It was odd, really

You don’t even remember how it happened, what you felt when it did.

You just remember the point in which everything turned calmed, paused, unrushed, and specially, permanent. 

It happened in Hogwarts, that fateful day in which a silent war turned loud, and a school turned into a battlezone. 

It’s been months since… you saw how everything slowly returned to its rightful place, witches and wizards coming and going, rebuilding, preparing. 

You haven’t wanted to show yourself, those times you had, especially with those who had been your professors a lifetime ago, they’d look at you with pity.

There is no one else like you

Many died that day, but none of them stayed 

Only you

You were thankful a new school season was starting, it was beginning to feel quite lonely, maybe it was because you still didn’t want to face the reality, and wanted to interact with the others. 

But again, there was this… calm

No stress, nor panic, nor sadness or grief for your life in the world of the living, just calm… nothing ever disturbed you, you missed nothing and long for nothing, and yet…

There was this pull… something tethering you to the land of the living. 

And you were afraid to let go of that, let alone to find out what that is….

Until one day

You knew it, somehow, you felt it, you felt him

And you couldn’t face him.

You did what you always used to do, just move quietly through the less crowned areas of the castle, the places you enjoyed being… this time, you chose the bell tower, hardly anyone ever came up here, maybe some students want some “alone” time.

You knew it because you did it yourself, you loved coming here…. the astronomy tower was already very well known, but not the bell tower, its entrance a well kept secret 

So maybe that is why it was the worst palace to hide from him. 

You heard him gasp before you saw him. Despite what everyone may think, being a ghost doesn’t really give you the power of omnipotence 

You turned slowly, not really wanting to, but, you knew it was him, you had to see him, to talk to him. 

Unlike you, he had grown this past months, he had matured. He was not wearing the uniform anymore, he had graduated, and like many others who had survived a brutal war, he had grown too much in too short of a time

Unlike you

You still looked exactly the same as that night

He stood still, still clutching the door to the balcony of the bell tower, his eyes immediately filled with tears, he took a shaky breath, like gathering strength, you could only try hard to remember what it was like, what it could be like to see a person you loved as a ghost, but again, for you, it was only calm

“Matty”, you called with a soft smile, “what are you doing here?”, you asked him, he did not belonged here anymore, he was free to enjoy his life outside these walls, of making his life whatever he wanted it with it.

To prove to anyone that he was not his father’s son, that he was a completely different person. 

“I had to know…”, he said, voice strangled, eyes glistening, “Every night I dream of you”, he said, “of this place… I see you… like that night…”

“Matty”, you called, your insides tingling, and yet… there was nothing inside, just calm

“And you are here”, he said with a smile, when the first tears started pouring out of his eyes, “you are still here… why didn’t  you…?”, he was looking for answers, answers you didn’t have, ”why didn’t you pass on?”, he asked. You knew him, you did, and you recognized relief, but… deadly sadness and grief.

“I don’t know”, you said calmly, that calm was everything you were able to feel these days, “I wasn't given a choice I just… can’t leave”, there it was… that relief… 

“You look exactly like the night I lost you”, he whined, “And you are still here”

“No I’m not”, you said softly. “Matty”

“I can see you again”, he said, now sporting a wide smile, “you are not gone”

“But I am”, you said, you felt it now, the pull, a darkness lurking from within, “Matty, I’m gone, I died”

“Then why can I speak to you?, right now”, he said, he looks like he just discovered fire.

“Yes I know…. but you have to move on with your life”, he shook his head, “I belong here now”

“The ghost of the bell tower”, he said sadly

“Yes”, you said quickly

“It shouldn’t have been you”, he said, he took two wobbly steps towards you, and yet… he was never going to reach you again.  “You belonged by my side”, he said sharply, “we had a future”

“Now you have it”, you said, with that same smile that was begging to eerie him, you knew

“I don’t want it without you”, he said, he cried silently, his voice strangled

“You can”, you said

“Then why I see you in my dreams every night, then how I knew where to find you, or that I knew you were going to be here still…”

“I don’t know”, you said simply

“You feel it too, don’t you?”

