#milkevolis

“Hm? Oh, it’s a book about cats, but do we have time for that right meow?”

“Meow?” Phi stared at me, with a look of astonishment mixed with a slightly judgmental glare.

“Sorry, it’s this sort of… I guess you could call it a tic. I’ve had it since I was young. I wish I was kitten, but I can’t control it.”

Phi raised an eyebrow, still staring intently at me. I could feel Alice’s glare too, burning into the surface of my skin. Clearly these two felines are not believing a word I’m saying.

Thinking back to the origins of my tic, my memories of my younger days are faded into a blur but what I can remember is a black cat and a white cat. Cats… Cats meowing in English! I was so excited then I went to tell a girl who loved cats too and then I opened my meowth and all I could speak in was cat puns―

“It’s not dangerous, though. You’re purrrrrrrfectly fine.” I mean, cat puns can’t hurt… Right?

“Not… dangerous…?”

“When are puns ever dangerous? Talking about cat puns, I just thought of a pickup line fur you―”

“No thank you, we do not want to hear them,” Phi cut me off mid-sentence, in that cynical, condescending voice of hers. Aw man, I really wanted to impurress them with my cat pick-up lines too!

“Gurl are you a cat because you’re purrfect!” I did it, I used my ultimate trick, cat pick-up lines! Any girl would be impurressed, because who doesn’t love cats?! Phi and Alice must be head-over-paws for me now―

All I got though, was two unamused girls staring straight at me. Phi, with her ever-so-bored-judgmental look and Alice with a mild disgust on her face. Uh… Plan… Failed?

“Hey wait I have another better one meow! If I were a cat, I’d give up one of my 9 lives fur you hell I’d give up all my 9 lives fur you!”

Phi and Alice looked at one another and Phi shook their head.

“Why do we even know this guy?”

“Let’s just take the book about Schrödinger's cat and get the fuck out of this room,” Phi said to Alice, coldly. Her voice was made of icicles and they pierced my poor, rejected heart.

“Gurl you make me go meeeeeeeow! I’m feline so fine ever since I’ve met you! You’re the catnip to the cat in me! You make my tail stand whenever I see you!”

Phi and Alice didn’t take a second look at me as they left the room without me.

“What’s wrong with them, don’t all girls like cats? I don’t get it.” I mumbled to myself. “Maybe Luna will appreciate my pick-up lines more, or maybe Clover too wait till I tell them these lines I thought up!”

I decided to catch up to the girls before they left me behind, but then again I’ve got the key so they can’t leave without me.

“Hey wait up for me I’ve got another one perfect for this situation! I’m like the Schrodinger's cat inside your box or wait you must be the Schrodinger's alive cat―”

“SHUT UP!” They screamed in unison.

~*~THE END~*~