#mine:sh

i have nothing to say about this part except the way that magnus has to look up just ever so so so slightly is my entire aesthetic 

subtle height differences 

i mean malec is great and everything but this scene here shows the return of my two true otps: alec lightwood x his black tank top (arms arms arms arms) and alec lightwood x punching bag 

i have yelled about this many times before but i will continue to yell about it because look at his face look at that poorly contained anguish and yell with me about it 

listen alec has repressed his needs and desires to such an extent that he now faces a complete and saddening inability to both verbalize them and deal with them in any sort of significant or healthy way

enter the punching bag which we have seen before every time alec is frustrated, angry, worried, anguished, etc. etc.  

and like, i love it? because alec doesn’t thrill in or enjoy fighting or violence like jace does and even izzy to an extent enjoys it--alec has flair but he’s much more pragmatic than the other two 

so you can just see HOW MUCH being a shadowhunter has tempered him into this sort of blunt instrument of the clave’s will: because of being a shadowhunter, he has forced his own emotions into such an inaccessible place that the only language he can deal with them in is the language of fight and violence, because shadowhunting is the only thing he knows--it doesn’t bring him any peace or joy but it’s the only channel that is available to him, but it’s ultimately hollow and futile but it makes his muscles ache and that’s all he can do 

1x09, after he proposes to lydia and turns magnus away and drifts farther apart from jace: “alec you’re hurting yourself” says izzy and alec keeps hitting the bag with his injured arm with the reply that he doesn’t even know has formed somewhere in his brain: that’s the point

don’t push me away hahahahahHAHA i wrote a 600 word essay on these 4 words of dialogue not very long ago so i don’t have much to yell about here (read) 

i just love that one kiss is not an insta-cure for alec’s many many varied issues when it comes to relating with people and himself and being loved that have been created by a decade of forced self-imposed isolation and restraint 

and that magnus is pleading with him -- rather than a statement of intent, it’s a plea -- to be open to try and make this work and try and learn to be loved 

and that that is coming from magnus bane who has as many guards and walls as alec in many ways is heartrending because it’s like, i’ve opened myself up to you, now please do the same (remembering how many times alec withdrew from magnus and flat-out told him to “back off” last season)

good lord mr. harry shum jr 

that’s all i got here

and, of course, the goddamn piece de resistance of this goddamn masterpiece of a trailer: what do you want from me? at the moment, nothing

can you even fucking believe that this happened? im in shock and awe 

that alec is actually being written with the way he has been forced to be his whole life kept in mind is making me want to sing 

listen listen listen alec lightwood, my dear darling emotionally stunted boy, does not really know how to love or be loved yet and this is just making it so tragically apparent 

because the whole context of the trailer is “i need to get jace back” “not if you die” and what alec gets from this is what do you want from me 

“what do i have to do to make you not care about my life?” 

he sees someone caring about him in this way that he’s never experienced before and becomes abrasive and closed off and just doesn’t understand -- what do you want from me -- how to relate to it in any meaningful way

like can you imagine the pressure that alec is under right now? he literally just came out to an ostensibly extremely homophobic society, he’s at odds with his family (esp his mother), literally half of his soul is gone and off suffering somewhere and he can’t do anything about it, he’s entered a relationship for the first time in his life with a person he doesn’t quite understand yet and of course knowing alec he blames himself for everything 

and it culminates here in an explosive burst as he just cracks under the pressure: what does everyone want from me, i don’t know, i can’t do it 

and of course, the immediate and reflexive return of ice-king magnus slamming up his walls, regretting that he’d ever let his guard down and allowed himself to care and therefore to be hurt