“I rarely feel these days”, you answered, “I just exist in these hallways, trying to avoid the professors who knew me, and see me with pity”, you said with a dark chuckle, “I don’t belong in your world anymore”

“Maybe I can belong to yours”

“No”, you said quickly, “don’t say that”

“They all hate me anyways", he says, “because of my father, you died because of him, as hundreds of people”

“You need to prove to them that you are not like him”, you said with a soft smile, “that’s your future”

“What's yours?”, he asked

“Help students”, you said with a soft smile, “watch everyone come and go”, you said then, “see the world change around me, without being able to change with it”

He called your name then

It sounded so odd, you hadn't heard it in a while

“Maybe one day… I can teach your kids how to roam about Hogwarts like we used to do”, you said that to relieve him, to make it think of the future, but more tears fell instead, he shook his head, not being able to look at you, as if a future without you in it was the highest of treasons, “all the secret passages we discovered, the room of requirement…”

He shook his head, turning from you.

“He is dead, you know?”, he said then, “Rookwood”

“Matty”, you called again

“I killed him myself”, he said, “even if back then he was on my same team”

“I’m sorry you had to do that”, you said.

You hesitated, that night, your house, your friend and you boyfriend had placed you on the wrong side of the war, and you wanted to be on the right one.

And now you were dead, and the young man who used to be your boyfriend wanted to drop from the tallest building in Hogwarts.

“I’m sorry I wasn't there with you”, he said, “And now you want me to leave”

“I want you to live”, you corrected, he turned to look at you once again

“But you are right there”, he said childishly, “right there in front of me”, he walked towards you, but when he tried to touch your face, he touched nothing, thin air. 

“Matty, please”, you whispered, looking into his lively eyes

“I don’t want a future without you in it”, he said, you shook your head

“Please”, you begged, “I couldn’t take it, the thought of you not making it”, again, the calm allowed you to have a steady voice, “I won’t leave, I’m always going to be here but you need to get out there”

“I just want to hold you again”, he said, choked

“Maybe one day”, you said then, “Maybe one day after you had lived a full life, maybe one day… when you are old”

“I can wait that long”. he said

“Yes you can”

“It should be you”, he said, “instead of me, living”

“Don’t say that”, you said softly, he rubbed his hands on his face

“Matty”, you still didn’t get used to that hollowness of your voice, “you have to let me go”, his eyes filled with tears as he shook his head

“I can’t”, he choked out. 

“You can”, you insisted, “please”

“I don’t want to”, he cried

“Do it for me? please”, you asked then, he wanted to shook his head, “promise me, you’ll try”, you said then, “if it gets too heavy you can always come and talk to me, as long as you try”

Only then he nodded, surrendering himself to you

“Say it”, you demanded

“I promise to try”, he said finally. 

He never could deny you anything

You floated away from him, over the wood railing and into the abyss, but you turned to look at him

“Matty, you were the love of my short life”, you said, he grabbed that railing, looking up at you like his life depended on it, “and we will see each other again”, you lean in, your lips hovering over his like for a mere second they could touch, but couldn’t. “After all, I’m not going far”

“You are now the ghost of the bell tower”, he said sadly

“It’s got a nice ring to it”, you said simply, and it's nothing you planned, but you liked it here

“I love you”, he whispered to the wind, shaking as the mere closeness to you gave him chills.

“I loved you first”, you said, you hovered for a second, taking a good look at him to keep close for when the hallways and the tower became too lonely

He was going to go and live his life, and you, were now the ghost of the bell tower.

Post chapter notes: I was feeling angsty I guess

It breaks my heart that nobody is reading my work anymore, so if you see this, thank you for reading, maybe this was the work of a broken heart or whatever, anyways.

Thank you and have a great week