#misswhathello

i drew the OG trio, raven fire and gray

(part 2) Qui-gon has the AUDACITY to fight to get this random kid to be trained- when obi-wan, his OWN apprentice, had to prove himself over and over and over and OVER to even get the chanvce to be trained? that must have hurt so much, i won’t believe that obi-wan never felt betrayed by that. even after qui-gon’s death, in the midst of his grief, i’d bet you 100000$ he was just a bit vindicated- and most likely felt guilty BECAUSE of that. i love obi-wan sm he doesnt deserve all this shit

I mean, I actually think this is something Anakin and Obi-wan could have bonded over. 

Qui-gon was always going to be Qui-gon - the man is a little flighty, a little detached, and had a whole host of issues regrading Xanatos (and probably Dooku, as well, considering his former master a) had left the Order and b) was probably a difficult person to train with) in the lead-up to his acceptance of Obi-wan as a Padawan. He is an incredibly flawed character, and I think the way he handled the whole Obi-wan/Anakin situation just highlighted that. I think he meant well, but he had moments where he just didn’t...think outside himself or his connection to the Force. 

And yeah, Qui-gon was kind of a jerk in the Council room with Anakin. (Okay, he was a pretty big jerk, to be honest.) But the rest of the Council was really, really not into taking Anakin on to the point where Obi-wan had to pull “my Master’s dying wish” card to get them to accept Anakin into the Order. So Anakin’s beginnings were not all that great, and let’s face it - Obi-wan was a 20-something grieving his father figure (who he likely had a whole host of unresolved issues with) and had just agreed to train “the Chosen One” after being the first Jedi to kill a Sith in how long and just...wow. My mid-20s ass would not have been able to handle that, and I’m sure that was a very large underlying issue in their relationship - I don’t blame either one of them for feeling defensive, given the situation. (Not to mention that Anakin was older, was different, and had that damn title of the “Chosen One” hanging over his head and no one should have ever, ever mentioned that to him and that was a massive failing of the Jedi Order, in my opinion. And ffs, he was a former slave! Yikes!)

Anyway, we don’t have a ton of material of Obi-wan and Anakin’s early days, but I’m willing to bet good (fake) money that Obi-wan wasn’t so forthcoming about his own tumultuous beginnings with the Order. It would have been good for both of them - for Obi-wan to voice his distress and just...get it out there - and for Anakin to know that Qui-gon was a very imperfect human being. 

But yes, to get back to the original point, I’m sure there was a portion of Obi-wan that wanted to be vindicated, but there was also a fair amount of him (and I may be roaming into the realm of projection here) that had a pretty brutal case of impostor syndrome for a while and may have felt that it was deserved. And then he just buried those other feelings which manifested as his incredible sarcasm and snark. (And, to digress a little bit, this is why, my friends, “Twin Suns” Obi-wan is just...the best. “Look what I’ve risen above,” lordy that man had finally realized his own self-worth and it is just FANTASTIC to see play out. If I haven’t mentioned it before, I fucking love Obi-wan Kenobi’s character.) And yes, I’m sure he felt incredibly guilty about any of those feelings. 

On a somewhat relevant note, I was rewatching portions of the Mortis arc and when Obi-wan meets Qui-gon’s Force Ghost/his own projections, it was very interesting, to me, that Obi-wan felt the need to defend his training of Anakin to spooky spirit Qui-gon. “I did the best I could! I tried!” The unspoken accusation of “You died and left me completely unprepared!.”

Talk to Qui-gon or talking to himself, both are probably accurate. 

There were so many layers to that relationship. I wonder if they ever got to talk it out in Force Ghost world. 

i drew this lovely destruction of Tigerclaw <3

You know…

I really think she needed both Obi-wan and Anakin.

And here’s why, if you’ll allow me to step back a minute to put this into a fuller context. 

