#missrubywhite

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FREDDIE → RUBY: I am so sorry that I couldn’t save you.

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FREDDIE → RUBY: I still believe that you’re a masterpiece, Ruby White. I don’t know where you are or how you’ve been. But I really hope that you can see it now too.

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FREDDIE → RUBY: I’m with someone. I know you wouldn’t care. You’re probably with someone too. I just wanted you to hear it from me is all.

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FREDDIE → RUBY: Do you remember when you kissed me?

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FREDDIE → RUBY: As much as I’d like to see you, I almost hope you don’t show up. I don’t want you to be put through Hell all over again.

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[unsent text]: I miss you. I miss you so much.

[unsent text]: I’m never going to be able to thank you enough for everything you did for me. I know it never seemed like much, but we met at a really strange time in my life. I’m just glad you were there. Sometimes I wonder what would’ve happened between us if things had been different.

[unsent text]: It never mattered to me that Steph and Tyson had issues after they broke up. I really was glad I could be your friend either way.

[unsent text]: Tyson’s gone, Rubes. He went to Africa and I’m by myself and I don’t think I know how to be.

[unsent text]: Do you remember when we kissed? Sometimes I think about that. There was something there, wasn’t there? I don’t think we were meant to be together, but I definitely think we were meant to find each other.

[unsent text] Where’d you go Ruby White? It’s been a stick summer of reinvention and I haven’t seen you. Not even at church. Where are your crazy bible bashing ‘rents?

[unsent text] I’m going to Africa and I’ve only got time to write one message before I get on the plane. I wanted you to know that it was incredibly hard to get a bloodied nail necklace through customs and even harder to explain to my parents who paid for it to be shipped by DHL why I needed a nail that had been used to impale someone. They definitely didn’t get it. I don’t think I do either.

[unsent text] Were you named after the stone? ‘Cause you’re just as precious.

[unsent text] “Ephesians 4:35, Be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, as God in Christ forgave you”. I know you didn’t forgive me that day. That’s okay.

[unsent text] Do you ever see Steph?

FREDDIE JONES, AESTHETICS. [feat. missrubywhite]

Ruby,

I think I’m going to hell, Rubes.

Which probably doesn’t even make any sense, because you should know, I don’t really believe in God or Heaven or any of that. But if I did, I think I’d be going to hell.

How does one become better than they are? I don’t know why I feel like you have all the answers. It’s like every time I turn the corner with another bad thing in mind, you’re there. For someone I’m not even supposed to be friends with, you’ve seen darker parts of me than half my friends have. Only Tyson’s seen that deep. And maybe it was just the sickness, but now you know some of it too, and I don’t know why I’m okay with that. You’re a good person, and I’m not. We’re like hot and cold.

There’s something deep inside, I can tell, it’s like you’re hiding something. I wonder about you and Texas with how protective you are over her. I would listen if you told me about it, just in case you were wondering. I’m absolute shit with words, but I can listen like no one else. 

Don’t worry about me though. I can tell you do. And I know you probably think i can be saved if I confess my sins or whatever, but God can’t save me. He couldn’t save Hazel, He couldn’t save my parents’ apparent love for each other, none of that. I know it’s what you believe, hell, it’s what Tyson believes. But I’ve got no reason to believe it.

I’m going to be okay. I’m always going to be okay. I’ve always had to be okay. But between you and me, Rubes, there’s no place in Heaven for people like me. Not even if I believed it existed.