm, loving smile that reached into the brown eyes, making them smile along with the thick-lipped mouth.

You turned slowly back to the counter and found the owner of the smile that flooded your mind. But this time, Jimin wasn't smiling. He was watching you with his head bowed slightly, his expression neutral, showing no emotion at seeing you.

"Hello," was all you could say.

You didn't realize Jimin had become the new manager of the inn. If you had known, that would have been one more reason why you would try to postpone the inspection. Even so, nothing could be done now, since you were standing there facing him in the place you had so badly wanted to avoid.

"Jungkook said someone would come to do the inspection," he continued, still showing no emotion at seeing you again. That made you more disappointed than sad. You could expect anger, resentment, disdain, but you could never expect indifference.

That's what you get for abandoning a love for so long, a voice in your head accused you.

"But I didn't think it was going to be you," he added. Then he smiled. That smile you remembered, and even though you had only just discovered it, the smile you missed so much. As before, the smile easily reached the eyes. "Good to see you again."

You blinked, trying to reorder the thoughts that had turned to smoke when you saw that smile. You cleared your throat and then said, "It's good to see you too."

At that moment you noticed. Quickly, in a brief second, when Jimin tilted his head again and looked into your eyes, you could see the sorrow.

"Is it?" He asked, still smiling.

Taking a deep breath, you simply nodded. Then you looked around, trying to ignore what Jimin was doing to you.

"I see you left everything as before," you said, trying to change the subject to what had brought you there. Jimin was one more reason for you to do that inspection quickly and get out of there.

"Yes," he replied, even though he knew you had not asked a question, but made an observation. “The old manager told me it should be like this and Jungkook specifically asked me that. But even if no one had asked me, I would have done so. I like the look and the traditions.”

"I didn't know you were the new manager," you commented, still trying not to look at him, but couldn't help but do so when he fell silent.

Jimin agreed as soon as you turned back to look at him, then said, "I hear you haven't heard anything about this place since you went to Seoul."

“I still heard some news,” you felt you needed to defend yourself, but the truth was he wasn't wrong, you really didn't want to know anything about the inn your parents left for you and your brother.

"Only that management had changed," he added for you.

You were responsible for all inspections of your brother's property, including the inn. You had a partner, someone who did the inspections with you and who was responsible for the inn inspections since you moved. But this partner of yours had resigned, leaving that responsibility to you. Even though you had postponed doing that for so long, you knew this day would come.

"And that everything is still working very well," you reinforced. You wanted Jimin to know that you knew he was doing a good job.

“So we were without inspection for three years?” He asked, and the cheerful smile distorted a little, showing that his sense of humor hadn't changed either. You thanked God for that, because it made the mood lighter among you.

"I wanted to give you some time before you face a slightly roughneck inspector," you replied, joking too.

"Then I should strive to make everything look perfect," he replied, stepping out from behind the counter. Where would you like to start?"

"How about the kitchen?"

Jimin narrowed his eyes and came very close to you. 

"Your stomach always spoke louder," he whispered. And as if it'd been called into the conversation, your stomach made a loud noise. That made Jimin laugh before walking away from you and heading toward the kitchen.

Before you followed him, you grimaced at your own belly, wishing Jimin wasn't around so you could reprimand your stomach. Weren't butterflies enough? Did it still have to talk to Jimin? Hadn't any part of your body missed him?

It was the smell that changed the course of your thoughts. If the sight of the inn with the same decorations as when you were younger or the sight of Mr. Kim doing his usual chores hadn't made you feel at home, the smell of Mrs. Jung's delicacies certainly did the job.

Looking around the kitchen, you could see the finely decorated gingerbreads, the appetizing cakes and pies, the jars of natural juice and the oven-ready Christmas turkey. That sight brought tears to your eyes and a smile to your face.

"Oh my God," the exclamation caught your eye and you turned to look at Mrs. Jung, who was pulling another batch of gingerbread out of the oven. “When Mr. Kim told me you were here, I couldn't believe it. I thought it was another joke of that old fool. But it's true. Our little Y/N has come home!”

Dropping the tray on the counter, Mrs. Jung ran to you and wrapped you in a tight hug. It had been so long since you had been hugged with such enthusiasm that the tears accumulated by the memory of that lady's smell of food eventually spilled.

"Oh my dear," Mrs. Jung said as she pulled back to look at you closely, then wiped the tears from your cheeks as she continued to speak as if you were never gone and were still the little platter stealing her candy. "I'm very happy to see you too."

“I missed you, Mrs. Jung,” you confessed, knowing deeply that missing them had been the worst part of leaving.

"You're here now," the woman said, hugging you again. "There's no reason to cry."

When you walked away, your gaze went straight to Jimin, who was watching you with that neutral expression again, as if he didn't want you to know what he thought of all that.

Wasting no time and also wanting to relive the memories, Mrs. Jung took a portion of gingerbreads and placed them on a plate so you could taste them. That was becoming the best inspection you had ever done.

After half an hour, you and Jimin finally managed to get rid of Mrs. Jung and you two went to the second floor. Not without her leaving another plate in your hand, this time with a piece of every pie she'd made.

