#misunderstand yourself

from Ecce Homo: How One Becomes What One Is by Friedrich Nietzsche (1888)

There is an activity within creation of discovering the unknown it’s probably my favorite part of being human. What do I do with the known and unknown? The two abstractions make contrast. What settles on the floor between a basement and ground level? I’ve craft a new longing of my soul. The construction of envelope into package. Pieces of my interests inside. Pieces of myself. The most attractive vehicle for relationships is distance. I am not present— the other is not present (physical) Physical: The parts that constitute identity, that which lives outside of the self for the other (with the exception of extremities for now) I have never felt so relaxed, excited, prospective, or pleased with the thought of potential. I always cracked under the negativity that shrouded past possibilities. Why did it take me 26 years to reverse this logic? Things I can do and want to do are not that far away. I see now how patience is also desire. Letting go of apprehension but rather gripping carefully in slow motion. I looked at  photos that would have damaged me a few months ago, now feel nothing. I look forward in a cynical way (a wrong way) that she will realize just what she lost as she loses a final straw. I respect myself and that is so important. What actually appeared to me quite recent is that poetry and poetry writing is not a vocation, it’s merely the embodiment of _____ vocation and further of life. Tomorrow is summer solstice (the most light) then darkness creeps slow back into fall. Summer will be gone before I know it. LAX. Must graduate must finish this former life. I think I’ll throw a dart at a world map soon and buy a one way plane ticket. A figment of my ideal. Am I just the same or is it actually possible?