various quotes collected from "a minecraft movie" in celebration of it releasing on streaming platforms! feel free to change pronouns, names, etc!
β [Location] is full of epic tales. Millions and billions of them. β
β As a child, I yearned for the mines. β
β I did a terrible thing...I grew up. β
β Yep, that's me. Same shirt. Same pants. The only thing missing was my soul. β
β What am I doing with my life? β
β I'm not meant to sell doorknobs. β
β I mined my brains out. β
β This is the place I've been looking for my whole life! β
β My third house was made entirely of sheep's wool. β
β In times like this, I wish I had a friend. β
β I tamed [him/her/them] with a crusty femur bone. β
β We did everything together. We built endless masterpieces. β
β Lucky for me, pandas love to party. β
β Who are you, and why are you so round? β
β Leave the dog! Take me instead! β
β Where I come from, we call this a "cube." β
β You saved me, and now I have to save you. β
β You're the last hope for this world. β
β You got this, [name]! I love you! β
β Wait a second...putting [item] under my waterbed is a horrible plan. β
β Do you think I come to storage auctions for fun? β
β I'm a businessman, [name]. An investor. β
β Well, I'm about to shovel some coal into your choo-choo train. β
β Bro, if you make this happen for me, I will strongly consider hanging out with you. β
β Oh, boy, that's gonna cause a commotion. β
β I'll make all your weird fanboy dreams come true. β
β I wouldn't cash that check for about six months. β
β My wrists aren't what they used to be. β
β I need a win, man. I need...I need a win. β
β When are you gonna stop looking for treasure inside a storage unit and recognize that the real treasureβ¦is inside your heart? β
β This man has no respect for the storage community. β
β Look, [location] was not my first choice either, but it was Mom's dying wish for us to live here. β
β At least...that's how I interpreted it. β
β This isn't an offer we can turn down right now. β
β Hi. Why is there an alpaca hanging out of your car? β
β I also do some mobile zoo stuff on the side. β
β I'm really sorry about your mom. β
β What you're doing is really brave. I hope you know that. β
β I made you Mom's signature tater tot breakfast pizza. β
β I thought you wanted me to seem normal. β
β I'm just trying to help you out. β
β Non-committal...classic loser mentality. β
β How do you actually win at life? β
β That's literally the answer I charge money for. β
β Listen, I'm gonna give you a hot Garbage tip. β
β Friendship is like a puzzle. Sometimes you think you need lots of pieces to be cool, and sometimes it's just one piece to be cool. β
β The point is, there's no "I" in team...but there are two in winning. β
β To be honest, I expected it to hurt more than it does. β
β Financially, I'm living in a nightmare, okay? β
β I wouldn't wish my life on my worst enemy. β
β Don't you know what a still life is? It means you just draw the thing. β
β My dad said math has been debunked. β
β Well, the good news is nobody died. β
β I have a weird favor to ask. Could you come to my school and pretend to be my uncle? β
β No way. I don't do that stuff anymore. β
β You can bag me up and take me to the curb anytime. β
β Whoever divorced you is a complete idiot. β
β Hey, since you're going to juvie, you mind if I get this [item] back? β
β I'm sorry. I tried everything. β
β I didn't know who else to call. β
β He's fine. He's just playing in an abandoned mineshaft. β
β Come closer. It's alright. β
β Come on. I'm not gonna bite you. β
β How will that help me find more gold? β
β Was I unclear when I said no one was to waste time on art or leisure? β
β Don't do anything stupid. β
β How do I know you're telling the truth? β
β Hola, wise Quest Giver. We humbly seek gold. β
β Give us a quest that will lead us to your treasure load. β
β I work in the animal field, and I am telling you, that thing doesn't understand a word you're saying. β
β Fear is just weakness hijacking your body's cockpit. β
β Fear is just weakness hijacking your body's cockpit. And if that happens, you can say "vaya con Dios" to your body plane's navigation system. β
β Dead dudes can't win Gamer of the Year! β
β You seriously have no idea what you're dealing with. β
β Hand it over and no one gets hurt. β
β I hate to take a big, fat dumparoo on your plans, but you can't get home. β
β You got those good Frodo vibes, kid. β
β Under two conditions: one, always address me, because I'm the leader. Two, if you double-cross usβ¦I will crack your cabeza with my butt cheeks like a walnut. β
β If you double-cross usβ¦I will crack your cabeza with my butt cheeks like a walnut. β
β You're not gonna sue me, are you? β
β Everyone wants to sue me once I hit them with my Jeep Grand Cherokee. β
β How about this? What if I just take you to dinner? β
β They're total pacifists and vegetarians. β
β You don't bug them, they won't bug you. β
β They just like to chill, trade, and eat buttloads of bread. β
β Is he some kind of king? β / β No...that's a legend. β
β You ever wonder what happens when you mix hot lava and chicken? β
β You hear that? That's the sound of sizzle-een. β
β I have a small business, too. But one thing I try to do is not have my jingle suck butt. β