“You're not going into this room with a plate of food in your hands,” once again the voice that caught your attention startled you and made you nostalgic. "Even though you own the place."

As you turned to the bedroom door in front of the one you were ready to enter with Jimin, you smiled. Lisa hadn't changed a thing in the eight years you didn't see her. She was still the same red-haired, easy-smiling girl you called a friend.

Of all the people in that place, she was the only one you had been in contact with. It was at her urging, of course, as she nearly shot Jungkook for him to give her your new phone number. Still, it was great to still have her as a friend, even at a distance.

“The good daughter makes it home,” Lisa said as she walked with open arms to you. Without thinking twice, you forgot the pie you were tasting and hugged your friend you haven't seen for so long. "Just so you know, he knows we kept in touch," she whispered in your ear, making your eyes go straight to Jimin, who continued with the neutral expression you didn't like.

You walked away and you looked back at Lisa, who you smiled at. You hoped Lisa would fill you with questions about your trip and help you keep the mood light even with Jimin's presence, but all she did was send Jimin back to work and say she could take care of you.

As much as his presence was making you nervous, you felt your heart tighten as he simply nodded and left you alone with Lisa to look around the rooms.

“Where are the guests?” You asked when you and Lisa entered the third empty room.

“Jimin knew the inspector would come today, so he arranged a trip to the village with all the guests. That would make it easier for you to do the inspection.” Lisa answered.

"Did he know I was the inspector?" You couldn't hold back the question as you watched the spotlessly clean and tidy room.

"Jungkook also kept him in the dark, you know," Lisa replied, drawing your attention to her, who was removing invisible dirt from one of the pillows. "As much as you didn't know anything about the inn and Jimin, Jimin knew nothing about you and Seoul."

"How is that possible? They are still friends.”

“The best, from what I hear. But your brother always wanted to stay true to your wishes. That's also why he never asked you to come back here until today.”

"Then why did he insist that I come?"

Lisa stopped inspecting the room with you and looked into your eyes. Then she came over and took your hands.

"I think he saw the same thing I always heard in your voice when talking to you over the phone," she replied. "Jungkook saw how much you needed to find the Christmas spirit within you."

"I don't want the Christmas spirit and I certainly don't want it here," you snapped.

But that was not true. You really thought you didn't want to remember Christmas more than you needed, but when you arrived at that inn and relived many things from your childhood, you realized that finding the Christmas spirit might not be that bad.

"Maybe you should finish the inspection and go back to Seoul then." It wasn't Lisa who answered, as you expected. It was Jimin, who was standing in the bedroom door with the same neutral expression on his face. But once again you saw the sorrow in the brown eyes for a second.

You didn't want to admit it, but hearing that from Jimin hurt you too. However, you should not expect him to ask you to stay. In eight years, he had never tried to convince you to come back. Even when you decided to leave, Jimin didn't insist that you stay. And when you left, you promised yourself that you would not look back, for that would only bring sadness.

"I think you can see that the rooms are spotless," he added.

"I hear she makes a point of inspecting every room of the places she goes," Lisa said, trying to help you through that awkward moment. But you also wanted to get it over with.

"I know everyone is doing their best, so I think I can accept these three rooms as an example of your good work," you said, leaving the room with Jimin.

"Will you at least stay for lunch?" Lisa asked as she watched you and Jimin return to the stairs.

"I have to be in Seoul early tomorrow, so I should leave as soon as I'm done."

"She doesn't want to stay, Lisa," Jimin said, but didn't look at you, just at your friend. “She didn't even want to come. So let's let her do her job and say goodbye.”

Lisa didn't answer, just sighed and nodded before looking at you and raising her eyebrows in a silent question. You didn't want to answer either, though. You knew everyone was wondering if you and Jimin would end up talking about everything. But you didn't want that to happen, you just wanted to end that visit to the past right away.

The rest of the inspection went pretty fast, with Jimin taking you through the inn's rooms and you just watching everything and writing down what you needed to put in the report. But you weren't really taking notes. You were so aware of Jimin's presence in every room of this inn that you couldn't think of work.

It was only when you arrived at the stable that you decided it was time to kick the elephant out of the room.

"Jimin," you called, stopping him from opening the door for you to look at the place.

He turned to you with raised eyebrows and neutral expression from before. It wasn't making you sad anymore, it was pissing you off. How could he be so indifferent to your presence?

"Aren't you bothered that I'm here?" The question came out before you could think of asking it.

Jimin frowned and watched you for another minute before opening the door behind him and entering the stable without answering you. That made you even angrier.

"Don't you mind that I came to do this work?" You asked as you walked behind him.

Inside, everything was very hot, as if it wasn't starting to snow outside. This was the only place that had changed in the entire inn. What was once a stable was now a storehouse, mostly of firewood and coal.

“As you can see, only this place has changed,” he said, answered your surprise but not your question. “The horses got old and needed to be sacrificed. Money was short and horse values were high, so we need to save money and forget about this little detail of the inn. But we made good use of the place, storing the wood so no one would have to brave the cold to keep the house warm.”

