He's introduced, in a tone dripping with endearment, as Klaus. Each word leaving his chapped lips are warped with a thick accent. Eric laughs every time he speaks and Serena rolls her eyes, neither of the two asking to repeat his non-eligible thoughts because he's too lost in laughter and she simply doesn't care. The man, jaw dusted with raven facial hair, insists that the two stunning children call him Papa K. He reasons that this will make them a family.Â
Brown boxes littered the van der Woodsen abode two weeks after Klaus had arrived. The petite blonde's ear had pressed to the white door leading to her mother's room just three days prior where she learnt how uncomfortable the man felt in Manhattan. The sweltering heat of New York summers could never compare to the Alps. It took Lily thirty-seven seconds of contemplating to agree, and three days later the previous trio was now a foursome standing on the grey tarmac much to Serena's dismay. Chuck had promised to have his father's PI dig up all the information he could on Papa K, Blair hugged her tightly with teary eyes before promising to write every day, and Nate's oceanic orbs bore into her as he stood silently in front of her refusing to speak. Tears burned the rim of her eyes as she watched her friends who had kindly come to see her off become smaller and smaller as the plane ascended.Â
Six months later, to the day, the trio turned foursome turned trio once again arrived back to the city. Lily decided to wait for the divorce papers in Manhattan instead of the mountains thickly blanketed in winter.  Klaus reasons that he, like any other man, could never deal with such a dysfunctional family.Â
He's introduced, with starry eyes, as Kai. The VDW siblings had yet to meet anyone with such an interesting name, and the slim man later explains that once he had turned eighteen he had changed his name. Originally, he was Ted. What kind of parents could possibly doom their son with Ted? Her question is met with a harmony of laughter as they all agree that Ted is a dull name fit for a dull man. Which Kai certainly isn't.Â
A variety of hues stain groomed fingernails belonging to both herself and the dark-haired male. Kai had spent the afternoon attempting to teach Serena to paint, but after giving up due to her lack of patience she instead spent the afternoon tucked into his studio's corner listening to obscure music and watching the simple stroke of his paintbrush create a masterpiece that she adored. 'Little S, you shine the brightest,' is scrawled on the back in lazy handwriting and she rereads it three times and stares at the mixture of colours for fifteen minutes just to be sure she'll never forget it. Â
That night she had gone to her mother and chimed how wonderful of a man Kai was, and how fantastic of a father he could be for herself and Eric. He was a few years younger than Lily and she loved the way her peers gossiped about it over scalding tea and finger sandwiches. So she stayed by his side for three months, up until the gossip turned from their age difference to the difference of genitals Kai preferred and Lily had.Â
THIRD, FOURTH, AND SO ON:Â
Although the names mainly varied, most men had mirroring personas of one another. There was the business men, who wore tailored suits and drank too much scotch and talked seemingly forever about their jobs: Jonathan, Benjamin, Brian, and Clayton. All, besides Benjamin, lasted at most three months. Benji, as Eric and Serena would coo in hopes to be off-putting, stayed for three weeks. His breath smelt like broccoli or some other steamed vegetable, which her mother brushed off and explained it was because he was vegan, and his gut stuck out as if he were chosen contender to test out male pregnancy. Then there were the obscurities, all of which lasted under a month thus leading Serena to forget their names soon after the introduction. Being abandoned, or dragged around, countless times had made her angry. Furious, really. But she didn't blame her. They all served the same purpose: To replace the fleeting love of William van der Woodsen. She couldn't blame her, because she had spent the last seventeen years doing just the same.Â