Obi-wan was the Padawan no one wanted, was the one who had to fight to get trained, who endured treatment ranging from ambivalent to outright hostile even when he was apprenticed. Obi-wan had something to prove, needed to prove that he could be a Jedi, and I think that because of this, he adhered to the Code (or at least attempted to) in a stricter manner than his natural tendencies may have pushed him to. This *is* the boy who lead a rebellion on Melida/Daan, after all, the man who jumped through a glass window, etc etc. Obi-wan was a rebel, but I think his past caused him to cling to the traditional Jedi ways in order for him to justify his own presence in the Order after so much rejection.

Okay, so why do I bring this up? 

Because Anakin was the rebel, was the different one, from the day he walked into the Jedi Temple. And despite Obi-wan’s best intentions, Anakin remained so. Anakin was unable to repress his nature, his desire to be different, to be special (and who could blame him, given his background?) And Obi-wan was so attached to Anakin, he allowed this, in spite of the Council and the Code. 

If Ahsoka had become Obi-wan’s second Padawan, would he have acted the same, or would he (once again) have tried to prove his worthiness to an organization that he had a tempestuous relationship with by having Ahsoka adhere even more to the Code to make up for Anakin’s transgressions?

In the end, for me, Obi-wan is able to be a great mentor for Ahsoka because he is one step removed from her training. I’m sure Obi-wan caught enough flak for Anakin’s actions over the years. Given his personality, I feel that he might have overcompensated in the opposite direction had he taken Ahsoka as his Padawan. 

And…I don’t think Obi-wan was ready to let Anakin go. Not through the entire Clone Wars. Not even through ROTS. Probably not until the Death Star and even then…

No, for me it worked out so well the way it was. Ahsoka was a perfect balance of Anakin’s aggressive behavior and Obi-wan’s wisdom. Ahsoka needed that inner-Anakin to walk away from the Order after the events of the “Wrong Jedi”. (I contend it was the right thing for her to do after all of that.) An Obi-wan trained Ahsoka might not have walked away, to her detriment. 

At the same time, Ahsoka never fell to the dark, was able to take the best of the Jedi philosophy and the Code to do good both during the Clone Wars and the Rebellion. And that poise we see her with when she meets up with Kana and Ezra - that’s Obi-wan’s influence, right there. 

I haven’t forgotten about your other ask! :) It’s sitting in my drafts until I come up with a more intelligent answer ;)

Your question is actually very well-timed, as I’m editing the next chapter of “Hard Deviations” and I do spend a few words describing the change in Obi-wan’s kyber crystal “sound” and his interactions with that change.  Here’s a little preview of that. Under the break, I spend a little time explaining my own headcanons about lightsabers, kyber crystals, and their sounds :)

The silver hilt weighed in his palm. It wasn’t heavy, not really. Full, perhaps, teeming with energy. The kyber crystal housed inside the metal cylinder sang to him, its melody achingly familiar.

It had been far too long.

He held the lightsaber close, as if physical proximity would somehow amplify the haunting sounds, somehow ground him in the known, connect him to the man he was.

But even this had changed. The sonic patterns of the crystal - once pure, if not a little melancholy -  had shifted. The patterns were now more complex, full of edges and dissonance that had not existed before.

Pulse racing, he ignited the weapon. Light flooded the dark corridor, causing the marble statues to cast long, narrow shadows down the passageway.

Obi-wan let out of a breath he hadn’t known he was holding.

Still blue.

The Jedi sagged in relief.

Kyber crystals had a unique, somewhat symbiotic relationship with their wielders. They were the power source of a Jedi’s weapon, but more than that, they were a reflection of the person who used the weapon. And as that wielder changed, as they grew and aged and gained experience, the kyber crystal would grow with them. Even the most seasoned Jedi - if they were growing, if they were learning - their kyber crystal would change with them. And then one would have to learn from the crystal, to listen to its subtle changes and react. Often this meant having to learn how to fight with one’s lightsaber all over again.

At least, that was the idea. Whether or not some of the more venerated members of the Council had changed enough in the past few years to warrant any further development…

Obi-wan blew out a breath and banished the stray thoughts from his mind. Right now he needed to learn who he had become, and learn fast.