"Yes, I can see it," you agreed as you looked around.

When you turned to Jimin again, he was standing behind the closed door, looking at you.

"You didn't answer me," you insisted, stopping in front of Jimin. If you needed to work it out, it better be done sooner than later.

"I'm not bothered that you are here," he finally answered. “And I don't mind that you came. Like I said when we met earlier, it's good to see you again.”

You stood there waiting for him to continue, for him to tell you what he was thinking and feeling, as he used to do when you were younger and together. But Jimin said nothing more, just stared at you.

"That’s it?" You whispered, then cleared your throat and repeated the question. You didn't want to admit it, but Jimin's lack of eloquence was bothering you more than his neutral expression.

But suddenly everything changed. Jimin frowned and took a step toward you. You were so surprised you stepped back.

"What did you expect me to say?" He asked, this time advancing more than one step and backing you to the point of nearly knocking over a pile of freshly cut wood. Even so, jimin didn't stop until he was inches away from you. “What did you expect me to say, Y/N? Did you expect me to be upset? That I'd scream and kick you out? Or did you expect me to cry and get on my knees so you won't leave again?”

"I..." You couldn't finish it, you were too focused on the thick lips that formed the words spoken to make you feel bad. You were more focused on the mouth than the words, in fact.

"What do you want me to say?” He continued, “Want me to ask you what life was like in Seoul? Want me to show interest in the girl who left me or in the woman who came back for just a second? Do you think you were the only one who tried to forget? Do you think you were the only one who suffered from everything that happened?”

“No. I…” Once again you couldn't finish it. The words didn't hurt you but puzzled you. You had never really thought about the suffering of others, only yours and Jungkook's. You just wanted the pain to pass.

But it was never gone. You had never forgotten or felt better. Being away from that place hadn't changed a thing. But being there, with all the people you loved (or nearly all of them since Jungkook had stayed in Seoul with his girlfriend), was changing everything. You needed to tell Jimin that, but he didn't seem too willing to hear you.

"You weren't the only one who suffered, Y/N," he said. Then he put his hands on your face, framing it delicately. “Your parents were very important to me too. Jungkook was my best friend. And you were… Your are..."

Jimin swallowed hard as you saw the accumulated sorrow in his eyes that used to smile as much as his lips. Without thinking, you put one hand over his hand on your cheek and put your other hand over his chest, feeling the throbbing beat. As soon as you realized that Jimin was as affected by the reunion as you were, the words came out easily.

"I’m so sorry. I just wanted to get away and think and try to feel something again. When the accident happened… When my parents died, I felt like I had gone numb. It was as if no feeling could reach me. So I needed to try to forget what had happened to feel something, anything, again.”

That made Jimin back off, ending any physical contact between you.

“I went to Seoul with the intention of running away from what I wasn't feeling,” you continued, because you needed to explain to him why you had abandoned him… And why you still missed him. "But it didn't work. I spent eight years away from here, away from everyone, away from you. But it did not work. I tried to run away to feel something again, but all I could feel was longing. So when I noticed that, I was afraid. If I came back, what would happen? Would I be numb again? Would I even stop missing you? But I was wrong, Jimin. It was just getting here for me to realize that. And I'm so sorry it took so long.”

Jimin stared at you in silence, without interrupting or expressing any reaction. Then, suddenly, he advanced toward you again. Nonstop a few inches this time, Jimin held your face in his hands and sticked your mouths in a deep, hungry kiss. Eight years of longing and torment were laid in that kiss, as if one could never be satisfied with the other.

"Stay with me," Jimin said then, when you managed to stop kissing for a second. He kept his forehead to yours and looked into your eyes, where you could see everything you had ever loved and that you still loved. “Stay here today, at least tonight. Spend Christmas with me... with us. Let me show you how much we miss you too.”

"I..."

When you couldn't finish what you were going to say, Jimin kissed you again, but greedily this time. He had already lost you once, he wouldn't lose you again.

"I couldn't come looking for you," he confessed, surprising you. “Jungkook said you needed time, so I gave you all the time you needed. When I was giving up, when I was about to go to Seoul to look for you, the manager retired and Jungkook asked me to keep the inn. I was going to say no, but he said I needed to keep the inn running as usual for when you come, for when you come back. I don't think he's ever played so dirty in his life, but it worked out great, and I stayed and gave you more time. When you showed up here today, I knew I needed to let you go fast or I would never let you go again.” He kissed you for the third time. A kiss that was so much more than the first two. He didn't just want to stop missing your kisses or to beg you to stay, Jimin wanted to dry your tears and erase all your sadness. "If you want to leave, you have to go now, or I won't be able to give you more time."

You didn't need to think anymore. Since you saw him that morning and all the time you spent with him going around the place you loved and missed the most, you threw your arms around Jimin's neck and kissed him too. You didn't want to leave. As much as you didn't think you were ready for that, living there with him was all you wanted most.

"I don't need more time," you answered. "Don't let me go again."

Smiling, Jimin dropped his hands from your face and grabbed your waist, pulling you against his body.