#mindhuner

Part of the reason I didn't wanna come out of the closet during Spring Awakening is because I had to have this sex scene - the whole climax of the show is a sex scene between Melchior and Wendla. And I remember feeling personally self-conscious about never having been with a woman in any way shape or form, and now I'm performing this sex scene on stage. And that was part of the reason why I didn't feel like I could get away with it? If I was gay, suddenly that scene would seem less believable. And so I stayed in the closet. And then, when I did Looking, and I had my most intimate sex scenes with Raúl Castillo, I learned so much from him. First of all, when you're playing a sex scene, it's obviously - unless you're doing a porn - it's all pretend. And it is a performance. But there is a level of intimacy involved. And Raúl, a straight guy, who's never had a gay experience, came to those sex scenes with so much love, and so much honesty, and real questions, and just threw himself into it. And it created this really magical experience between the two of us, and I think also a magical experience on screen. And so then when I got to do another straight sex scene, after that - I did a couple in Mindhunter - I really thought of him. And I thought, I don't have to be self-conscious, because in certain things I don't know what I'm doing. I just have to be honest and be myself and try to find chemistry with the other person. That's what I learned. It's not about your sexual orientation. Because I've also done sex scenes with gay guys where I don't think it's been successful and I feel like we've had horrible chemistry! And then there's some sex scenes that I've watched, where it's two straight people, and they have no chemistry! Regardless that they're both the same sexual orientation. I think in any of our personal sexual experiences, we've had good sex and bad sex, and it sort of is the same way on screen. It's about trying to have a real exchange with someone and trying to find real chemistry with someone outside of whatever you identify as.