β I crave heat. And I crave pain. β
β So, like, you want me to end his life or whatever? β
β Look, your brother has a gift. You know that, right? You should let him explore it. β
β Okay, well, in the real world, things are a little bit different. β
β Just so you know, I'm more of a sister to [name] than you'll ever be. β
β Look, but don't touch. Those are some of my favorite treasures. β
β What's this junk? β
β Aaand that was my only one. No biggie. Almost died fighting a [monster/creature/enemy] for it. β
β Bro, you had tots the whole time? β
β Dude, you just took boring junk from the real world to create something amazing. That is next-level. β
β You smell what I'm steppin' in? β
β I'm really sorry, but I have to un-alive you and stuff. β
β He seems nice, but he's a killer! β
β Wow, you look good, Bro-Hammer. β
β I'm tired of you getting all the glory. β
β I just saved your butt, that's what happened. β
β You can thank me later. β
β I cannot leave him. He's my entire family. β
β Buenos dΓas. Which means, "See you later." β
β Let my hips guide you. It's the only way. β
β We're not gonna fit! We're too chunky! β
β I'm ordering you to make a full man sandwich! β
β Thanks! I don't know where that came from. β
β That's the worst boat I've ever seen. β
β I have no idea what I'm doing. β
β You got some talking to do, buddy. β
β Why does my beard smell like gorgonzola? β
β I always keep a chunk of gorgonzola in my front pocket, okay? β
β [Name]'s path to darkness started the way these things often doβ¦during the semi-finals of [Location]'s Got Talent. β
β I'm tired of you chasing your dreams. β
β This beautiful world and everything in it will wither and die. β
β [Name], you have failed me for the last time. β
β Wait, does this mean you're firing me? β
β My one job was to protect [name], and I blew it. β
β I just promised my mom I'd never let anything happen to him. β
β I guess I'm just not cut out for this parenting stuff. β
β I just wish I could have been a kid for a little bit longer, you know? Just to have that feeling like I could have done anything. β
β Being a grown-up sucks. You got all these responsibilities, and you just stop chasing your dreams. β
β I cannot believe you just did that. β
β Son of a biscuit, we found it. β
β I set some booby traps a long time ago, but I can't for the life of me remember where they are -- β
β If memory serves, I built a kick-ass safe room just up ahead. β
β What kind of idiot would breed these things? β
β I swear, you are literally the most selfish person I've ever met. β
β I need the diamonds, because I need the money, because I'm broke. You wouldn't know anything about that. β
β My life sucks, kid. All right? I'm a frickin' loser. β
β I know it looks like I got it all put together, right? But that's not the reality. I'm not doing well. I'm washed up, and I'm gonna lose everything. β
β The worst part is, I'm alone. β
β You weren't alone. I was your friend. β
β I feel like you get me, and you're an incredible listener. β
β I wanna have the guts to invite you over to my house for dessert. β
β Why is the third floor on the first floor? I'm very confused. β
β This is the worst model I've ever seen. β
β [Name], stop talking. We're trying to figure out a plan. β
β Bro, how long are you gonna be mad at me for? β
β Please don't be mad at me for this, okay? β
β Are we cool now? β
β You are literally the worst person in the entire world. β
β Eyes on my demonstraysh! β
β Whatever you do, do not look them in the eye. β
β Friendship is the wish you make when you're blowing out the candles on your birthday cake. β
β You're the [goofy nickname], and I love ya! β
β It's a fight to the death, kid. β
β Chicken jockey. β
β Don't fall for it, [name]! That baby's got the heart of a demon! β
β I'm just gonnaβ¦pet your little head. β
β You'll never be as cool as me, [name]. Just give up. β
β The world doesn't need you, [name]. Neither do I. β
β This is all your fault, [name]. Everything you do fails. β
β Youβ¦you saved my life. β / β That's what friends do, [name]. β
β Let's get outta this hellhole. β
β I've been tracking your scent from two biomes away. β
β [Name], you don't have to do this! β
β Tell my story in song. Keep it metal. Keep it heavy. Real instruments. β
β I was so afraid that I lost you. β
β I am really sorry about what I said. β
β First we mine, then we craft. Let's minecraft! β
β Attack their villages. Burn their homes and their symmetrical farms. All they have created, we destroy! β
β You, too, have fallen for the great lie. You'll never be happy. β
β Deep down, you know. To hope, to dream, to create is to suffer. β
β It is harder to create than to destroy. That's why cowards tend to choose the deuce. β
β Every minute knowing you has been a horror-show waste of time. β
β You changed my life. It's time for you to go change hers, too. β
β If I would have known you could sing like that, it would have helped me get past your smell. β
β You are a truly bodacious warriorβ¦and a really good friend. β
β I wish you'd come home with us. We would make a great team. β
β Vaya con Dios. It means "Goodbye, brother." β
β Why don't you bring some of that magic to the real world? β
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