#misactrl

⭒˚｡♫ now playing: eyes, nose, lips - taeyang.

𖡼⭒˚｡pairing: toxic!toji x fem!reader

⭒˚｡𓍯𓂃content: angst, no comfort, i apologize toji lovers.. (me) psa! english isn´t my first language soz for grammar mistakes x

⋆⭒˚｡ don´t be sorry, that makes me more pitiful.

"i’m sorry.." the silence is loud. you don’t dare to meet his eyes, so you look down at your feet. he should know why you want to leave, he’s been nothing but a horrible boyfriend.. no, person.

⋆⭒˚｡ with your pretty red lips, please hurry, kill me and go, i'm alright.

he looks at you with nothing but guilt, knowing it’s all too late. you’re getting impatient, biting your lower lip, tasting the raspberry chapstick. your eyes now meet his green ones, and you immediately regret it, feeling tears blurring your vision. you still love him, how foolishly. he has nothing to give to you, how could he when the only thing he’s ever done is take. toji stares at your red lips, then meets your eyes again. "it’s alright."

⋆⭒˚｡ look at me one last time, smile like nothing’s wrong.

his words bring you back to reality, the last bit of hope gone with the november wind. it’s humorous really, and you smile to yourself, remembering how you two first met. you bumped into toji while running late to work, accidentally making him drop his shoulder bag. you were apologizing over and over again but toji reassured you: "it’s alright."

⋆⭒˚｡ so when i miss you i can remember, so i can draw your face in my mind.

he remembers that smile, the one on your face right now. it thanked him while telling him: "it was nice meeting you." before you scurried away down the street. you were beautiful, it was only thing on his mind that day. even in this moment, you were still as beautiful as on that morning.

⋆⭒˚｡ my selfishness that couldn’t let you go, turned into an obsession that imprisoned you.

he was stuck to you like a parasite. he couldn’t bear the thought of any other man looking your way for even one second, his obsession with keeping you hidden suffocated and trapped you. you weren’t allowed to see your friends during evenings, and male friends were completely off limits. what had you gotten yourself into? echoed in your head at night. but you loved him, and he loved you. it was all an act of love.

⋆⭒˚｡were you hurt because of me? you sit silently.

it remains quiet around you two, other customers voices getting drowned out by the silence. you’re crying now, a tear rolls down your cheek, and another, and another. toji hated seeing you like this, hurt because of him, yet he kept hurting you. he knew it himself too, but it was just how he was.. not meant to love or care for anyone. those were things he stopped believing in ever since his late wife’s passing, then he met you on that gloomy thursday. he really really liked you, even though he felt guilty about her. all this thinking made him realize how much he’d taken you for granted. "yn, don’t do this.." desperation hit him hard all of a sudden, but he was far too late. you’d gotten up from your chair already, exiting the cafe doors.

⋆⭒˚｡ why am i a fool? why can't i forget you?

he felt so stupid. you were perfect, everything he could’ve asked for. why was he realizing all of this now? why now all alone in his apartment, days after your breakup? the beds emptiness pained him, but your small trinkets you left behind and even those white ankle socks that were left in his laundry basket hurt even more. he couldn’t bear your absence anymore, he felt too guilty. toji gathered the small things in a tote bag you also left behind and brought it to your building. a part of him felt like it was a given to return your things, but a part also hoped you’d wanna give him one last chance. a lady who was leaving let him in through the gate and he walked up two staircases to your door. he knocked once.. no response. he knocked twice.. and nothing again. toji was all too late, you're already gone. ⋆⭒˚｡